Tantric
By T Bishop
Category: MSR, X-File
Rated: NC-17
Disclaimer: Chris, they're having a lot more fun with us than 
you ever let them have, and therefore Mulder and Scully have 
decided to stay with us... forever!!! 
 
TANTRIC (Episode 1)


~PROLOGUE~

Honest to God, I meant to ease her into it; I never meant to 
blurt it out like that.  You'd think, after seven years and 
countless bizarre cases, I would have learned my lesson. But I 
was so excited; so anxious to get my teeth into this one, I 
forgot to be diplomatic - forgot to use my head instead of my 
heart.  I had spent the weekend going through all the files and 
the plethora of information I'd found, on the Web and in B. 
Dalton's; I'd taken notes, collected documented testimonials from 
folks who had decided to talk about what they knew of this 
particular organization... by the time Scully hit the basement on 
Monday, I was so wired that she never had a chance.  

Besides, all that damn Tantric reading had given me some 
interesting dreams... both sleeping and waking.  I was prepared 
to fight for the right to take on this case; ready to use any 
excuse handy to persuade Scully that this was indeed some kind of 
X-File, even though she'd pick the information to shreds with 
that blasted irrefutable logic of hers; that scientific brain of 
hers not letting up on me any more than I would be willing to 
give in and can the case.

She's coming in... I can hear her measured steps echoing in the 
hall.  I take a deep breath, and collect my ammunition; prepare 
myself for the siege ahead.  For it will be a siege, I don't even 
doubt it a little.   I have to convince Scully to participate in 
two activities that I know she despises:  

Posing as my little wifey, and involving herself in what could be 
considered "deviant sexual cultish situations..."

I find myself in danger of sporting some serious wood at the very 
thought of either topic - and I think I'm getting myself into 
some deep shit here.  So, if I am headed for potential trouble -

Why am I also in a state of perpetual-grin?  Go figure...  Uh-oh, 
door's opening... here we go.  I carefully school my features 
into a small smile, as Scully opens the door and sends a soft, 
"Morning, Mulder" my way.  She is wearing my favorite charcoal 
silk suit... God, she looks great.  I swallow and keep the smile 
pinned to my face... this ain't gonna be easy.

Hell, since when has anything that involves 'sex' and 'X' been 
easy, with Scully?

"So, Mulder... what's so urgent that I have to get here at six 
AM? What have we got this time?  Abductions involving Dall sheep 
and Sasquatch?  Mutant tapeworms hiding out in the sewers of the 
Big Apple?  The 'Flying Elvises' Fan Club getting rowdy again... 
what?"  She's got such a cute smirk on her face... this little 
tease of hers is geared to get just enough of my professional 
dander up, to afford her a good chuckle at my expense... and 
ordinarily I wouldn't mind giving her a tee hee, I really 
wouldn't.  But I am so bursting to tell her!  So of course, in my 
graceless and typically charming way, I clue her in on our latest 
case.

"Pack your bags, Scully... for a good week or so.  Bring lots of 
sunscreen and that cute midnight blue bikini I know you've been 
saving for a sunny day.  We be going to de islands, Mon... 
investigating a series of disappearances involving seemingly 
well-balanced people with ties to the Church of the Seven 
Chakras..."  Her sudden gasp, and widened eyes, tell me she is 
familiar with that particular church.  Then as those blue orbs 
narrow ominously, I swallow hard... because something else tells 
me she has figured out some of what this investigation is gonna 
entail...

And Scully is not a happy camper.


                       ~~~~~~

CHAPTER 1

I'm in hell.  Forget undigested apple dumplings, this case is my 
purgatory.  Mulder and I were assigned to investigate the 
unexplained disappearances of seventeen couples associated with 
the Church of the Seven Chakras.  A Tantric sex cult whose 
members follow the teachings of Swami Saraswati, aka Dr. Jonas 
Mitchell, a naturopathic medicine practitioner from Detroit.  

This is a case that should have been given to Missing Persons.  
It is NOT a X-File.  There's simply no indication that the 
disappearances are linked to anything paranormal; but throw the 
word 'cult' in and they automatically call the Spookys to 
investigate.  I wouldn't mind so much if it weren't for the fact 
that this is an undercover assignment.  Mulder and I are posing 
as husband and wife and attending a week long introductory 
seminar hosted by the church at their resort property on Abaco 
Island. 

A week... seven excruciating days and nights living with my 
partner in a cozy beachside bungalow, being forced to endure a 
scheduled program of seminars with topics like Sex Magic, Ecstasy 
of the Inner Self, and my personal favorite, Achieving Tantric 
Orgasm.  God, help me!  The only way I'm going to make it though 
this is to concentrate on the case, stay professional, not let 
Mulder distract me with his innuendo and this silly Mr. and Mrs. 
routine.  It won't be easy... our relationship has been changing, 
the lines are becoming less clear.  I'm not even sure how to 
define US anymore.  Partners.  Yeah, we're that... but our 
friendship sometimes dances dangerously close to intimacy.  

On New Year's Eve when Mulder kissed me, I wasn't sure... was it 
just a gesture between friends?  It could have been that and 
nothing more, but it felt... nebulous, for lack of a better word. 
 Vague.  Can a kiss be vague?  Apparently it can or I wouldn't be 
asking.  Or maybe it was my own feelings confusing the issue.  
I've got it bad for Mulder.  It's something I've lived with for a 
very long time, although only recently have I really admitted to 
myself just how bad.  I'm in love with him.  I'm in love with my 
partner... have been for years.  But as much as I love Mulder, 
I'm too consumed by my own fear to encourage him.  I've seen his 
failures... and I've seen mine.  Quite obviously, neither of us 
is good at intimate personal relationships.  I can only imagine 
what a disaster it would be if Mulder and I were to become 
involved.  It's a risk I don't want to take... because I could, 
and likely would, end up losing him completely should things 
began to fall apart... as they inevitably do.  But just because I 
don't want him, that doesn't mean I don't WANT him.  God, I want 
Mulder so bad that it physically hurts.  I've just resigned 
myself to the understanding that needing is more important than 
wanting.  And I NEED his companionship... the lust in my heart 
can go unfulfilled... but without Mulder's friendship I would be 
completely lost.  

That's why this case is such torture for me.  Mulder's always 
cavalier, unaffected by situations like these.  He makes jokes, 
teases me mercilessly, hams it up for the sake of the cover; 
meanwhile, I'm going out of my mind trying to at least appear 
composed and professional, while at the same time having to act 
the role of a loving wife. 

"Honey!"

Damn.  

Why can't he just use my name?  As previously agreed to, I was 
responsible for choosing our names this time.  None of that Rob 
and Laura Petrie crap.  Dana and Fox Hale.  The beauty of it is 
that I finally GET to call him Fox, and he HAS to call me Dana, 
something he rarely allows himself to do.  Not that I mind him 
calling me Scully... it's actually very endearing, but my name is 
Dana, and it would be nice if I heard him address me that way a 
little more often.

"Sweetie!"

Well, he's supposed to call me Dana.  Leave it to him to never 
actually say it the entire week!  

"I'll be right there, FOX!"  Take that, Mulder.  I can almost 
hear him cringe through the wall.  I finish touching up my makeup 
in the bathroom mirror, then open the door to find him standing 
there with his arms folded across his chest.

"Do you have to call me that?"

"It's your name."  I smile sweetly, enjoying the annoyance on his 
face.

"You know I don't like it when you call me that."

I sure do.  It seems every other woman but me is allowed to call 
him by his first name.  I've often wondered why... why am I the 
only woman he can't stand hearing call him Fox?  It was a rule he 
set from the very beginning, and has continued to insist upon to 
this day.  Is it his way of keeping me separate from all the 
other women in the world?  His male friends call him Mulder.  Is 
he trying to keep from thinking of me as a woman?  Actually, it 
used to bother me a lot more than it does now.  He's just Mulder 
and I'm just Scully... regardless of why.  "I'm not going to call 
you Hale."

"Well, how about Honey or Sweetheart, or..."

"Poopyhead?"

He frowns.  "Well... even that's better than Fox."

I can't help but laugh.  Oh, this is too much fun.  Revenge for 
being forced into this assignment in the first place.  "Sorry, 
big guy, I'm calling you Fox."

"Big guy?  Now that's a term of endearment a man can be proud 
of."

"Fox."  

He sighs and his shoulders slump in defeat.  Well, maybe this 
case won't be so bad after all.  As long as I can continue to 
have fun at Mulder's expense.  "So, FOX, what did you want, 
anyway?"

He gets this grin on his face, grabs my hand and pulls me out the 
back door of our little cottage right onto the beach.  I have to 
say, this is really a beautiful island resort.  And the tropical 
climate beats the hell out of the cold Spring we've been 
suffering through in DC. 

"Look at it, Scully," he whispers, pointing at the most glorious 
sunrise I believe I have ever seen.  The sapphire sky is becoming 
a pale green blue, like the color of a robin's egg and the clouds 
are a fiery red, fading to violet.  The sun is hidden behind 
cottony clouds, but the intensity is reflected in the endless 
simmering waves of the ocean.  It looks as if the sea itself is 
giving birth to the new day.

"Oh, my God!" is all I can manage.  We stand there together, 
watching until the first patches of azure daylight grow to a 
dusty orange, then pink and yellow.  It's not until the sun's 
brilliance makes it impossible to watch any longer, that I have 
to look away, and happen to notice Mulder and I are still holding 
hands.  As I turn to my partner, I can't help the shiver that 
runs through me when my eyes meet his and I realize he's been 
watching me the entire time.    

"I... I thought you brought me out here to see the sunrise?"

"Yeah."  His stare is penetrating.  I find it very unnerving when 
he gets like this.  When it's just me and him, and he pushes 
himself into that place one step beyond and dares me to meet him.

"Last time I looked the sun rises in the East... over that way." 
 I point to the now fiery red sea.  "It was incredible, Fox.  You 
should have watched."

"I did." He moves fractionally closer, and I can feel my heart 
pounding in my chest.

"No you didn't.  You've been looking at me the entire time."

"I saw the whole thing.  All of it.  Every last detail of color 
and light reflected in your beautiful eyes.  And you're right... 
it was incredible... Dana."

Oh God.

Jesus, why does he have to say stuff like that?  I can only hope 
the rosy glow of the morning's first light hides some of the 
blush in my cheeks as I draw my hand away.

"Did that embarrass you?"  He asks, running the back of one 
finger along my flushed face.

"No," I lie.  "Why should it?"

"It shouldn't.  You have beautiful eyes."

Uh oh. 

"Mul... Fox."  Maybe this name thing wasn't such a good idea.  
Calling him Fox feels uncomfortably intimate now, and I nervously 
avert his eyes.  "I think we should go over our room, check for 
listening devices.  Just in case."  

He gives me a sad look and this exaggerated sigh.  "Work?"

"That IS why we're here," I remind him coolly, effectively 
cutting through the mood.  Refusing to look back, I leave him and 
set myself to the task of a little FBI housecleaning.  Anything 
to get my mind off of what just happened between us.

                     ~~~~~

Nice cottage... nice furnishings.  And as Scully stands poised in 
the doorway of the lanai, I am thinking about the lovely view as 
well... and the beach isn't bad, either.  Those were my initial 
thoughts as we were shown into our little bungalow of love, and I 
looked around with eagerness, finding a good spot on the polished 
desk to set up the laptop... right next to the tidy collection of 
incense, massage oil and assorted sex manuals displayed there.  
Scully hasn't seen them yet. I can just imagine her reaction when 
she does... Hell, I can already feel my reaction, and we've only 
been here an hour.  

Our initial welcoming seminar is starting in about another hour; 
plenty of time for us to unpack, lay claim to bathroom counter 
space, and try hard to stay out of each other's way.  Well, I am 
trying to stay out of Scully's way - unwillingly, I might add.  
She's not into a tease-fest right now.  Unfortunately for her, I 
can't help but try to have a little fun... can't help but try 
pulling Scully along.  Out the door and onto the beach, both of 
us gawking at the incredible sunrise. Well, Scully gawks at the 
sky and I gawk at her.  Can't help myself - no sunrise anywhere 
on God's green earth could ever compare with all the colors of 
the sky reflected in her baby blues.  When Scully discovers what 
I have really been staring at, she folds herself up into her 
little Scully-box... cool and poised, all business - that's my 
partner.  Parrying all my thrusts, so to speak... as usual.  

It was the same last year, when we posed as the Petries. I talked 
the talk, but no way was Scully gonna let me walk the walk.  I 
tried, I really did... thought that it might be a good 
opportunity to break down a few walls... maybe get a little 
closer, learn a new side of my oh-so-desirable partner.  Except 
she shot down every innuendo; flattened every gesture.  It took 
me a long time to understand that with Scully, when the feelings 
are so close to the surface, teasing hurts.  My fun became her 
pain... man, was I stupid!

I have no intention of being that stupid, again.  I've been given 
a second chance - and I'm changing my routine.  It's time to test 
the waters; and I'm not talking about the salty stuff right 
outside our cottage.  As we finish hanging up clothes and share a 
mutually-horrified moment of staring at the silky white pajamas 
that all the couples have to wear... I fight hard to swallow the 
suggestive comment bubbling up into my mouth, and offer to let 
Scully have the huge bathroom; she flashes me the first genuine 
smile I've seen since our arrival here, and as the door closes 
behind her, I sigh and yank my polo shirt over my head.  I'll be 
good, really I will...

I'll be so goddamn good that Scully won't be able to resist.  The 
thought makes me smile, as well.

                    ~~~~~~

CHAPTER 2

This is weird... too weird.  I hesitate at the door to the 
conference room afraid of going any further.  A hard lump in my 
throat and butterflies in my stomach... I'm truly afraid to go 
inside that room.  Which is crazy because I've entered some 
fear-inspiring places in my years as a Federal Agent without so 
much as a second thought; why a candlelit conference room, 
littered with pillows and hazy with incense should panic me is 
bordering on the absurd. I feel Mulder's arm slip around my waist 
and he leans over to whisper in my ear.  

"Kinda romantic, huh?"

Is that what's terrifying me?

"Don't get any ideas," I warn him.

"Too late."  He grins back.

Thankfully, I don't get the opportunity to respond, as the other 
couples are arriving and we have to protect our cover.  Mulder 
leads me into the room, his arm firmly around my waist, and we 
follow what the others are doing, seating ourselves on the floor 
amongst the large ornate tassled pillows. 

Swami Saraswati enters last, wearing a black satin version of the 
white lounging pajamas we have all been given to wear, and takes 
his place on the raised platform at the front of the room.  
Behind him is a large banner that reads: 'LAUGH, LOVE, BE AWAKE, 
AND BE HAPPY.'  

"Good morning, Gods and Goddesses," he greets us.  "Welcome to 
the beginning of your spiritual and sexual awakening."

Oh, brother.

"I am Swami Bharata Saraswati.  I will be your guide this week as 
you are indoctrinated into the Church of the Seven Chakras.  You 
are beginning a great journey together as lovers.  Through Tantra 
you will enjoy a new sense of your self and your connection to 
the universe.  As sexual partners you will help each other 
achieve enlightenment through Tantric practices and controlled, 
disciplined  ritual intercourse... Tantric Yoga."

I'm going to kill him for getting us involved with this!  I don't 
care what Skinner said, as Senior Agent, Mulder had every right 
to turn down this assignment and he knows it.  He just couldn't 
resist... and he had to drag me right along with him.

"As you have read in your guide books, Tantric sexuality is the 
dimension of sex employed for consciousness expansion.  Tantra is 
designed to alter... through worshipping another's body... the 
state of consciousness of the participants and generally requires 
that the fire of emotion... designated love... accompany the 
sexual excitement.  That is what separates Tantrists from other 
practitioners of sex magic... we are not simply attempting to 
achieve orgasm, but rather awakening our consciousness through 
ceremonial intercourse, a ritual that requires the emotional 
commitment of the participants."

"We will begin by nourishing our bodies."  As soon as he speaks 
the words, four robed assistants appear from a door on the other 
side of the room carrying platters of food, fresh fruit, and 
various sweet breakfast breads.  A single dish is placed on the 
floor by each couple.  "This week you will not feed yourself.  
Rather, your partner will feed you whenever you are hungry.  You 
will take turns.  When the first person being fed is no longer 
hungry, you will change roles.  As you proceed, I want you to 
realize that the one you are feeding is a manifestation of that 
aspect of Divinity we call God or Goddess.  Tell the one you are 
feeding that you love them.  Don't be afraid to be playful.  
Enjoy.  Laugh.  You may engage in conversation... but you should 
only discuss the here-and-now.  Do not talk about the past or 
anything further in the future than what is happening this week 
within the confines of our retreat.  You may begin."

"Goddesses first," Mulder says as he reaches for a cluster of 
grapes from the platter.

My eyes dart quickly around the room; the other couples seem to 
be fully engrossed in the activity, not paying the slightest bit 
of attention to anyone beyond their immediate companion.  

"Come on, my Goddess, lie back on the pillows and let me feed 
you."

This is my payback for calling him Fox, I suppose.  I should know 
better than to attempt to get the upper hand with Mulder.  I 
doubt there's any chance of getting out of this, but I have to 
try.  "I'm really not all that hungry... You know me, I'm not 
much of a breakfast person.  Do you suppose they have any coffee 
around this place?"

Mulder laughs and puts his hands on my shoulders, directing me to 
lie back against a stack of pillows.  "Just relax and play along, 
Scully," he whispers in my ear, sending a jolt of heat burning 
right down through my center.  The sound of his rumbly whisper 
has always affected me this way.

Okay, I can play along, but there's no way I'm going to be able 
to relax.  Mulder kneels beside me and very ceremoniously plucks 
a grape from its stem, bringing it to my lips so slowly that the 
anticipation alone nearly does me in.  I accept his offering, 
trying not to let him see what it does to me when his fingers 
brush against the corners of my mouth as he places the piece of 
fruit onto my tongue.  Very deliberately, I bite into the sweet 
juicy grape, chewing it under the watchful gaze of my most 
attentive partner.  "Do we really have to do this?" I ask him 
quietly, careful that no one else but Mulder should hear what I 
say.  I didn't mean to sound so pleading.

"If we want to eat we do."  He picks off another grape and pops 
it into my mouth.

"I could stand to lose a few pounds," I quip as he continues to 
feed me the fruit.

"If you stopped eating for an entire week they'd be taking you 
out of here on a stretcher.  What's the matter, you don't like 
grapes?  Or does my Goddess prefer them peeled?"

This is going to be a very long week.  I sigh, and resign myself 
to accept it.  If I don't look at him, maybe it won't be so bad. 
 So I concentrate on everything but the man who's feeding me, and 
staring at me as if I were an actual Goddess.  I let Mulder give 
me several more bites of food from the plate before I tell him 
that I've had enough.  He smiles at me and reclines back on his 
own stack of pillows, waiting for me to reciprocate.  

Not wanting to have to put my fingers into Mulder's mouth... God, 
help me, I couldn't do that... I choose a large piece of fruit, a 
peach, and hold it out for him to bite.  When Mulder sinks his 
teeth into the soft ripe flesh, the juices spill out and begin to 
drip down my wrist.  Before I can wipe them away, Mulder grabs my 
forearm, pulling it to his mouth.  Then he uses his hot wet 
tongue to languidly lick the trickle of peach juice from my elbow 
all the way back up to my palm, at the same time fixing me with a 
stare that could melt cold steel.  My fingers unexpectedly become 
nonfunctional and I drop the peach to the floor between us.

Why is he doing this to me?  Surely, he can't be THAT upset about 
me calling him Fox.  God, if he only knew... Peach juice isn't 
the only thing dripping around here.  I wonder what Mulder's 
slippery tongue would feel like sliding over my... NO!  No, I'm 
not going there.  What the hell is the matter with me?

I'm beginning to question the properties of this sweet smelling 
smoke we're inhaling.  I'm feeling decidedly light-headed at the 
moment... not to mention a tad overheated.  God, that's all I 
need.  I'm having a hard enough time trying to keep it together. 
 Stoned Dana Scully doesn't know the word no... actually, she's 
quite the little tramp.  Mulder would be shocked as hell if he 
ever saw me in a chemically induced, uninhibited state.  Frohike 
was smart enough not to share with my partner what he witnessed 
in Las Vegas last Spring... I think he believed me when I 
threatened to autopsy him for such a transgression regardless of 
his state of being.

Mulder finally releases my arm.  "More, please.  I'm starving."  
He says it most seductively... or at least that how it sounds to 
me, not that I trust my judgment at this point.

I select a sweet roll this time (no juice) and bring it up to his 
mouth.  But he shakes his head.  

"Break off a piece for me," he commands.

You've got to be kidding.  I give him a look that says as much, 
but he just puts his hands behind his head and waits, challenging 
me to disobey with a single raised eyebrow.  Bastard.  He's 
liking this way too much. 

                  ~~~~~~


I should be taken out and hung from the highest palmetto, which 
wouldn't do a whole lot of damage since the highest palmetto 
comes to roughly my nose.  But still... maybe taken out and shot. 
 I am doing what I'd sworn I wouldn't do... making Scully 
uncomfortable by my joking and innuendo.  I can't seem to stop - 
she looks so damned cute in those oversized white jammies.  The 
deep vee of the top keeps gapping open in some very interesting 
ways... she doesn't realize it and I'm not going to tell her.  
When she leans over and offers the peach to me, it's like a 
fantasy come true - Scully feeding me with a juicy, succulent 
fruit, plump with sweetness.  I get to lick my way up and down 
her arm in a pretense of cleansing her of the sticky peach juice, 
and I can see just how my mouth and tongue are affecting her. I 
can feel the pulse in the crook of her arm - it's pounding madly 
against my tongue, and it's one of the most erotic things I have 
ever felt.  

I can see for myself how my mouth, and my stare, makes her feel - 
and she'd never admit it, not in a million years - but I don't 
have a million years to wait.  This is my golden chance, to make 
her see me, really see me... and to be able to solve a mysterious 
case as well.  I want them both - the X-file, and Scully.  
Greedy?  Damn straight... I'm one greedy son-of-a-bitch.  And 
still so hungry... starved.  I think I'm gonna try talking my 
white-silk-clad partner into feeding me pieces of sweet roll... 
while she's sitting in my lap.


Half an hour later, full of sweet roll (even if my lap ended up 
being Scully-less), we are seated once again among pillows and 
our sinuses full of whatever weird incense is wafting on the warm 
air of the conference room.  The smell isn't unpleasant or 
anything like that, but I can feel it going to work on me... I am 
very relaxed, too relaxed - and that worries me.  As much as I'd 
love to play with Scully, and see just how far I can push my 
luck... I know we're here for some serious business.  

I take a quick peek over at Scully, curled up next to me on the 
huge tassled pillow.  Her eyes look strange; very dark around the 
irises... dilated! That's what's wrong - her eyes are dilated 
almost completely.  And I'd bet mine are the same way... I lean 
over and whisper in her ear, as Swami 
Phoney-Baloney-whatever-his-name-is drones on and on about 
transitional moods and vortexes of energy and pulse points of 
need, blah, blah, blah... 

"Scully, can you identify this smell?  I've smelled it before, I 
know I have.  It's taking the edge off our awareness, and that's 
something we can't afford... Scully... you listening?"  I take 
her chin in one hand and turn her face to mine - and the look on 
her face just about does me in.  Christ... she's stunning... eyes 
half closed, dilated almost black; cheeks flushed and dewy with 
the humid air and whatever weird pheromones are being introduced 
into her system... hair curling around her face.  Lips swollen, 
bruised-looking, as if she'd been licking at them non-stop... the 
way I want to lick at them.  Non-stop... I can feel her face 
coming closer to me, closer - or maybe that's me, moving toward 
her, I'm not sure.  But this is a surreal moment, that's for 
certain... closer.  Our lips barely touching, and Scully licks 
her lips again, but this time she catches the edges of my mouth 
as she licks - and we gasp into each other's breath as her wet 
tongue slips along my bottom lip.  The smell of the incense... 
spicy and hot, yet almost metallic... the soothing drone of Swami 
Salami as his words penetrate the outer rim of my 
consciousness... 

The in-fucking-credible feel of her skin underneath the white 
silk covering her pale breasts, the gap in front never so 
pronounced as at the moment my hands slip into the opening and 
cup each sweet mound... hard little pebbles of her nipples boring 
into each of my palms... oh, Jesus...

What the hell am I doing?  I jerk my hands away in shock, just as 
her eyes flutter open and she stares hard into me, and whispers, 
"Mulder... don't stop..."

                   ~~~~~~
CHAPTER 3

"Scully... no."  Mulder shakes his head at my plea.  What's the 
matter with him?  He started this, now that he knows I'm willing, 
he doesn't want to play anymore?  What kind of bullshit is this? 

"I want you to touch me again."  As I speak, I take his hands in 
mine and guide them to my breasts once more; through the gossamer 
cloth of my top I can feel the searing fire of his touch.  But I 
want flesh on flesh... I need to feel him capture the curves that 
are aching for attention beneath the silky fabric of my clothing. 
 The heat of his palms against my nipples was excruciating and 
wonderful.  I want that back. 

Mulder looks almost pained as he pulls his hands away.  "Jesus... 
Scully, look at me," he whispers.  "Look at my eyes."

"They're beautiful," I tell him as I lose myself in their 
expressive depths,  "... hazel green.  I love the way they change 
color with your mood, with the clothes you wear, with the time of 
day even."  I've seen this phenomenon, and wondered at it for a 
very long time... marveled at the magic he possess in those 
chameleon irises.  Right now those beautiful hazel eyes are as 
dark as I've ever seen them.  Dark with passion.  God, Mulder, 
take me... don't hold back.  "I want you."

"No!  Scully, really look!"  He takes my face in his hands, 
forcing my wandering gaze back to his intense glare.  "Look at my 
eyes!  They're dilated... and so are yours.  It's the incense or 
whatever it is.  Shit, we're stoned."

Stoned?  Okay.  "So what?  I still want you."  Looking over 
Mulder's shoulder, I see other couples who have forgotten 
themselves and are kissing and touching each other intimately.  
It's very arousing to watch.  And as I play voyeur, my lips find 
Mulder's neck and I begin to kiss and nibble, tasting his salty 
skin.

"Don't do this to me," he begs... almost whines, pushing me away 
gently.  "It's taking everything I have to control myself.  You 
need to meet me half way, partner.  I'm not going to take 
advantage of this situation as much as I'd like to.  You'd never 
forgive me, Scully... I'd never forgive me."

"Mulder... I feel... mmm..."  Can't seem to decide on the best 
word to describe where my head is right now... It's a very 
pleasant feeling though.  I'm relaxed and almost drifting between 
wake and sleep.  And I am acutely aware of my desire... very 
acutely aware.  I want to be fucked.

"I know.  We've got to get out of here and get some fresh air."

As Mulder struggles to stand, and to help me up with him in the 
process, a couple of the Swami's assistants hurry over to see if 
they can be of service.

"Dana, Fox, is something wrong?" the woman asks us, as she and 
her male companion help us to our feet.

Mulder does the talking for us, which is good as I'm not entirely 
sure I could handle standing AND talking at this point.  "My wife 
isn't feeling well... actually, I think we both need some air."

"Ahh," the young woman smiles knowingly. "The Tagara is sometimes 
overwhelming to newcomers.  Do not worry.  Its effects are mainly 
aphrodisiac and only mildly intoxicating.  Come, Rajan and I will 
assist you outside to clear your heads."

"Thank you," Mulder smiles at the woman as she and her rather 
yummy looking companion, Rajan, help us out the door.

Outside the light is considerably brighter, the tropical sun 
already burning hot in the morning sky.  We are guided to a 
grassy area beside the main compound and both of us sit quietly 
on the lawn, filling our lungs with as much untainted air as 
possible without hyperventilating.  "Slow, deep breaths," the 
woman, who has introduced herself as Tisha, coaches us.  
"Tagara's effects wear off quickly, but you must give yourselves 
time for the transformation, to regain balance.  When achieving 
Kundalini... arousal through herbs, we must be careful how we 
return to the consciousness of our corporal bodies."

Whatever.  

As my head becomes clearer, I begin to realize what just almost 
happened.  Shit.  We haven't been here more than a few hours and 
already I'm letting this place get to me.  Mulder had his hands 
on my breasts and I was sucking on his neck and I wanted more... 
God, I wanted more!  This CAN'T happen.  I will not destroy seven 
years of the best relationship I could ever hope for because I 
got a buzz from some naturopath's homegrown.  I have to be more 
careful.  No matter what it takes, I can't allow my desire for 
Mulder to gain control over my good sense.  We are here as FBI 
Agents conducting an investigation.  This is work, however thinly 
disguised it may be, and we have to conduct ourselves 
professionally.  Thank God my partner has some measure of 
self-restraint or we'd likely be doing the wild thing for the 
entertainment of Swami Saraswati and his followers right about 
now.  Even so, I can't continue to depend on Mulder to be the 
levelheaded one... we could be in a lot of trouble if that's what 
this comes down to.  No, it's up to me to keep myself in check, 
and Mulder too if need be.  I may be taking a lot of long cold 
showers, but I WILL manage to control myself.  

I don't know what to do about the Tagara.  I'm so readily 
susceptible to drugs of any kind.  Maybe I need to talk to Mulder 
about it.  Warn him of this charming aspect of his partner's 
personality.  Then we can both be on guard... and hopefully avoid 
any more situations like the one we just found ourselves in.  
I've achieved enough Kundalini on this case, thank you very much. 
 When it comes to getting turned on, Mulder is a more than 
adequate aphrodisiac; I don't need drugs to assist my appetite 
for sex. 

                 ~~~~~~


Are we in big trouble here... oh, yeah.  Big trouble brewing on 
de island - and I don't know what to do about it.  I know what 
I'd *like* to do... and it centers around getting myself and my 
"wife" secluded, unclothed and then performing our own little 
Tantric Dance of the Naked Pretzel.  When I first began gathering 
information about this case, I honestly didn't think about the 
ramifications of subjecting ourselves to this kind of situation, 
this degree of intimacy.  Didn't stop to ponder how it might 
affect us, and our partnership, not to mention our relationship. 
 

Our relationship... yeah.  That's the big question - how will 
this little jaunt of sexual happiness affect what Scully and I 
have together?  I have a feeling no matter what kind of seminar 
we attend, what subject may be discussed (or demonstrated, God 
help us), that odd incense will always be present in the air.  
Tagara, they called it... maybe I should try looking it up on the 
web and see if the damn stuff has an antidote!  If we have to 
inhale much more of it, I sure can't make any gentlemanly 
promises toward Scully.  The pull of it was strong enough, before 
her soft lips and sharp teeth added into the mix and drove me out 
of my frigging mind.  Her mouth... God.  Those teeth...  Jesus 
save me, I am in big trouble, don't mind repeating it.

I won't - can't - take advantage of her under these conditions.  
It would be so unfair, to both of us - and it would destroy any 
hopes of having a real romantic relationship, would decimate our 
future... if we are destined to have one.  

Dinner is uneventful, thanks be to the 'Gods' and 'Goddesses' 
running this little dog-and-pony show.  No odd foodstuffs, no 
weird odors wafting on the breeze and no Swami yakking on and on 
about body parts and their relationship to mind-blowing orgasmic 
splendor.  We sit outside on a huge lanai loaded with flowers and 
palms and island bric-a-brac, feasting on all manner of fruit and 
fresh veggies and succulent meats shiska-bobbed to perfection.  
All around us, couples are snuggled closely together, feeding 
each other bits of this and that.  In keeping with the overall 
theme of the day, Scully holds out pieces of grilled pork and 
thin slices of pineapple and guava, and I am really trying to 
behave myself and just accept the food upon my tongue without 
giving in to the temptation of just gobbling her up, starting 
with her little fingers and ending somewhere up around 
breast-level.  

Oh HELL!  Why did I let that thought into my head?  This is hard 
enough, and my unbidden mini-fantasies are only making it harder. 
 Literally.  And Scully, oh man... she looks so gorgeous tonight. 
 I never get to see her in anything other than those G-suits of 
hers, or else leggings and baggy shirts - that's my Scully, but 
tonight I get to see Dana.  She wears a long, fluttery dress the 
color of the night sky; sprinkled with tiny rosy flowers and made 
of some kind of soft silk.  Spaghetti straps and a nipped-in 
bodice... she looks like a princess.  The humid island air brings 
every curl on her head into playful shimmer, and she has just a 
touch of lipstick on her mouth.  Perfect... my little 'wife.'  My 
little fantasy, sitting next to me on a wide loveseat, feeding me 
ambrosia while her eyes whisper the most outrageous things to 
mine.  She may be making small talk about the case, and her 
theories about what may have happened to those couples; doesn't 
matter because while her mouth is saying one thing, her eyes are 
saying something else entirely.  

I don't know how much longer I can sit here, and pretend that I'm 
just enjoying an island feast, when all I want to do is feast on 
every inch of her delicious Scullyskin.  I can feel myself 
sliding down into an ocean of want rivaling the one out beyond 
the torch-lit beach.  And in just a few hours, I'm going to be 
lying next to her in that wide, silk-covered bed, in our little 
bungalow.  As I reach for a chunk of mango and prepare to begin 
feeding Scully, I can't help but wonder...

Will I also be feeding my fantasy tonight?  And will I go hungry 
once again, or find myself pushing away from the banquet table a 
very fulfilled man?

                 ~~~~~~

CHAPTER 4

One day down, six more to go.  I wonder if it would scare Mulder 
too much if I knelt down and prayed before I went to bed?  I 
think a few Hail Marys might be needed tonight.  I REALLY don't 
want to get into that bed with him.  After what happened this 
morning, we've both managed to behave ourselves but...

... But Mulder is an unbelievably gorgeous man.  And his cologne, 
mixed with the scent of his body, is more potent than the Tagara 
that nearly did me in today.  And all this nonstop talk about sex 
has me in a constant state of arousal.  I can only imagine what 
state my poor partner must be in... well, on second thought, I 
don't think I better be imagining anything quite like that right 
now.  

Mulder is already in bed... waiting for me.  Why do I suddenly 
feel like I'm about to lose my virginity?  Come to think of it, I 
wasn't even this nervous when I did have sex for the first time. 
 Of course I'd had four or five beers and a couple of shots of JD 
first... I don't think it's possible to be nervous when you're 
that plastered... but the point being... Oh, I don't even know 
what the hell my point was... I'm just stalling.  Hoping if I 
stay in this bathroom long enough he'll fall asleep and I can 
just cozy up in one of the chairs for the night instead.  Yeah, 
right... that's a good one, Dana.  Mr. Insomnia is going to drift 
off to sleep at... I check my watch... God!  It's only 9:30!  We 
don't even have a TV to distract us.  I don't know what Mulder's 
going to do all night without the adult movie channels to keep 
him company... God, I can't... I can't do this!  

"Dana, my Goddess, you've been in that damn bathroom for almost 
forty-five minutes!  Are you coming to bed any time soon or are 
you planning on sleeping in the bathtub?" 

For the briefest moment I glance at the tub and consider the 
possibility... add a pillow and a blanket and it might not be 
such a bad idea.

"I was kidding about the bathtub!" he adds as an afterthought.  I 
swear to God, sometimes I think that man can still read minds.

Okay, It's pretty clear I'm not going to get out of this.  Too 
bad I didn't think to pack my facial mud.  Mulder seemed 
sufficiently repulsed by that the last time we did this married 
routine.  Of course, we didn't have to go so far as to share a 
bed then.  What am I worrying about Mulder for?  He's not going 
to try anything.  He wouldn't.  He might tease and act up from 
time to time, but he's always been a perfect gentleman where I'm 
concerned.  Well, except for today... but I really can't blame 
him for that.  We were both under the influence.  And anyway, HE 
was the one that put a stop to it.  No.  I have nothing to fear 
with Mulder.  Then why am I still locked in this bathroom?  Do I 
have that little trust in my own ability to control myself where 
my partner is concerned?  

"Hey, are you okay in there?"  Mulder knocks.  Taking a deep 
breath, I unlock the door, opening it to find his anxious face 
staring back at me.

"What?  There's a time limit?"

He's looking at me in that way he does when he isn't sure what to 
say.  Good.  It's nice to know I'm not the only one who's 
uncomfortable with this.  As I brush past him and busy myself 
with the task of hanging up my dress, I can feel his eyes on me 
even from across the room.  Please, Mulder...

"I know this is awkward, but you don't have anything to be 
nervous about, Scully.  What happened this morning..."

"Was a manifestation of the drug in our systems," I finish for 
him.  "I know, Mulder.  And while we're on that subject, I think 
you should know... I've always been highly susceptible to the 
effects of pharmaceuticals.  More so than the average person.  
I'm concerned that it could become a problem on this case if we 
continue to be exposed to these so called herbs."

He nods.  "Yeah, I've been worried about that too.  So far I 
haven't come up with any ideas on how we might avoid further 
exposure... not without risking suspicion."

We're both standing looking at the bed now.  Both of us... just 
staring at it...  

"Right or left?"

"What?"

"Which side do you prefer to sleep on?"

Is he kidding?  I sleep alone.  I don't have a side of the bed.  
"Doesn't matter," I tell him.

"Then I'll take the right."  And as he says it, he strips off his 
robe and slips into bed with nothing on but a pair of silk 
boxers; leaving me standing on the other side, my heart pounding 
out a jungle beat in my chest.  He pats the covers beside him.  
"Come on, Mrs. Hale, it's time to turn in and get some shut eye. 
 We've got a sunrise yoga class in the morning before breakfast."

Okay... all right.  I can do this.  On three.  One... two... 
three.  I casually drop my robe onto the bed and quickly get in 
between the sheets before Mulder gets too much of an eye full of 
the tanktop and sweats shorts I've elected to wear in lieu of 
pajamas this evening.  It's too damn hot for anything with a 
measure of modesty... anything I would consider wearing to bed 
with my partner.  And unlike my partner, sleeping in my underwear 
isn't an option for me tonight.  

"Night, honey," Mulder says with a grin.  And then he surprises 
me by simply turning his back and shutting off the bed lamp.

That's it?  No talk of honeymoon videos?  No suggestive 
invitations?  Not even one sexual innuendo?  Just 'night, honey,' 
that's it?  Jeez.  What's gotten into him?

"Night."  I shut off my own lamp and turn away from Mulder, 
settling in against the soft goose down pillows, and praying that 
sleep will come quickly to both of us.

                    ~~~~~~


CHAPTER 5

My hands are twisted in the sheets and hanging on for dear life. 
 Every muscle in my body is tight, as if someone has strung me on 
a rack and just keeps cranking the wheel... I throw my head back 
on the damp pillow and fight for every gasping breath, 
unintelligible words bubbling out of my corded throat and 
spilling out of my open mouth -

"JesusMaryandJosephScullydon'tstopdon'teverstoploveyoupleasedon't
stop..."

She lifts her head from my shaking thighs, a wide smile wreathing 
those swollen lips of hers, and pins my pleading eyes with her 
narrowed gaze; she knows exactly what she's doing to me.  She 
knows... and she's not gonna stop, Scully would never leave me 
hanging like that.  She lowers her head again, brushing those hot 
pouty lips over my engorged flesh.  I've never felt anything like 
this, never - I've never been so hard, never hung onto it for so 
long; never felt so much pulsing need not only in my cock but all 
over my body, flooding my veins and pumping madly inside my head. 
 Scully slips her open mouth over me again, her eyes holding mine 
as she engulfs me.  Hot slick satin... that's what the inside of 
her mouth feels like.  

Her tongue swirls endlessly around and over every inch of my 
skin, now holding me deep inside her throat; now delicately 
lapping at the sensitive ridge underneath the head of my cock... 
until my eyes literally roll back in my head and I can feel it 
coming up, thick and fast; up from my straining balls and 
flooding my cock, forcing it to grow even fuller and tighter... 
until with one hoarse scream of her name, I explode into her and 
against her, and she takes me, all of me, every last drop of me. 
 I come so hard that I lose consciousness; feel her mouth slip 
from my still-throbbing flesh and kiss its way up my shuddering 
body, over my heaving chest until she reaches my mouth, and 
kisses me so deeply and so sweetly, letting me taste myself on 
her... then she slides her soft, warm limbs over mine and 
snuggles her face into my sweaty neck and whispers, "Mmmm, 
Mulder... love you so... Mulder..."

Hell, if this is just another of my Scully-dreams, then I hope I 
never wake - because this one is the best of all...


I awake with the warmth of an early-morning sunrise falling 
across my face, my eyes slowly open just a crack, taking in the 
soft light filling our bedroom; silky sheets twining around my 
body.  No, that's not right... silky, but not sheets; what...?  I 
turn my head on the pillow very slowly, curious to see why the 
sheets should feel like warm skin -

Oh, Jesus... Scully.  She's sprawled over me like a coating of 
honey, her little tank top twisted up around her waist; I can 
feel skin everywhere, Scullyskin all over me.  Sometime in the 
night I became her mattress and she laid claim to me; and as I 
lay there underneath her still-slumbering body, I remember the 
dream-kisses, deep in the night; her dream-lips touching me, all 
over; so amazing... so hot.  And I don't even stop to wonder why 
dream-Scully did those incredible things to me, all night long - 
I just know she did, and it wasn't enough, not nearly enough I 
need more so much more... 

Wait... was it my dream-Scully... or was it real?  I don't think 
it was a dream.  I am drained to the bone... sated, and drained. 
 Exhausted and enervated at the same time -

My God.  I know it wasn't a dream.  It happened, deep in the 
night it happened... while we were both asleep, Scully touched 
me, kissed me... and I responded to her the way I would love to 
respond to her, in our waking hours, the way one lover would 
respond to another.  Scully kissed me, all over, and I - I loved 
it.  Loved it... and I want more of it.  More...

So, still half asleep myself, I roll her carefully, until she's 
underneath me; I slide my suddenly trembling fingers through her 
hair and down over her shoulders, learning anew the texture of 
her skin, her very pores; she stirs a little but she's still 
deeply asleep.  I trace the veins in her forearms, marveling at 
the life force pumping within such delicate framework; my lips 
follow the path of my hands, over her arms and back up to her 
ribcage. I move over her, kissing her neck.  And she's moaning, 
turning her head to the side to give me better access to the 
soft, perfumed flesh just behind her ear.  I take a brief detour 
and suck on the lobe, letting my tongue play with her earring, 
eliciting a higher pitched squeak from her delicate throat.  Then 
I return to my task of tasting her neck, and when I find the 
place that makes her squirm, I let a little of the wicked boy in 
me come out to play, and I nip, perhaps a bit harder than I 
should, and I'm rewarded with a gasp from Scully's cherry lips.  
I continue my trail of kisses, lifting her shirt as I go, 
brushing over and around a tender breast; as my mouth finds one 
precious nipple and my tongue gently touches the very tip, just 
the tip of that rosy point... I can't resist raising my eyes to 
her face, her lovely face - wanting to see her eyes as they 
flicker behind still-closed lids; to watch her sleepy eyes as 
they open, as blue as the sky when the sun rises and the world 
awakens; wanting to see the loving awareness flood through her at 
the touch of my lips and tongue.  Wanting her smile to break over 
me, cleanse me from the inside out... want this, so bad... I 
watch her eyes as they begin to open under fluttering lashes, my 
tongue still bathing her so sweetly...

Only to see the initial sleepy acceptance of her gaze widen into 
something akin to horror, as she sees me suspended above her and 
feels my mouth on her... as she gasps and pushes at me, at my 
head; breaking my connection with her and demanding in a shaken 
voice, "Mulder!  What the hell are you DOING?!"

Stunned, I quickly move off of my now fully awake and decidedly 
livid partner, and she immediately hops out of bed, glaring at 
me, furious.  She's really mad.  I've never seen Scully so mad.  
Her face is flushed, she's breathing hard.  I'd say she's 
seething.

"Mulder!  I... you..."

Jesus, she's so angry she can't even speak.

"I'm sorry, Scully.  Really sorry."  I'd like to get out of bed 
and make a more dignified apology, but Scully would probably get 
even madder if she saw the monumental boner I'm sporting 
underneath these silk boxers.  She doesn't say anything more.  
Just turns her back on me and storms off to the bathroom.  She 
slams the door and I hear the click of the lock.  A few seconds 
later the shower is turned on.  Christ, what have I done? 

                     ~~~~~~


Fuck, that's cold!  

I'm freezing.  My flushed skin prickles under the chilled water, 
and the shock of it draws my breath away at first.  But this cold 
shower is my only hope of fighting the fire burning inside me.  A 
fire Mulder ignited as he lay atop me in that bed and pressed his 
lips ablaze with passion to my skin.

This is insane.  As I let the icy water bite at my flushed body, 
all I can think about is Mulder biting on my neck.  Waking up to 
him nibbling at my throat, at the sensitive places along my 
shoulder and behind my ear, and then he... then he... God!  The 
feel of his hot mouth on my breast... I thought I was going to 
come right then and there!  It was incredible.  So unbelievably 
good to have his warm wet lips tracing a trail of fire over my 
body.  His tongue rolling over my tightening nipple.  I don't 
know how I found the strength to stop him.  As I woke and came to 
the realization of what was happening, I lay there paralyzed 
momentarily with fear, and at the same time wishing it didn't 
have to end.  But I had to stop him.  His erection was urgently 
announcing itself between my legs, and I knew if I stayed in that 
bed with him another minute all would be lost.  God, I wanted to 
be lost.  Completely lost in him.  I wanted him to tear off my 
clothes and ravage me, run that hot tongue of his over every inch 
of my body.  Mmm...

Okay, this isn't helping.  I've got to get my mind off him.  
Somehow, I have to think about something other than how much I 
want to climb back into that bed with him and take out six or so 
years worth of pent-up sexual tension.  I have to stop thinking 
about how much I wish I would have awakened to his cock buried 
deep inside... too late to stop him... too late to do anything 
but fuck him so hard neither one of us would be able to walk for 
days.  Oh, God, please help me.

I'm freezing.  Shivering.  My teeth are chattering.  And I'm 
still horny as hell.  This isn't working.  I know what I need to 
do.  But how can I with Mulder only in the next room?  Yet I know 
I have to find release somehow.  I'm too stirred up.  I'm boiling 
inside at the same time my skin is turning color from the cold 
torture I'm inflicting upon myself.  I need it.  I need to touch 
myself, make myself come.  Give my body what it's been craving 
all day.  Maybe I can.  Maybe... If I don't think about the fact 
that he's just on the other side of the wall.  Or maybe if I 
do...

Enough cold water.  Reaching out with trembling fingers I adjust 
the temperature of the shower until a warm rain is soothing my 
chilled flesh.  Ahh... yes, that's better.  Warm... nice and 
warm.  Slowly, I turn the heat up until steam begins to envelop 
me in its comforting fog.  You can stop fighting it now, Dana, I 
tell myself.  Let it happen.  It's okay to think about how 
incredible it was.  How Mulder was kissing me, biting me, 
suckling my breast.  I woke up so wet and ready for him, if 
only...

...If only I hadn't stopped him.  I shut my eyes and let my 
imagination take over.  He would have touched me like this.  Yes, 
oh... God!  I can't believe how wet I am, so sensitive that I 
jump at my own touch.  Just enjoy it, Dana.  Imagine it's Mulder 
touching you.  Imagine he's the one running his fingers back and 
forth along the side of your clitoris, teasing you, letting the 
tension build... slowly at first, very slowly...  Oooh... Please, 
Mulder, faster, I plead with him.  But he won't.  He says, 'No, 
Scully, it has to be slow.'  Please, Mulder, don't torture me 
like this.  I need it.  I need to come.  I need to come now!  But 
my fantasy Mulder is horribly cruel to me... 'Not until I say so. 
 I won't let you come until I say it's time, Scully.'  Slowly he 
rubs his fingers over me... such sweet agony.  God, Mulder, I 
can't take this!  'Yes you can, Scully,' he insists, 'and you 
will, because I say you will.'  Jesus, please... Mulder, I'll do 
anything... anything that you want.  Just please, I'm begging 
you...  'I like hearing you beg, Scully.'  Please, please, 
please!!!  I'm desperate.  I NEED this.  'On your knees, Scully.' 
 I gasp at his demand.  'Now!' he orders me.  Oh, God!

Doing as my fantasy Mulder instructs, I kneel in the warm spray 
of the shower, my fingers continuing to work in earnest the 
aching, burning place between my thighs.  'Good, Scully, that's 
good.  I like you on your knees.  Now I want to watch you.  I 
want to watch you pleasure yourself for me.'  But Mulder... I 
want YOU to touch me.  I want you to make love to me.  'No!  
Never!  You'll never have me, Scully.  You know that's the way it 
has to be.  Now do as I say, or I'll go.'  No!  Please!  Stay.  
Stay here with me.  I'll do it.  I'll do whatever you ask.  'Then 
touch your breasts for me, Scully.  Use both hands.  Knead the 
soft flesh.  More, Scully.  Squeeze them as you would like me 
to.'  

Ohhh... I fondle myself as the hot water cascades over me.  The 
needle spray of the shower contacts my stimulated and over 
sensitive nipples, stinging them, making them grow harder.  
'Pinch your nipples, Scully,' fantasyMulder stands over me and 
commands.  I obey immediately, but it's not enough for him. 
'Harder!' his rough voice so threatening in the darkness of my 
imagination.  I can't refuse him, and as I follow his order, I 
can't help but cry out from the pleasure-pain of it.  God, I hope 
Mulder can't hear me... the real Mulder, the one lying in bed in 
the very next room with a serious hard on.  Not the Mulder that's 
talking inside my head, that's driving my fantasy, and saying 
'Yes, Scully, that's good.  I like what I'm seeing.  Now, I want 
you to do it.  I want you to make yourself come for me.  I want 
you to do whatever it takes, but I don't want you to stop until 
you come.  Do you understand?'  Yes, I tell him.  I'll do 
whatever you want.  

While I let one hand continue to massage and caress my breasts, 
the other returns to the swollen center of my sex.  I roll my 
fingers around and around... faster... my ministrations bringing 
me to a near frenzied state of arousal.  I ache for 
penetration... to feel a man inside me... to have Mulder's cock 
buried deep in my body.  My fingers are a sorry substitute for 
what I desire most.  But sadly, I am well practiced and therefore 
skilled at this particular transgression.  Only recently have I 
started to believe that this act of self-gratification may be the 
only form of sexual release I know for the rest of my life.   

My fantasy Mulder has abandoned me now.  I am left alone, 
desperately fighting for climax... squeezing my thighs together, 
trapping my busy hand as it works hard rubbing sensitive tissue 
over bone. 

Please...please...please, I chant over and over, my lips forming 
the words, though I dare not make a sound.  I'm so close.  
Increasing the pressure and speed of my assault, I still can find 
no escape from the hell I am caught in.  My hips rock back and 
forth.  I pinch one nipple hard again.  Will nothing bring an end 
to this?  I huddle myself into a ball on the floor of the shower, 
the water beginning to run cold once again.  As the icy rain 
falls over my back, and my drenched hair clings to my face, I 
push three fingers up deep inside myself, repeatedly thrusting in 
and out over the spot I know needs soothing the most.  But it's 
not until I bring my other hand down to grind over my clit, that 
I finally bring myself off.  And the walls of my vagina contract 
wildly around my slickened fingers.  I hold so still, squeezing 
my throbbing sex until the last of the orgasm subsides.

When I return to myself, I quickly shut off the freezing cold 
water and wrap up in a warm towel.  I feel better, and worse.  
Better, because I have finally alleviated the need that has been 
driving my into insanity all day.  Worse, because I realize how 
hopeless and pathetic it is that I would choose to masturbate 
rather than give myself to the man that I am in love with, all 
because I'm too much of a coward to risk my losing him. 

No way in hell am I getting back in that bed with Mulder.  But I 
can't hide in this bathroom the rest of the night; so after I 
towel dry my hair, I put my clothes back on and somehow manage to 
find the courage to open the door.  I can't, however, bring 
myself to look at Mulder as I quickly make my way to one of the 
overstuffed chairs and settle myself into the cushions, drawing 
my knees to my chest, cozying up with full intentions of making 
this my bed for the duration of our stay in this place.  I don't 
know what could have possessed him to take advantage of me in my 
sleep.  I never would have expected anything like this from 
Mulder.  I've always trusted him completely and exclusively.  I 
don't know what to think about this... about what he's done.

"Scully," Mulder's voice is soft and apologetic.  I can hear him 
getting out of bed and I childishly shut my eyes, wishing he 
wouldn't be able to find me in the darkness.  "Don't sleep in the 
chair.  Come back to bed."  He's standing right beside me now, 
but I still refuse to look at him.

"I don't think so."

"I insist."

"Mulder, please leave me alone."

"You can't sleep in the chair."

"Watch me."

"Look, I'm sorry about what happened.  But after last night... I 
just thought..."

"What do you mean, after last night?"

"You were all over me... kissing me, touching me.  I woke up with 
my very own Scullyblanket."

Now I look at him hard.  "You're lying!"

"I would never lie about something like that.  Jesus, don't you 
remember? ...Oh my God... you weren't awake, were you?"

I'm shocked, as I suddenly realize, with horrifying 
embarrassment, that I must have been acting out my dreams last 
night on my partner.  This is just too much.  Shaking my head 
slowly in response to his question, I can feel tears of 
self-consciousness and confusion stinging my eyes.

Mulder kneels down beside my chair and looks at me with such 
tenderness.  "Scully, I didn't know.  I thought you were aware of 
what you were doing.  I'm so sorry... Shit, it's no wonder you 
didn't go for your gun and shoot me!"

"Mulder, It's okay," I reassure him.  "I just need my own space 
right now.  Please respect that.  Please understand."

He puts out his hand.  "Come on, you take the bed then.  I'll 
sleep in the chair."

"Don't be ridiculous."

"I won't see you punish yourself because of my misdeed.  I'm not 
sleeping in that bed without you, Scully.  And it makes no sense 
for the bed to go empty and both of us to sleep sitting up."

"Mulder... God, you really can be a pain in the ass sometimes."

~~~~~

Mr. Persuasive wins out... she gets back into bed with me, making 
sure she huddles herself at the very edge of the wide bed.  I lay 
in the exact center of it, on my back, hands under my head... I'm 
not looking at Scully but every cell in my body is aware of her; 
my skin hyper-sensitive to her every movement, lying there three 
feet away from me.  I can't relax, and I guess she can't either. 
 It's still so early... barely five AM.  Too early to get up for 
anything, and I'm tired, but my damn traitorous body won't let me 
sleep - not as long as it thinks there's a snowball's chance in 
Hell that Scully will get near me again.  

I finally roll over on my side, and my eyes search for her in the 
watery morning light - only to find her on her side facing me, 
eyes searching for me as well; a curtain of fiery hair slanting 
its way over her cheek and a half-smile curving a corner of her 
mouth.  I want to slide closer to her, but after what went on 
just a few hours ago... I'm afraid if I move one inch she'll bolt 
from the bed.  So I force myself to lay very still, my hand 
opened palm-up on the pillow next to me.  I close my eyes and 
convince myself to fall asleep... find myself slowly willing a 
blankness to settle upon my fevered mind.  I think of nothing, as 
much as it's possible to think of nothing when the most desirable 
woman in the world is lying next to you with heavy-lidded eyes 
and a Mona Lisa smile on her lips.  But I close my eyes and keep 
them closed... and when her small hand slips into mine and 
presses my skin, palm to palm... I find I can finally sleep.


CHAPTER 6

Apres'-breakfast on the first full Tantra-day... God save us.

After another session of partner-feeding, Swami Saraswati 
announces to our group that due to some setup requirements for 
the upcoming seminar we are all free to enjoy the beach and laze 
in the sun for the next hour and a half. He cautions everyone 
about pursuing any intimacy in the privacy of their rooms, 
explaining that for the live Tantra demonstrations we need to be 
as sexually famished as possible so as to fully absorb the Tantra 
dynamic. Great... just what Scully and I need most.  More sexual 
tension.  Like our cottage wasn't just chock-full of it just 
before daylight this morning, when I awoke to find myself covered 
with my very own Scullyblanket. 

I can still feel her, smell her - that baby-soft skin of hers, 
sprawled all over my chest, legs tangled up in mine and open 
mouth against my throat.  I truly thought I'd died and gone to 
heaven.  In fact, that's what her skin had smelled of: heaven.  
Heaven-Sent, to be exact - I had bought her a bottle of it last 
year, for Christmas, remembering how I'd passed by a perfume 
counter and smelled Scully; looked all around for her, even as I 
knew she wasn't there - and a helpful saleslady assisted me in 
hunting down the source of the delightful fragrance.  Scully had 
been very surprised, and pleased, I think - that I not only 
noticed her fragrance but had gone to some length to get her 
some.


Well, time to play, I guess - time to go a have a beach of a 
time. I snag Scully's hand as we walk away from breakfast; she 
doesn't look at me but her hand curls trustingly within mine as 
we walk back to the bungalow and change our clothes.  I am 
practically bouncing on my heels, at the thought of finally 
getting to see Scully in that bikini of hers.  I tug on my bright 
blue trunks, thankful that I didn't give in to the urge to pack 
my Speedos.  That kind of swim gear's not really meant for ocean 
wave-bombing, anyway... the trunks fit snugly as well as 
modestly, and are really more comfortable.  I sit on the end of 
the bed, impatient for Scully to come out of the bathroom; I know 
she only brought the one suit and I can only imagine how that 
sweet little curvy body of hers is gonna look in it.  Ah, door's 
opening; out she comes, hair combed back into a ponytail high on 
her head... 

Wearing a white tee shirt that flows down to her elbows and hits 
her about one inch above her knees. My face falls, and Scully 
chuckles as she sees it drop on the floor; she reaches out and 
squeezes my shoulder.  "Relax, Blue Boy - suit's on underneath 
the shirt.  I have to have some semblance of modesty, don't I?"  
She moves away but not before I catch her around the waist and 
haul her up against me, staring into her eyes and watching them 
widen in surprise at my abrupt actions, as I whisper to her.

"You don't have to wax modest around me, Dana."  Close to her 
again, the first time since early this morning; breathing in 
again her Heaven-Sent.  Mmmm.  She's not pulling away, but she's 
not leaning into me either; not meeting my hot gaze, but not 
pushing me away.  Just standing there, in the circle of my arm, 
bright hair brushing my cheek, as she replies in a voice just as 
soft - so soft I think I may have only imagined the words.

"Yes, I do... Fox. I really do - if I want to keep my sanity and 
any level of professionalism... I have to."

~~~~~~

CHAPTER 7


Ever since Mulder stumbled upon the fact that I had purchased 
this bikini for a planned trip to California to visit Bill and 
Tara; a trip that, incidentally, never came about because I wound 
up going to Africa instead, he's made mention of it repeatedly.  
Must have fueled his imagination, the thought of the oh-so-proper 
Agent Scully clad in nothing but a few scraps of midnight blue 
spandex.  Well, it wasn't bought for Agent Scully to wear.  It's 
something Dana fancied herself in.  And I wouldn't have brought 
it along on this trip if Mulder hadn't specifically requested 
that I do so.  Actually, I packed and unpacked it three times, 
not sure that something so skimpy was appropriate for work, even 
an undercover assignment in the tropics.  

But part of me really wanted to wear it for Mulder.  Part of me 
wanted to see his reaction when he discovered that his partner 
has been secretly spending what little free time she has working 
out at a private gym away from curious and gossipy colleagues... 
making her body look better than it ever has in her life.  There 
may be a few scars, not so fond remembrances of cases that went 
down badly, but I don't think Mulder's going to notice when I 
finally get up the nerve to take off this monster T-shirt I'm 
hiding under.

Abaco island is incredibly beautiful.  The sand is a fine white 
powder and the water surrounding us an almost surreal turquoise 
blue.  Several of the members of our group are out playing in the 
surf, a few have spread blankets on the sand and are basking in 
the sun.  Mulder and I find a place in the shade of a grove of 
palms, even with sun block it's best for my fair skin if I avoid 
prolonged exposure to the tropic sun.  We spread out our blanket 
and drop the rest of our belongings, books, sunglasses, sandals, 
and towels; then sit down and look around at the dreamlike 
panorama of the shoreline.

"Want to go for a swim?" Mulder asks almost immediately, with 
such a look of innocence on his face that I have to bite my 
tongue in an attempt not to laugh.  

All right, G-Man, you were so sweet to behave yourself in that 
huge bed of ours the rest of the night.  The least I can do is 
indulge your curiosity.  "Sure," I tell him as nonchalantly as I 
can, considering the way his eyes keep darting from my face to 
the T-shirt, clearly wishing a hole through the fabric.  Standing 
up, I make a production of stretching, prolonging his agony, 
before I finally pull the shirt over my head and toss it onto the 
blanket.

"Jesus," I hear Mulder gasp, before I turn to see the gaping 
astonishment on his face. 

Trying to hide my smile of satisfaction at his obvious approval, 
I regard him with the same feigned innocence he only a moment ago 
offered to me.  "Do you like the suit?"

"No," he shakes his head, teasing, eyes roving lustfully over my 
body.  "But what's filling it's awfully damn nice.  You've been 
working out."

"I have," I confess, blushing at his compliment, and the 
extraordinary amount of attention he's paying to every inch of my 
exposed skin.  "Thank you for noticing."

"You look stunning."  He stands and starts to move towards me.  
There's predatory intent in his eyes, a look that sets my heart 
to racing.  The warning alarms begin blaring inside my head.  
Sorry, Mulder, I can't let this go any further.  I'm about to 
offer a challenge of a race and make a dash for the water, when 
seemingly out of nowhere I hear Swami Saraswati's voice.

"Fox.  Dana.  It good to see you both enjoying the pleasures of 
our beautiful island paradise."  He steps out of the grove of 
trees, not three feet away from us; and in a panic, I mentally 
run through the conversation Mulder and I just had, hoping we 
didn't say anything that would blow our cover.

Mulder's wearing his panic face too.  I'm sure he's thinking the 
same thing I am.  How in the hell did this guy manage to sneak up 
on us?  "Dana and I were just going to go for a swim," Mulder 
offers casually, charming smile concealing his anxiety.

"I highly recommend it," says our devoutly religious spiritual 
guide, who is at this very moment checking out my bikini-clad 
ass.  In fact, he seems to be studying it.  I glance at Mulder 
and I can see his irritation threatening to boil over.

"That's a lovely tattoo," the Swami finally reveals his thoughts 
to us.  "The Khechari Mudra.  A serpent swallowing his own tail. 
 The symbol of autosexual intercourse with the self."

Huh?

Mulder instantly forgets his jealousy and moves around to admire 
the ink on my back.  God, how humiliating.  I'd completely 
forgotten about my little friend back there.  Now that I think 
about it, I don't believe Mulder's ever really seen it before.

"Autosexual intercourse?" Mulder asks.  

"Yes.  Khechari Mudra is an advanced Hatha Yoga and Tantric 
technique in which the tongue is seemingly swallowed.  In actual 
fact, the tip of the tongue is thrust deep into the nasal-pharynx 
region behind and above the soft palate.  From the viewpoint of 
occult anatomy, the tongue is the penis of the mouth, the 
nasal-pharynx is the vagina and the uvula is the clitoris."

Help me.  So this is what it feels like to die of embarrassment. 
 God, why did I ever get that stupid, stupid tattoo?

"Khechari Mudra traps positive and negative psychic forces in the 
head, through the symbolic penetration of the phallic tongue into 
the vaginal naso-pharynx."

"Really?"  Mulder is completely fascinated.

"Yes.  I would be more than happy to provide you with some 
reading material to offer you more insight into this practice and 
it's spiritual and sexual ramifications."

"I'd like that very much.  Thank you."

I'm having the damn thing removed the minute we get back to DC.

"Certainly.  Well, I must go prepare for this morning's session. 
 We will be viewing live demonstrations of the Tantric 
Eucharist."

Oh shit.


                  ~~~~~~


Well, let's see: one hour of sun, followed by almost forty-five 
minutes of fun oceanic splashing around, and both of us have 
managed to forget the tattoo (more or less).  It's time to head 
back to the hotel and that well-padded, candlelit room, full of 
pillows and Tagara and pre-sex... Jeez, this is gonna be tough.  
I have to be on my strictest guard; I can't take the chance of 
alienating Scully forever.  So we dry off and slip on the tee 
shirts we brought with us; collect all our gear and walk around 
to the beach entrance of the conference room.  Most of the other 
couples have already settled in, and our hopes of finding a spot 
near the back, where we can take inconspicuous notes and whisper 
without anyone noticing - well, that's out of the question now.  

Swami Wiener sees us and smiles broadly, motioning us to occupy 
the pillows right in front of the thick, rubbery mat which I 
suppose will serve as a platform for the demonstration.  The 
floor is about three feet higher there, and I am sure the couples 
in the back will get a great view, but not as great as Scully and 
me, who should be lucky enough to be able to count pubic hairs, 
if we so desire.  God!  Under her breath, I can hear Scully 
mutter, "UGGHH!  Mulder, we're toast..."  I reach out one hand 
and grasp her suddenly icy fingers, and give them a reassuring 
squeeze.  I sink to my knees and then prop myself on one side, 
pulling her down until she's nestled beside me, her back to my 
front.  She stiffens for one instant before managing to relax, 
and her head leans back on my shoulder and she whispers in my 
ear, "Mulder, damn you... using me as your shield.  I'm gonna get 
you for this."  And I can't resist whispering back to her, low 
and teasingly.

"Ooo, I hope so... Dana."


The demonstrating couples have disrobed and have taken their 
places on the mat, and the Swami stands before them, addressing 
fifteen couples in the audience who are beginning to look a bit 
uncomfortable - rather matching the looks Scully and I have been 
sporting since we first snuggled in on these damn fat pillows.  
The demonstrators are young, slender and beautiful - and so are 
the women.  They pair off, three perfect couples facing each 
other on their knees, eyes closed and touching with their hands 
only, palm to palm.  They breath in and out, in un-synchronized 
rhythm, with the men exhaling on the women's inhale - ears no 
doubt attuned to the Swami's suddenly mesmerizing voice; as he 
describes what we are about to see.   

Ten minutes later, I admit to myself that Scully and I are in big 
trouble.

Behold... three couples, each engaged in a different Tantra 
position.  Couple number one, the closest to us on the mat, are 
performing something called Mula Bandha.  I have something more 
accurate to call it: try "Fuck-Rocking."  This is not to be 
believed; he's got his legs wound together like a pretzel and 
she's straddling him like there's no tomorrow, her heels digging 
onto the soft mat, behind his back.  Judging by the twin looks of 
flat-out ecstasy on their faces, I'd say they're in the Zone - 
with every thrust he gives her, they pull apart at the upper body 
and lay back, connected tightly at the groin but floating almost 
horizontal.  They glisten with sweat, and we can hear them, 
moaning to each other as they grip hands and alternately lay 
prone and then pull at each other until they come face to face, 
to kiss deeply, and repeat the sensuous move, all over again.  
Damn... that's only Couple number One. The other two are pretty 
tame compared to these kids.  Of course, Scully and I WOULD be 
lucky enough to have them right in front of us... 

I am so goddamn hot I could fry an egg on my balls... and I am so 
painfully tight and engorged that I feel I could come a geyser if 
a feather happened to drop from the sky and land on the tip of my 
wang.  How the hell am I gonna be able to sit through any more of 
this?  My arms are wound tightly around Scully, who is still 
pressed to me, back to front - and as the couple before us begin 
to rock faster, and moan louder, I can feel Scully squirming 
against me, feeding my agony; can hear her gasping breaths, 
diaphragm hitching underneath my clammy hands.  And I am slowly, 
slowly rubbing myself on her, prolonging the agony of what's 
going on in my swim trunks. If I'd known it was going to be this 
bad, I would never have volunteered us for this assignment.  If 
I'd known how impossible it would be, to not react to my gorgeous 
partner, whom I love more and more with each passing moment of my 
life... I would have nabbed Scully's hand and run like hell, in 
the other direction.  

So, what does Mr. Cool FBI agent do?  He grabs his partner's 
hand, and forces it behind her and right on top of his raging 
Peter-Boy... and the gasping moan she sends into the pillow in 
front of her makes me grind her fingers into my aching member, 
even as I shove my hand into the damp waistband of her bikini 
bottoms, and bury three fingers deep within.  Her body jumps, and 
shudders; the pillow she now holds in front of her, the only 
shield against prying eyes and what they may see us do.  I move 
my fingers in and out, and she is so wet that she soaks us both; 
so responsive to every tiny move I make that pleasing her this 
way is effortless - and her small hand covers me and all five 
fingers dig in, deep.  It feels so good.  So good... both of us 
watching three couples in full Tantric-throes, each couple 
striving for the same fulfillment as we are... except they are 
more experienced at holding off than we are.  

And then I feel it - the beginning shudders of what will amount 
to a full-blown earthquake, in the territory known as 'Scully's 
Center.'  If I don't stop, she'll come, right in front of all 
these people... if I stop, I'll surely die from the loss of one 
of the most incredible moments of my life.  And suddenly it 
doesn't matter if I don't get off; doesn't matter if I get 
nothing more from this than a hard hand job.  I want this, for 
the woman I love; want to give it to her though I know she will 
most likely kill me for doing it to her.  But I can't stop, not 
now - not to her.  I grit my teeth, and pull away from her hand; 
she sucks in a surprised breath but before she can seek me again, 
I bury my teeth into her neck to hold her still and twist my 
fingers into her, curling them in the opposite direction, and my 
thumb presses down hard on her clit - and she clenches around my 
hand like a vise.  

She's coming, fast and furiously... not making a peep.  Scully, 
coming on me, while a part of me is inside her... doesn't matter 
that it's not my cock.  Scully's coming and I have never felt 
anything so powerful.  It goes on forever, while on the mat in 
front of us the first couple begins to shake, rattle and roll.  
But I hardly notice because Scully has finally stopped convulsing 
around my fingers and is  quiescent underneath my hand; she gives 
one final shudder, before she whips her body around to face me 
and stares into my eyes, hers narrowed and fierce. And as she 
spits six words into my personal space, I know I have blown it, 
yet again.

"Damn you, Mulder... I HATE YOU..."

~~~~~~


CHAPTER 8


"Scully..."  Mulder is close on my heels as I let myself into our 
bungalow, so close that I nearly hit him in the face with the 
door in my haste to escape.  "Jesus!  Scully... hold on a 
second."

"Leave me alone!" I shout at him, evading his outstretched hand 
and making a beeline for the closet.

"What do you think you're doing?" he asks, seeing me retrieve my 
suitcase and place it open on the bed.  

"What does it look like I'm doing, Mulder?  I'm packing my 
goddamn suitcase and getting the hell out of here!"  As quickly 
as I can, I gather my clothing and throw it into the open bag.

"You can't... we're in the middle of a case!"

Oh, this man is truly amazing!  "Is that what you call this?  I 
don't see a whole lot of FBI work being done, Agent Mulder.  So 
far, what I see is you making a variety of indecent advances on 
your partner!"  I stop my packing to regard him with a fitting 
look of contempt.  "Let's review, shall we?  At breakfast 
yesterday you copped a feel of your partner's breasts... I have 
witnesses, Mulder, a whole damn room full!"  His apologetic eyes 
are wasted on me at this moment.  "Then..." I continue hotly, "I 
woke up from a sound sleep THIS morning to find YOU... my 
partner... sucking on my left nipple!"  At least he has the 
decency to hang his head.  "And now... this latest outrage!  
Taking advantage of me even though I told you how affected I was 
by the Tagara.  You couldn't wait to get another shot at me while 
I was under the influence of that drug!"  I turn back to the task 
at hand, unable to look at him any longer.  "A finger fuck, Agent 
Mulder?  How very partnerly of you!  Jesus Christ!  What are you 
going to do next?  Rape me?"

He takes exception to that last part.  "Hey, hold on!  You're 
making out like you're completely innocent in all this.  Who 
begged me for more yesterday at breakfast, hmmm?  Who made me her 
personal mattress all night last night?  Not to mention the fact 
that you spent the better part of said night pressing hot little 
kisses all over your PARTNER'S body."  I open my mouth to object 
but he plows ahead with his accusations.  "And who has been 
parading around in that skimpy little bikini for my benefit, 
hmmm, Agent Scully?"

"You son of a bitch!"  I can't believe he's actually trying to 
blame me for this!  I move to stand right in front of him, 
refusing to be intimidated by his height advantage... although, 
I'm seriously missing my heels at the moment.  Looking up into 
his smug face, I lay it on the line.  "Admit it, Agent Mulder, 
you only took this case because you thought you might get lucky."

"What?!"  He laughs.

"That has to be the reason, because as a X-File this case doesn't 
make it, and you know it.  There's nothing paranormal going on 
around here.  I'd be willing to bet there's nothing more to this 
than a bunch of oversexed, bored, aging, baby boomers who, 
lacking any real fulfillment in their lives, have shaved their 
heads and run off to live on a commune somewhere, reliving the 
glorious sixties as part of their mid-life crisis... You had no 
business agreeing to take an assignment like this without 
consulting with me first.  And since you didn't consult me, I can 
only assume you were afraid I'd say no.  Which leads one to the 
logical conclusion that you had personal motives driving your 
decision!"

"I was well within my rights to accept this case without getting 
your approval first.  I AM the Senior Agent."

"Oh, believe me, Agent Mulder, I'm well aware of that fact!  In 
the seven years we've been partners, I've yet to prove myself 
worthy to have my name on the door of our office, let alone earn 
a level of respect from you that would necessitate something as 
drastic as having my own desk!"

"So we're on that now again, are we?  I suppose to get back at me 
you'll be running off to fuck another psychotic murderer and 
commemorate the moment with one more classy tattoo!"

His words sting, but I am too furious to retreat. "You bastard!" 
 I give him a hard shove, causing Mulder to take several quick 
backward steps in order to keep from losing his balance.

"Watch it, Scully," he growls menacingly... and damn if I don't 
feel a pull of excitement deep in my gut.  I stand here breathing 
hard, pulse racing through my veins... seething with anger, but 
oh so aware that something else is tugging at my consciousness, 
something simmering right under the surface... a hidden need... a 
fascination with danger... and dangerous men.  Mulder has 
inadvertently touched off a spark and caused a fire that he 
doesn't even know... would never even imagine... exists within 
the heart of his sensible and reserved partner.  His trespassing 
in this secret place brings me to a state of near hysteria, as I 
realize that he has the ability to own me with just a hard stare 
and a few threatening words.

With trembling hands I haphazardly throw the remainder of my 
wardrobe into the suitcase... knowing I'm in trouble, that I have 
to get out and get out fast.  But Mulder isn't about to let me 
go.  I know this, even as I grab up my belongings and make for 
the door.  He steps in front of me, blocking the way, and any 
hope of avoiding further confrontation.

"Stop!  We can work this out, Scully.  Don't run away."  He 
places his hands on my shoulders and I go ballistic, dropping my 
bags and pushing him away... pushing him with so much force, that 
my six foot tall partner hits the wall hard enough to knock a 
picture to the floor.  

"Keep your goddamn hands off me!" I scream at him, shaking with 
rage, compounded ten fold with desire. "I hate you!  I hate you! 
 I hate you!"  With each restatement of my disdain, a little more 
control slips away.  Head spinning with a tumult of emotions, I 
have lost all ability to think rationally.  Stubborn as ever, 
Mulder refuses to give up.  As he moves towards me yet again; and 
I experience a moment of blinding madness, brought on by the 
sheer terror of feelings I am helpless to repress.  I strike out 
at the man responsible for my weakness... but he effortlessly 
captures my wrist in a vise grip before I can deliver a punishing 
blow to his face.  He pulls my arm hard to the side and glares at 
me with hurt and fury mixed in his stormy eyes.

My knees grow weak under his hard stare.  A fluttering thrill 
takes hold at my center.  My heart feels as though it will 
explode from my chest.  And there is an exhilarating charge of 
electric energy awakening every nerve in my body.  The hint of a 
smile plays briefly on Mulder's full lips.  He jerks me suddenly, 
spinning us around and shoving my back against the wall with 
jarring intensity... pinning me there with his taut muscular 
body... face inches from mine...hot breath caressing my cheek.  
"You like it rough, Scully?  Is that what turns you on?"  His 
whispered words are deliberately intimidating.  And he rolls his 
hips, grinding his pelvis against me, the steel of his cock 
pressing into my side with bruising insistence.  I draw a deep 
gasp of breath, and Mulder says "Yeah, baby, that's it, isn't 
it?"  His dark eyes are now piercing mine, but I'm hypnotized, 
lost, unable to look away.  He waits... a heartbeat... two... 
three.  Then through clenched teeth he demands an answer.  "Isn't 
it!" he barks and I jump.

God, he's got me so turned on.  If I weren't trapped against this 
wall there'd be nothing keeping me from melting to the floor in a 
puddle of lust at his feet.  How is it that I am seduced by such 
as this?  That my greatest arousal comes not from tenderness and 
romance but from something far more insidious... fear, the thrill 
of losing control... intimidation, risk, possibility.  The darker 
side of passion, the fantasies of a G-woman, a woman who must 
command respect in her daily life, yet only wants to be commanded 
in her intimate, secret, sexual indiscretions. 

"Goddamn it!  Answer me when I ask you a question, Scully!"  He 
pulls me roughly across the room and shoves me down onto the bed. 
 I'm breathing hard, panting with anticipation... fascinated to 
discover a side of Mulder I have only fantasized about.  How far 
will he take this?  Could I stop him now if I wanted to?  What 
have I unleashed in him?  And is it harmless or something to 
truly be feared?

"No, Mulder, I don't want this," I lie to him, testing my 
power... wondering at how much control still remains mine.  It 
surprises me the breathlessness with which I say the words.  Am I 
so beguiled by his dominance that I am losing my voice... losing 
myself bit by bit until there's nothing left of my will... just a 
body for Mulder to ravage and take pleasure from?  Drawing a hand 
up to my face, I marvel at the fever in my cheeks... the fire 
within burning to get out. 

He grabs my chin, forcing me to look into his eyes as he speaks. 
 "Don't you fucking lie to me, Scully!  Don't you dare lie to me! 
 I could see it in your eyes, the minute you were manhandled a 
flame ignited within you... your passion was so explosive it 
nearly knocked me off my feet."  And then he moves over me, 
crawling on the bed... a feral beast straddling my boneless, 
defenseless form.  "I can give you this, Dana, I can give you 
what you need."  He's petting my face now with the back of his 
hand... so gentle, yet his eyes are dark and untamed.

No.  My mouth forms the word but there is not enough will left in 
my body to utter the sound.  I shake my head.  Fighting... 
fighting against the overwhelming need to give myself to Mulder. 
 Even as I know the choice has already been made.  

"You say no now.  But by the time I'm through with you, Scully, 
you'll be begging to be fucked."


~~~~~~


I can't believe I said that to her.  But I am so flamingly hot... 
she's made me nearly insane with the wanting of her, and the 
reading I get from her eyes alone, tells me I'm not too far off 
the mark.  It borders on rape, it really does - and I can't 
believe it's gotten pushed this far; can't begin to understand 
it.  But we've taken it too far to go back; I think both of us 
are in agreement about the end of an era here, and the beginning 
of a whole new partnership.

I want to cherish her, endlessly; I want to stamp every inch of 
her with my lips and mark her soul with my teeth.  I want to be 
tender and I want to hurt her; want to lick her sweet skin even 
as I pound myself into her, so hard and deep that she will bear 
the results of our coupling for the next twenty or so years.  The 
need to be tender and loving is at war with what I observe buried 
on those blue eyes of hers; swimming perilously close to the 
surface and breaking the surf to gulp at the life-force crashing 
between us.  Our gazes are locked on each other; my hands still 
stroking her face.  I can't seem to catch my breath, and every 
inch of me is rock-hard and pressing her down into the soft bed. 
 Suspended in the soup of need we have both created, getting 
thicker by the second - and I wait just a little too long to 
decide how I must play her - just a little nanosecond more than 
she can bear... 

Because Scully suddenly growls, deep inside her throat, and her 
sharp little teeth latch onto the sensitive corded artery at the 
side of my neck, and bites down - hard.  And it's all I need, all 
that's necessary; that, and her growled, "Dammit, Mulder... you 
started this... now finish it... finish it please..."

She's begging... Scully.  Begging. Can she even fathom what her 
words are doing to me, I wonder?  Could she guess that about me; 
that I would become even more enflamed by the pleading face she 
presents to me?  Strong, insurmountable Scully... little does she 
know how the need to dominate her has fueled so many of my 
nightly fantasies.  If she knew, she'd run a mile in the other 
direction.  But for now  her words have tightened every muscle in 
my body, and my need has grown to such an extent that I press 
down even harder into her, and grind her words right back to her, 
right into her open mouth.

"We are gonna finish it, Scully - right here, right now.  But my 
way - all my way.  If you behave, and follow my lead...  you'll 
be rewarded.  But if you give me any trouble, any resistance, you 
will regret it, I promise.  So, no more talking - it's time to 
walk the walk. Let me show you... let me have you..."  Those are 
the last coherent words we speak to one another.  I raise up a 
little, just enough to reach out a hand and rip her bathing top 
off her body; she shudders at the feel of the tearing material, 
but doesn't break eye contact with me.  She pushes eager hands 
down the front of my trunks and tugs hard, almost bruising me as 
she pulls at them.  I manage to get them down my legs and kick 
them from my feet, as I repay her 'kindness' by yanking the 
bottoms from her hips so hard I know she'll have marks later on. 
With nothing between us now but skin, bared teeth and unending 
heat, the fight for dominance is on - even though I told her to 
behave - but I don't intend to lose this one.

Scully is writhing beneath me, trying to reverse our positions; 
with a muttered, "Oh no you don't, Scully..." I pin her down 
harder, holding her hips tightly between my hands as I shimmy 
down her body, and fasten my mouth on the wet softness front and 
center.  Her entire frame shudders at the first contact of my 
lips and tongue, and  her hands lock into my hair as she hisses 
one sobbing breath between her clenched teeth.  

She tastes like thick cream, so sweet.  I could drink her in 
forever, could stay down here for eternity, want to stay here 
feasting on her.  I can't even think of giving her any sort of 
foreplay finesse; I am way past the point of tender probing and 
delicate kisses.  The need to drive her insane with it, make her 
feel some semblance of what I am going through... it supersedes 
all else; and when she begins to wriggle again, trying to gain 
the upper hand - I clamp down hard on her hips again, and raise 
my mouth just enough to rasp out, "Stay still, Scully or so help 
me I'll tie you to the bed..."

~~~~~~

Oh... Jesus... oh, God!!!  What is he doing down there?  It's 
impossible to hold still.  Doesn't he know that?  He's feasting 
on me, suckling my clit, nibbling on the most tender of tissue... 
still swollen and hot from what he did to me earlier.  I can't 
believe he made me come in front of all those people... that I 
let him... that I somehow managed to keep myself from crying out 
to God in Heaven as one of the biggest orgasms of my life 
consumed me... at the touch of my partner's hand. And now he's 
doing things... things no one has ever done to me before... 
things I've only dared imagine in my wildest fantasies... And he 
knows my secret.   He knows what I crave.  His tongue is 
mercilessly licking at the entrance to my vagina, stimulating 
more and more of the juices of arousal that he laps up as if they 
sustain his very life.  His hands hold my hips firmly to the 
mattress, fingers bruising my flesh as I strain against him.  I'm 
burning, on fire... what he's doing is too much.  I can't stay 
still, Mulder... I can't, I can't...  My hands are twisting at 
the bedcovers as I breathe in deep gulps of air, trying to steady 
myself, trying to bear the sweet torture Mulder inflicts upon 
me... just as he demands... without moving... but I can't... I 
can't...

"Ahhh!  God!  Mulder!  Stop, please... please stop!"

He lifts his eyes and looks at me, but never once lets up on his 
assault.  He starts to moan, to hum... the vibration causing my 
whole body to tremble. Nononono... It's too much... I reach out 
frantically, grabbing his hair in my fists, trying to push him 
away before I go out of my mind.

He finally lifts his head... slowly... and the look he's giving 
me... Oh, God.

"You have a desire to be tied to the bed, Scully?  Is that what 
you're telling me?  Is that why you're purposely disobeying me?  
Because I'd love to do it. I'd love to tie you spread eagle 
across this bed, one limb to each of the four corners... nice and 
tight so you can't move.  And then, baby, all bets are off."

I have to bite my lip to stop the cry of passion that threatens 
to escape at his words.  For just a moment, I shut my eyes and 
imagine myself Mulder's hostage, tied down as he described.  If I 
didn't think it would kill me, I might even consider letting him 
do it. 

"Oh, you're thinking about it, aren't you, Scully?" Mulder's 
voice invades my self imposed darkness. "Jesus, G-woman, what am 
I going to do with you?"

~~~~~~

CHAPTER 9


I tie her to the bed.

I have to - she's thrashing around so much I am afraid she'll 
hurt one of us; at least this way she has to lie still or chance 
hurting herself.  I have to lock her to the bedpost with my 
handcuffs and hers; I'm glad we brought them.  Force of habit - 
once an agent always an agent, I guess.   I lock her to the 
headboard by her hands, leaving her kicking and cursing on the 
bed, and go in search of something to tie her feet.  I finally 
find one of my neckties and the sash to her bathrobe; these'll do 
nicely.  She manages to kick my shin, one knee and my elbow, 
before I finally get her tied; as I work on her I mutter, "You'd 
better hope you don't hit anything vital, Agent..."  Her furious 
words alternately piss me off and amuse me; enflame me as well.

"When you get through with me you may as well kill me, Mulder... 
because I swear when I get my hands on you, you are one hell of a 
dead man!  LET ME GO YOU BAS - MMMPHHH...!"  She swallows the 
rest of it, as I swallow her mouth, her tongue, both tonsils and 
her uvula, all in one fell swoop.  And just like that, she melts; 
just like that she stops fighting and her mouth opens wide 
beneath mine and she eats at my lips as furiously as I feast on 
hers.  She's straining now against her restraints, trying to get 
closer... I don't want her to hurt her wrists, so I decide to pin 
her down the way she wants... the way we both want. I draw back a 
little, slip a hand between her thighs to open her up - and I 
bury myself full-length into my own small bit of heaven.  

~~~~~~

Ohhhhh... Jesus... ohhhhh!  He's inside me.  God... Mulder fills 
me completely and then some.  And it's the most incredible 
feeling I have ever known.  We are one; as our souls have always 
been, now our bodies are too.  Mated, joined, coupled... lovers. 
 I grow completely still under his weight, surrendering to the 
futility... I didn't want this... and at the same time, I've 
never wanted anything more.

None of that matters at this point, as I lie here a helpless 
victim of my own passions.  I cannot blame Mulder for this, even 
as he has taken me despite my objections... I led him here.  If 
he hadn't seen in me the need... the aching want to be dominated, 
to be controlled... Mulder would never have been so bold. 

As he starts to move in me, I rock my hips to match his rhythm.  
We moan into each other's mouths, until Mulder tears himself free 
of our kiss and buries his face into the crook of my neck... 
seconds later I feel his teeth dig into the soft flesh there.  I 
cry out, but he continues... marking me with a bitten trail of 
his desire.  He fucks me harder, spurred on by my vocalizations. 
 That animal I unleashed in Mulder is attacking with feral 
intensity and purpose.  And I am his prey.

                     ~~~~~~

I can't hold on much longer, but I don't ever want this to end - 
don't ever want to be anywhere but inside Scully, so deep I can 
feel the beat of her heart in my blood.  She's pulsing all around 
me, still restrained but somehow able to give me back every 
thrust I lavish upon her, and we are both so close.  So close.  
God, she's incredible.  I'm sore, and I probably won't be able to 
walk for the next week, but... no way am I gonna stop now.  My 
hands are framing her beautiful face, fingers combed through her 
damp hair, and I know if I don't slow this down it'll happen too 
soon for us, and I want more, much more from Scully.  So I slow 
it down, go from pounding thrusts to easy, gentle strokes; bury 
my face in her neck as I move in her.  Slower, and slower... so 
deep and so slow.  I twine my fingers deeper into her hair as she 
shudders and quakes beneath me - her body struggling to adjust to 
the radical change in the pitch and tenor of mine.  She moans in 
surprise at the change, and her breath hitches in her throat as 
she urges, "No, Mulder...  God... harder.  Don't stop, harder, 
please." 

I slow my hips even more, and my tongue traces over her cheeks 
and down the salt of her shoulder; I am taking such slow, long 
strokes now, driving both of us nearly out of our minds with it. 
 Scully is trembling now, trembling in frustration and need; as I 
kiss her she bites at my lips hard, until I pull away and stare 
down at her, seeing her glittering eyes boring into mine as she 
hisses, "Mulder, dammit! I can't... Jesus, harder!  Please." and 
her voice drifts off into another deep moan, as I give it to her 
slower, and slower... and slower. When I slip one hand between 
our sweat-slicked bodies, and gently press on her ultra-sensitive 
clit, still stroking her with agonizingly slow thrusts... her 
head falls back on the pillow and her breathless voice groans out 
one long, needy, "Oh, God... I'm in Heaven..."

~~~~~~

"That's right... that's right, baby, let Mulder take you to 
Heaven."

This experience is beyond sexual.  He has taken me to a place 
outside of my body, to a level of ecstasy that exists somewhere 
apart from the physical connection we have made.  With each slow 
penetration I am taken higher... my mind drifts in a state of 
consciousness that can only be described as nirvana.  Talk about 
a sexual awakening... My God, I couldn't even begin to describe 
what I am going through with each of his slow, deliberate 
thrusts.  I am vaguely aware of my physical self; at the moment 
my body is practically convulsing... shaking violently in 
response to what Mulder is doing to me.  My breathing is shallow 
and quick.  The burning at my center is so intense now that it 
suddenly becomes the sole focus of my entire being.  I hear 
Mulder call out to God as well as several other deities, and 
stiffen over me as he climaxes... pulsing into me... coming hard 
and long.  And then everything explodes around me... everything 
goes white hot... I am enveloped in rapture so overwhelming... so 
completely and utterly all encompassing that I let loose with a 
keening yell that the whole fucking island can surely hear.  

Then the darkness finds me...

When I come to, Mulder is shaking against me, breathing heavily, 
face pressed into my skin.  He manages to lift his head and stare 
down at me with eyes dark with residual passion, body sweaty and 
exhausted... and it's not until his trembling hand wipes the 
wetness from my cheeks that I realize I'm crying.

~~~~~~

I am an utter fuck-up.  I made her cry - AGAIN - 
Jesus, what a loser.  

Never mind she wanted it as much as I did; I forced her to want 
it.  I gave her no choice but to want it.  What the hell is wrong 
with me!  I finally have Scully where I have always wanted to 
have her: in my bed, connected to me in the most intimate way... 
where I have needed to be for so long; deeply inside her, finally 
able to show her as well as tell her how much I love her, cherish 
her... and what do I do?  Well, let's count the ways I 'show' 
Scully my love:

I yell and scream at her.
I accuse her of wanting to be raped.
I manhandle her intimately in front of a roomful of people.
I tie her down to a bed, push myself inside her and plank the 
crap out of her.
Not to mention biting her, bruising her and generally doing 
bodily harm to her.
Oh yes... and making her beautiful eyes cry.

Another suave move from Mr. FBI Agent-Man. As I said - a loser.  

She's frighteningly silent and still, underneath me; and I am 
afraid to look into her eyes; afraid to see the damnation which I 
know I will find there.  Her damnation... and I couldn't stand it 
if I saw that, in those blue blue eyes of hers; I swear it would 
send me over the final edge.  I feel the tears start to come up, 
from deep inside me, from my soul; as I fumble for the key lying 
on the nightstand next to the bed, and try unlocking the first 
set of handcuffs, the tears blind me; threaten to overwhelm me as 
I struggle to fit the tiny key into the equally tiny slot. My 
fingers are huge thumbs of clumsiness.  As I manage to get one 
poor arm free, suddenly my silent and still partner comes to 
flaming life beneath me; her free hand, wrist ringed in faint 
bruises, flies up toward my face; I flinch, thinking she means to 
plow her fist into my face... 

...And her hand bypasses my face which has suddenly buried itself 
in her soft breast, hoping to find some sort of absolution there 
within that forgiving flesh; fingers digging into my hair with a 
vengeance... she yanks at my head hard, pulling my wet face out 
of her skin and into the harsh light of day shining through her 
equally wet and furious eyes, as she sucks in a huge breath and 
fairly screams at me, "Goddamn you to HELL, Mulder... I love 
you...!"

Oh, Sweet Jesus... she said it first, this time. I am floored by 
the thought that as bitingly angry as she is, she would say it 
first. Those words mean everything to me; those words fuel my 
soul as nothing else could, as nothing in my whole sorry life 
ever will - and I can feel the tears spill out and down over my 
cheeks, as I bask in her vow; as her little bottom lip trembles 
and then the dam really breaks, all over both of us; and I am 
holding her much too tight and I have forgotten to release her 
other hand and her legs as well but it doesn't matter because her 
free arm is wound so tightly around my neck that she is choking 
off my breath but I don't need to breathe all I need is her mouth 
on me kissing me into oblivion and her words healing me from the 
inside out as we weep all over and kiss all over our exposed 
skins.  

The words I sob back to her, into her mouth; placing each loving 
syllable along her tongue and against each pearly white tooth; 
the secrets I send down into her, using her throat as my own 
personal microphone - telling her I didn't mean it, didn't mean 
all those words I said all those awful accusing words - would 
never hurt her not her... love her so much so much... they make 
her cry harder, and I would begin kicking myself all over again 
for making her cry yet again, but she won't let me debase myself 
any longer; my Scully is generous to a fault that way.  Even as I 
try to tell her, she's shushing me, holding me so close, 
whispering to me, "Shh, stop it Mulder... if I didn't want it you 
wouldn't have done it... I know you.  Do you hear me, Mulder?"  
She winds her hand behind my head and forces me to look at her, 
right into her eyes.  "You would NOT have done it.  I know you."

I nod against her, knowing that if I don't agree she won't let me 
go.  I nod, and pull away a little, slip my mouth tenderly over 
her still-bound wrist, before I pick up the key and unlock the 
other cuff; kiss and soothe the ring of reddened skin before I 
move down to her feet and untie her legs, one by one.  I see a 
thin band of red around each ankle as well, and slam down the 
tears which threaten to erupt again, as I take one small ankle 
and begin to lick and kiss the soft skin there; my mouth moves up 
her leg tenderly, kissing and tonguing her satiny flesh; trying 
my best to heal it, heal her and in the process heal myself.  I 
kiss and lick higher and higher; now stroking her behind her 
dainty knee; now moving up her slender thigh... to her shapely 
hips... to the damp and sweet reddish curls... over that wondrous 
silk, sending warm breaths into the heat of her, feeling her 
begin to shudder anew at the touch of my mouth, on her.  

On her, and then in her, in her endlessly cradling body... and I 
whisper words into her, sending them down into the very essence 
of her, praying she'll believe me, crying to her of my love for 
her, pleading with her to accept. And she strokes my head so 
gently, and her words bring me back to myself, give me some 
semblance of absolution for my angst-ridden conscience.

"Oh, Mulder... stop.  I love you, Mulder... I love you so...  
don't  - just let it go, okay?  No more angst-ridden tears... no 
more!  Just be with me; be here with me. Ohhh, God Mulder, like 
that - just like that.  Like that..."

~~~~~~


TANTRIC, (Episode 2)


CHAPTER 10


"What are you reading now, Dana?" Mulder leans over and plants a 
few soft kisses on my neck as I sit lotus position beside the 
pool, enjoying some of our scheduled free time.  It's been an 
amazing week.  And while we haven't gotten any closer to solving 
our case, Mulder and I have certainly gotten closer.  So far so 
good on that.  Maybe I was wrong to be afraid of it all these 
years.  The sex has been unbelievable, and once we got past 
Mulder's guilt phase, our relationship has never been stronger.

I tilt my head to the side and enjoy the feel of Mulder's lips as 
they travel slowly up to my ear.  "Lessons of the Kama Sutra... 
mmm... It's a guide book Swami Saraswati recommended."

"You're really getting into this stuff."  He rolls his tongue 
around inside my ear, knowing that it always makes me shudder.

"It's fascinating, actually."

"Is my Catholic girl thinking of converting?"

"No.  Nothing like that.  Tantra embraces all faiths.  You are 
not asked to make a departure from your status of life when you 
accept its practices.  It's not a religion as much as it is a 
spiritual science involving methods of going into the 
subconscious mind and diving deep into the unconscious mind... to 
clear up your personality, your deep-rooted complexes, to correct 
your behavior, to rehabilitate you psychologically and 
physically.  Tantra is also Kundalini Yoga, the purpose of which 
is to awaken the powerful consciousness in man in order to make 
it possible for him to have a greater reality in himself."

"You've been spending too much time with Swami-boy," he whispers 
in my ear, then takes a seat beside me on the ground.

There are a few other couples enjoying the pool today as we wait 
for dinner and the evening seminar.  I wasn't able to salvage my 
bikini, but we were all allowed a brief visit into the small 
village that passes as civilization on this island paradise, 
where I managed to pick up a suitable replacement... with 
Mulder's help of course.  

My handsome partner has developed quite a tan after six days 
under the tropic sun.  I've managed a slight tinge of pink to my 
normally pale skin... Mulder calls it a healthy glow.  If I'm 
glowing it has more to do with the affects of Fire-God Mulder 
than exposure to sunlight.  The man is insatiable... not that I'm 
complaining.  I think we're both making up for years of sexual 
deprivation.

"Dana, what do you say we head back to our little love shack and 
partake of some holy communion, Tantra style?"

Um hmm... insatiable, but it brings a smile to my lips.  
"Actually, as appealing as that is... I really want to finish 
reading this book before tonight's lecture."

"You're serious about this stuff?"

"I'm surprised you're not more into it..."

"I'd make a lousy Tantrist, sweetheart.  I'm a bit more goal 
oriented when it comes to sex.  This holding off orgasm crap 
isn't for me.  When that Yogi pretzel guy told us he denied 
himself the big O for, what was it...?  Nine years?  That pretty 
much turned me off on the subject."

"He was seeking awakening... and anyway, that kind of extreme 
dedication is not required of all practitioners.  Don't be so 
close minded, my love."

Mulder laughs.  "That's me, Mr. Closed-Minded.  What's gotten 
into you?"

I grin at him.

"Well... besides me."

"I don't know.  I'm just interested... I think I experienced some 
level of awakening... that first time."  Damn, I know I'm 
blushing.  "It was so powerful.  I started thinking there could 
actually be something to all this."  I shrug.  "I'm a scientist. 
 Call it research."

"Far be it for me to stand in the way of scientific studies.  As 
long as I can be your lab assistant, Dr. Dana."  He puts his hand 
on my thigh and gives a gentle squeeze, offering me a provocative 
leer.

"I was thinking of you more in the position of project director."

The Master of Innuendo doesn't miss a beat.  "I'm imagining both 
of us in quite a number of positions actually."  His hand slides 
up the length of my leg until he reaches the pulse point of my 
femoral artery, fingers gently brushing over the chartreuse 
fabric of my new bikini.

Maybe I can finish reading this later...

                 ~~~~~~

Hard to believe we've been here a week - but we have.  It's flown 
by, with neither of us any closer to understanding why seventeen 
couples disappeared, or what may have become of them.  I have a 
suspicion that maybe Scully is right after all; it may be as 
simple as a desire amongst them, to learn everything there is to 
know about the Tantra - involving no more than a decision to 
squirrel themselves away from the civilized world for a period of 
twelve years, while they continue to receive lessons and guidance 
from their very own Gurus.  Then again... it could be more 
sinister than that.   I say this not to accuse anyone on Abaco; I 
think this goes beyond them. 

I have been approached by Swami Saraswati; although I was 
expecting some sort of one-on-one contact with him, I was taken 
aback somewhat by his enthusiasm; apparently he thinks Scully and 
I could become the next matched set of Swamis.  It's true we have 
embraced the Tantra fully, within one short week of being here.  
I guess it didn't take us long to figure out what we truly needed 
out of life.  Well, it didn't take Scully long... not long at 
all.  Scully has found a new Truth within herself... and I am so 
glad for her; glad to see the last vestiges of her solitary, 
stiff existence melt away, as she studies the Tantra and absorbs 
its teachings like a sponge.  

Boy, does she ever absorb it! I may not survive the sponging.  I 
have managed thus far to stay abreast of her, so to speak - by 
reading right along with her, by attending all the classes and 
the private sessions; by using my body and hers as test subjects 
for all aspects of the Tantra dynamic.  And Scully makes one 
incredible test subject, taking me to levels I have never before 
even thought of reaching, never mind achieving.  Last night... 
God. Last night she spent an hour closeted in the bathroom; I 
assumed she was taking a bath.  Wrong-o... she'd been reading 
again.  The Swami had given her a thin manual, some sort of 
pressure techniques using the hands of both partners.  She 
breezed into our bedroom smelling deliciously of jasmine and 
musk, wearing nothing but a tiny nightslip, and a smile... hair 
damp and wavy from the bath steam.  I had been half-heartedly 
flipping through a set of illustrated positions, turning them 
sideways and upside down, just to amuse myself because I was 
bored.  She jumped into the bed, tore the illustrations out of my 
hands and pushed me down on the pillows with one hand while the 
other twitched off my boxers slicker than a well-oiled owl (not 
that I ever saw a well-oiled owl... but I digress). 

Her eyes intense and bluer than I'd ever seen them, she ran five 
hot fingers over my hips and around to my ass, avoiding my 
suddenly-straining cock, slid three of her fingers between my 
tight cheeks and, still holding my gaze with hers, crooked her 
middle finger and slid it into me, pressing with the tip while 
her tiny knuckles actually wiggled sideways.  God knows how she 
learned to be so dexterous, but... suffice to say the move 
brought me up, immediately hard and swollen to the max; in all my 
adult life it had never happened that fast.  With just one 
crooked finger she kept me there, for what seemed an eternity, 
while her tongue slipped and curled its way over my balls and up 
and down my straining length; each time I felt myself beginning 
to pump, she moved her finger a fraction and the need stemmed; I 
was sweating from every pore, gasping for breath and arched like 
a bow - and she was only touching me with the tip of her tongue 
and a few fingers.  I found myself alternately gasping, cursing 
every frigging deity in the Heavens and begging her to never 
stop...

That was last night.


Today is our last day on Abaco; today we have to make a 
decision... to go back to DC and report to Skinner that we have 
been unsuccessful in discovering anything further on the missing 
couples; or stay on in another capacity; one which I find as 
exciting as it is scary.  Early this morning, coming back from my 
run, Swami Sariswati approaches me as I rub at my sweat-laced 
hair with a towel, there on the beach.  Wearing his customary 
black loose jammies and a white turban, the Swami is all smiles 
as he greets me and asks for a minute of my time.  We find an 
empty table on the main lanai and sit down with glasses of papaya 
juice.  

"I wanted to talk to you, Fox - about how pleased I am by yours 
and Dana's excellent progress in learning and adapting the Tantra 
to fit your own lives and your intimate relationship."  The Swami 
is a tad on the pompous side, but I have already determined his 
intentions to be good, and he seems to genuinely care about his 
students.  "I will of course speak to Dana as well, but I am 
curious - do you have a desire to take your Tantra a step 
further?  Do you wish to learn more about your sexual awakening 
in such a way as to bring complete satisfaction  and a spiritual 
maturity the likes of which you have never known?"  

My brows lift questioningly at his words, at the bright passion 
and purpose glowing behind his eyes, his smile - and of course my 
curiosity is piqued.  How can it not be?  I have seen for myself 
the fullness, the overwhelming oneness of the Swami's 
relationship with his partner, Narr... and I would like nothing 
better than to achieve even a tenth of that with Scully.  

Besides, we need a legitimate reason to continue investigating - 
and I have a feeling it's been offered to us.  So I smile at the 
Swami, and put on my enthusiasm face (actually, about the same 
look as my panic face).  "Tell me more, Swami..."

~~~~~~

CHAPTER 11


"It's a great opportunity, Mulder... in ways which will mean the 
most to us - we can continue to investigate, although I still 
think there's really nothing left there - and we can expand our 
relationship and grow in Tantric perfection..."

Late afternoon, and we are relaxing on the lanai outside our 
bungalow, snuggled in one oversized lounger, Scully leaning back 
between my legs.  The sun is beginning to drop a little, getting 
big and orange in the almost-lavender sky.  It's been a busy day; 
we've had two seminars already and because these were mostly 
demonstration only... I was feeling very strung-out.  The morning 
seminar featured a tactile demonstration of various Erosha 
massage techniques that had my head spinning, and then this 
afternoon a continuation of the same lecture had us practicing 
some of the massages on each other.  We were allowed to use 
erosflow techniques to induce a state of full-body arousal, but 
we were denied permission to complete the circle, to achieve 
oneness.  By the time the seminar was over and we were allowed to 
return to our room... there was so little left of our respective 
sanity that we ripped, tore and plundered, all the way to the 
bathroom, all the way through the shower and drying off right on 
up to the moment we actually collapsed in the lounger and 
prepared to discuss the immediate future.

Now Scully presses back against me and wiggles a bit to catch 
just the right position of comfort, and I stifle a groan and 
concentrate instead on her soft voice as she weighs the pros and 
cons of working with our very own personal guru.  As she pauses 
for breath, I jump in with a few questions of my own.  After all, 
we are contemplating the placement of our own personal Tantra 
into a stranger's hands... I don't care how wonderful he may be, 
or how highly recommended he is.

"Scully, what do we really know about this guy?  We could be 
taking a big chance, and this is a huge commitment we are 
considering.  It worries me... not the commitment we've made to 
each other of course, but whatever this Master guru thinks he can 
do for couples like us who are interested in Tantric growth... 
there are a lot of con artists out there. I mean, anyone can plop 
a rag on their head and wear an oversized diaper and change their 
name to something exotic, and claim to know the secrets of the 
Chakra, if they have enough funding and like to read books..." 
Scully cuts off my words with a hand slapped over my mouth, her 
expression amused and a bit exasperated, and interrupts me 
gently.

"Mulder, I'm way ahead of you - I did some checking, and he's 
legitimate.  Master Baet-mi Vishnu Indra Yidah... impressive 
academic background and a history of counseling equally as 
impressive... I printed it out; you can see for yourself... why 
are you laughing?  Stop that...!"  For I begin convulsing with 
chortles as soon as she says the guy's name.

"Master Baet-mi, Scully?  Ooo, any time you're ready, Darlin'..." 
 Her eyebrows shoot up to her hairline and she's biting her lip 
to keep the chuckle contained, as I continue.  "You have got to 
be kidding!  With a name like that, I wouldn't be able to look 
him in the eye, much less accept Tantra guidance from him!  Are 
you sure he's not just plain old 'Joe Schmoe', from Hoboken?"  
That earns me another Scullyglance, almost a glare; she gets to 
her feet, heads for the bathroom, tossing a parting retort over 
her shoulder at me, still lounging in the chair.

"I'm taking a nap, Mulder... wake me when you're ready for 
dinner.  And if you're so worried about the Master Yidah, why 
don't you look him up on the internet?"

Thirty minutes later, I am booting up my laptop.  Behind me in 
the darkened room, Scully is curled up in the soft sheets of our 
bed, sound asleep, and I decide to skip the full dinner this 
evening and maybe just grab some fruit later on.  I'm not hungry 
anyhow... I just began reading through a copious amount of email; 
much of it from Skinner.  I'm sure he's demanding to know how the 
undercover work is coming along, and when we are coming home.  I 
wish I knew the answers to both of those questions...  I see a 
message from my mother's legal office, and open it rather warily. 
 I am still so raw where Mom's death was concerned - and I don't 
know how long it will take for me to reach true closure.

The email is from Petersen-Fitch, the law firm which had handled 
Mom's affairs for all of her life.  I am wary; don't know why.  
Premonition?  Maybe... I take a deep breath, and read:

Mr. Mulder:  

I understand from your Assistant Director, a Mr. Skinner, that 
you are out of the office for an undisclosed period of time.  If 
you get this message, you need not do anything unless you wish to 
challenge.  Though quite frankly, you would have nothing to 
challenge about.

Your mother's Last Will and Testament was read yesterday; sorry 
we could not wait for you to get back, but due to legalities we 
were under a time limit where the reading was concerned.  I will 
not go into excruciating detail right now; just relay to you the 
facts.

Your mother has basically left everything to you, as you may have 
expected.  By everything I assume you will understand the scope 
of her material wealth - however I will briefly outline for you. 
 There are three homes, the larger being the house in Chilmark, 
Massachusetts, which was I believe your childhood home; also the 
house where your father, William Mulder, resided until his death, 
on Martha's Vineyard.  There is also a smaller home in 
Williamsburg, Virginia. Your mother purchased it ten years ago as 
an investment, and since it is owned free and clear, and is also 
one of the oldest homes in Colonial Williamsburg, it is of course 
quite valuable.  Appraisal comes in at just over $650,000.  Total 
appraisal on the other two homes comes in at $325,000, and 
$410,000, respectively.

There is also a three-hundred acre spread of land just outside of 
Williamsburg, bordering the county line on one side and the 
National Historical Park on the other.  Again, very valuable, and 
owned free and clear.  Appraisal comes in at just under 
$1,435,000.

There are also various stocks, bonds and notes, and several 
savings accounts; again I won't go into the detail now.  I can 
send you that information at a later date.  Total on these amount 
to little over $1.8 million dollars, give or take normal stock 
market flux.  You mother had no outstanding bills, no IOUs, and 
no committed charities.  She gave $2,000 a year to Rosh Haddish 
Synagogue on Martha's Vineyard, and always in the form of a legal 
endowment check.

There is also a lump appraised amount of roughly $492,000, for 
furnishings; three vehicles including a vintage Jaguar appraised 
at $150,000 and various jewelry pieces which are all safely 
locked in your mother's vault at the Williamsburg house.  Jewelry 
appraises at roughly $79,000, since there are several excellent 
antique pieces belonging to your paternal grandmother, and a 
collection of diamond pieces passed down from your maternal 
great-grandmother.  

Therefore, your total appraised gross worth comes in at around 
$5,341,000; we would expect to see you able to clear and net at 
least $3.8 million, after taxes and assorted penalties.

If you have any questions concerning your inheritance - and I am 
sure you will - please contact me via this email.  I will expect 
to hear from you upon completion of your current assignment.  We 
can set up a meeting with a good investment broker and financial 
advisor, and also get immediate funds signed over to your 
accounts.

My sympathies on your recent loss, and please allow me to assist 
you wherever needed-

Sincerely,
J. Joseph Fein, Attorney
Petersen Fitch Law Offices


Holy SHIT... with home fries... 

I stare at the tiny screen, not able to assimilate what I have 
just read.  I cannot believe it... I don't want to accept it, or 
even imagine what this kind of wealth could mean to me.

When...?  When did my mother become Queen of the financial world, 
and amasser of valuable stuff?

I can't accept this... I just can't.  My mother... proud owner 
of... Colonial history?  Vintage Jaguars?  Bank accounts and 
stocks and notes?  Three point eight million dollars net total...

Jesus.

I prop my suddenly-aching head in my hands, and stare unseeingly 
at the tinted screen, struggling to understand my new 
affluence... asking myself if I really want it... knowing I have 
no choice.  I have no family left... except Samantha.  So, 
technically I suppose I could say I have no family left.  I never 
have to work another day in my life... except to continue the 
search for my sister.

Let's just see if I can put this into some sort of proper 
perspective.

I have the means to live out the rest of my life as an eccentric 
millionaire, using my resources and whatever sort of connections 
this wealth brings me... to conduct my own private search for my 
sister.  Unless I give up the ghost, as my mother did... in which 
case I technically become an only child, as well as an orphan. 

I can pursue a life with Scully; one we could never have 
imagined; one which affords both of us the luxury of doing 
whatever we please for as long as it pleases us... we can remain 
involved with the Tantra lifestyle, and let this Masterbater guru 
person train us in the more complex aspects of achieving our 
ultimate goal: sexual and spiritual oneness with each other.  I 
can do this; I can have this; have it all.

Or I can proceed on the premise that locating Samantha is still 
on my horizon and within reach, if I leave myself the 
opportunities and the network of resources which have less to do 
with money and more to do with dedication and hard work. I can 
proceed with the heart-held knowledge that my sister will be 
found, and when she is... how wonderful it would be to hand her 
the key to a house, and the jewel box which I am sure resides in 
the vault (God, my mother had a vault!) in the house in Colonial 
Williamsburg... and whisper into her ear, "Welcome Home, Sis..."

Wonderful, indeed.

The island world outside our open lanai is settling soft and 
deepest blue, as I slowly close down the laptop and put it away; 
shrug out of my swim trunks and spoon my tired body behind 
Scully's; she stirs for only a second, long enough to murmur into 
the pillow, "Mmm, Mulder... love you..." before she is deeply 
asleep again.  I have a lot to think about, but I think for now I 
will lay my troubled mind down on the pillow next to my baby, and 
cup one sweet breast as I allow myself to doze... to dream.  
Before I surrender to it completely, I press a featherlight kiss 
into Scully's nape - and feel her hand slip between our bodies 
and encompass my cock, holding it lightly, warmly... 
protectively.  I sigh, and drift... perfect.

Why do I have the feeling that this is the last truly perfect 
moment we may have for a very long time?

In the end, we make a decision, and stick with it.  We opt for 
the training, and the chance to further our investigation.  We 
opt to explore ourselves as well as our ever-expanding sexual 
relationship.  We go to the island of our new Guru.

~~~~~~



CHAPTER 12


By the time we finally arrive on Mohona it is dusk.  We are 
escorted by our guide, a young man calling himself Manu, to what 
can only be described as a crude compound of sorts.  Torch lights 
give the whole place an eerie glow.  There is a large central 
building, constructed of indigenous materials and two smaller 
structures, of the same, that look as though they are used for 
storage purposes.  Several shelter-like canopies are dispersed 
amongst the small tropical forest surrounding the compound, and 
it is apparent by the condition of these sites that most of the 
daily living on Mohona takes place out of doors.  There are mats, 
probably for sleeping and Yoga, with only thatched roofs to keep 
them dry in case of inclement weather.  Some have partial walls 
erected for privacy.  Primitive is the only way to describe it.  
Frighteningly so.

As we approach the main building we can hear voices inside... 
chanting.  Manu explains that Master Yidah is performing the Rite 
of the Naked Fire. 

"I read about this in one of the texts Swami Saraswati loaned me. 
 Tantric tradition observes the custom of keeping a sacred fire 
burning.  The lighting of the fire involves a ceremony, a 
chanting of Mantras as an invocation, and an oration, usually 
given by a Guru...  Once lit, the fire is regarded as sacred, the 
ashes are used to mark the body.  While the origin of the 
ceremony is lost to antiquity, it continues to be a custom 
observed by most sects of Tantric and Yoga traditions."  

"Yes," Manu agrees with me.  "It is a beautiful ceremony.  Master 
Yidah believes strongly in the power of group meditation."

We are not allowed to enter the building as the sacred rite has 
already begun, but Manu holds the door slightly ajar so that 
Mulder and I may observe the activities inside.  The first and 
most obvious observation is the state of complete undress of the 
entire group.  

Mulder leans close and whispers in my ear.  "Scully, what have 
you gotten us into?"

I throw him a look, but immediately return my attention to the 
ceremony.  Everyone is kneeling around a central fire pit, 
chanting a Mantra...'OM NAMAH SHIVAYA!  OM NAMAH SHIVAYA! OM 
NAMAH SHIVAYA!'

And then we get our first glimpse of what must be Master Yidah.  
Dressed in a ceremonial robe made of red silk, he is the only 
participant wearing any clothing.  As he approaches the center of 
the circle and the firelight illuminates him, I am taken aback by 
the beauty of this man.  He has a strong, commanding presence... 
tall, maybe 6'1", well built, roughly 195 pounds.  His hair is 
long and black and he wears it pulled back in a ponytail. He has 
well tanned skin and the most intriguing blue eyes I have ever 
seen, even from across the room they are mesmerizing.  In my 
estimate, I would approximate his age to be mid to late forties. 
He moves through the circle more gracefully than one would 
expect.

Standing in front of the fire, he begins the oration in a deep 
baritone voice that sends a chill through me the minute I hear 
him speak.

"One fire, One God, One World, One people;  Ignorance transforms 
the One into many," he says. 

"Homage and Salutations to the Naked Fire!" chant the followers 
in unison.

"As fire burns we destroy delusion and bondage, Leaving only the 
white ash of Liberation."

"Homage and Salutations to the Naked Fire!" they repeat again.

"In the Naked Fire the mind regenerated, Fit to attain the vision 
of Reality."

"Homage and Salutations to the Naked Fire!"  

This back and forth goes on for quite a while.  The Guru holding 
his hands alternately over the fire and up to the heavens, 
speaking the words of the oration and being responded to by the 
group.  It ends with a Mantra as before, and the marking of each 
participant's forehead with ashes from the edges of the fire.  I 
can feel Mulder's body growing tense behind me.  He is 
uncomfortable with this.  It actually reminds me of a more 
primeval version of the Masses I have attended all my life.  I 
would be uncomfortable with it too though, if I hadn't researched 
enough to know that they are not worshipping the fire, it is only 
a disciplined process of freeing the mind... a relaxation 
technique if you take it to extreme definition.  As the rite 
ends, the Tantrists wrap themselves in simple white cotton 
bathrobes, and file out of the hut, mostly in pairs.  Only five 
participants, all of them female, remain behind, and take up 
places around the Guru who has seated himself in a large wicker 
chair in one corner of the room.

Manu tells us that we may enter now.  I take Mulder's hand in 
mine, intertwining our fingers, feeling the need for his support 
as this has suddenly become very intimidating.  I am reminded of 
the feelings I experienced as a child whenever a bishop would 
visit our parish and everyone would address him as Your 
Excellency.  I was always very intimidated in the presence of 
these spiritual leaders.

We are introduced to the Guru by our guide.  "Master Yidah, I 
present to you your newest students, Fox and Dana.  They have 
just completed their indoctrination week, under the supervision 
of Swami Bharata Saraswati, and wish to seek your guidance in 
further Awakening their Chakras and gaining the means with which 
to hold onto the awareness of heightened consciousness."  He bows 
his head in respect and slowly fades into the background as 
Master Yidah looks Mulder and me over, his crystal blue eyes 
finally coming to rest, gazing into my own.

"I am Baet-mi Vishnu Yidah, Master of Tantra, Spiritual Guru of 
the Church of the Seven Chakras.  You may call me Master Yidah.  
Welcome Fox and Dana to the island of Mohona."  He stands and 
steps forward to meet us, extending a hand to touch each of us on 
the shoulder, but never once does his eyes stray from mine... or 
mine from his.  Yes, mesmerizing is definitely the right word to 
describe this man's eyes.  Not until I hear Mulder clear his 
throat, is the spell finally broken and I manage to tear myself 
away from his stare.

"You will both sleep here at the fire tonight, and in the morning 
Manu will see to it that you receive accommodations.  This is a 
spiritual place, as you will come to discover; we haven't the 
need for much in the way of material possessions or lavish 
comforts.  All your needs will be provided for during your stay 
with us of course."

On his words, an incredibly beautiful woman, wearing nothing more 
than the skimpiest sarong at her hips, steps out of a door at the 
back of the room.  She's carrying two robes for Mulder and me, 
and I can't help the twinge of jealousy I feel when Mulder gives 
her the once over... twice.

"This is the only clothing you will require during your training. 
 You should dress; and we will have tea before you retire for the 
evening.  The lovely Goddess Madhu will be happy to assist you." 

~~~~~~

I don't like this... I don't.  

Over the years I have learned to fly by the seat of my instincts 
because they are sound and practical, even if I'm not.  I don't 
think we should be here, though I agreed to it, agreed with 
Scully that not only do we need the expansion of Tantra for us, 
but also for the investigation.  Yes, we hit a dead end on Abaco, 
but we could have called it quits - could have gone back to DC 
and done more intense digging.  Undercover doesn't always work - 
I've been in a few unsuccessful ones, I know how they can go 
down.  Skinner knows too - and he would have understood.  

I just don't like this.  What we witnessed as we first approached 
the main compound, this Rite of the Naked Fire... it made me 
uncomfortable.  I am not sure why exactly, but I felt invaded; 
felt as if the chanting and the anointing of ash would brand me 
right where I stood.  It smacked of paganism in its most base 
form, and had less to do with religion as it had to do with 
magic.  I don't like this.

Scully is clearly affected by this Yidah joker; I can see it in 
her eyes.  Either the man exudes Tagara through his pores, or 
else he's a very talented mesmerizer.  I suspect both - Hell, I 
could feel it too.  Maybe to a lesser degree, it's true, but I 
feel it.  This is a very charismatic man, and I would have to be 
blind not to notice how a woman could react to him, drugs or not. 
 The drugs... I sure wish we could get around that one.  Scully 
can't handle the drugs; not that I do any better, but she is 
especially vulnerable.  

I ask myself: why are we really here?  How far removed is the 
true answer from the need to continue this investigation; rather 
than learn more about ourselves?  I ask myself how badly I want 
the Tantra in my life.  Do I need it?  No... but I want it, 
because Scully wants it.  I want it - but that doesn't mean I'm 
gonna be stupid about it.  I will expand my world; I will allow 
the growth; I will embrace the Tantra.

I will also protect my partner's back.

~~~~~~

Tea.  This doesn't taste like any tea I've ever had before.  Not 
even the weird herbal stuff Missy used to drink. I take another 
cautious sip and look at Mulder who seems to be having a similar 
reaction to this horrible bitter brew.  We don't want to be rude 
to Master Yidah, so we drink up despite its pungency.

It's quite a warm evening.  We sit beside the low burning sacred 
fire watching the gentle flames dancing upon the charred wood.  
The smoke curls above the blaze and wanders slowly towards the 
paneless windows... drifting out into the moonlit night... 
trailing up to the sky like an apparitious snake.  

Master Yidah reclines against pillows that have been placed 
around the ceremonial pyre, his harem of beauties gathered all 
around him, and speaks to us of the lessons of the Kama Sutra.  
His voice rumbles on and I hope that Mulder is listening because 
I have suddenly lost focus on what he is saying... but I can 
still hear him speaking.  Funny that I don't seem to be able to 
follow his words...  The smoke continues climbing skyward; and I 
think that if I tried I might be able to follow it up and see 
just how high it goes... up to the stars... up into space... 
up... up... floating above the world... looking down... so 
high... I'm so high... How did I get here?  Shouldn't follow 
smoke... bad idea... where there's smoke there's fire...mmm... 
fire is beautiful, warm and inviting... the flames call to me.  I 
want to touch them, hold them... how soft they must be... I want 
them to dance in my hands the way they sway and swirl across the 
wood.  I watch for a long time the shimmering incandescence, 
trying to decide how best to capture the mischievous embers and 
hold them in my hand.  That one.  That one is the slowest.  If I 
sneak up on it... very quietly... shhh!  Nobody talk.  
Soundlessly I creep on hands and knees toward the fire... being 
careful not to arouse suspicion in the burning light.  So 
close... just about there... I inch nearer, intending to pounce 
like a cat upon the helpless flame... NOW!

"Shit, Dana, what the fuck are you doing!"  I feel a strong pair 
of arms snag me around the middle just as I begin my assault.

"Let go, Let go... Damn it!"  I fight against the familiar 
embrace of my partner.  "I almost had it!  Almost caught the 
little sucker."

"What are you talking about?" Mulder asks, pulling me away from 
the heat and back to the comfort of our nest of pillows.

"I wanted to catch the fire," I tell him, as he cradles me in a 
protective hug.

"You mean you wanted to catch ON fire, don't you?  Because that's 
what you were about to do."  

Was I?  "And you saved me?"  My hero.  I catch his lips in mine 
and reward him with a kiss for his bravery and going above and 
beyond the call of duty.

~~~~~

This tea is making me nauseous. I try to be polite and drink the 
shit, but I just can't force it down.  When Master Yidah isn't 
looking I dribble the tea on the ground.  I have maybe had a 
total of three sips, and while I can feel a tiny buzz, I know 
Scully is stoned.  This is her second cup of the funky stuff, and 
her eyes are fully dilated, her mouth a little slack.  

Jesus, she just tried to crawl into the fire.  And she doesn't 
know what she did, or how close she came to getting herself 
burned alive... she doesn't know. It's gonna be a tense life on 
this island, if I have to keep on rescuing Scully.  Here I am, a 
nervous wreck, and she is lying in my arms now, decidedly 
amorous, kissing up and down my neck.  Oddly Yidah doesn't seem 
to think this is unusual behavior.  He is still rambling on about 
Kama Sutra, and his little gaggle of girls huddle around him and 
stare soulfully into his eyes.  I wonder how polite I will have 
to be, and get these people booted out so Scully and I can fall 
asleep.  It's bad enough we will have to inhale this sensuous 
shit all night long; by morning we'll severely under the 
influence, which I suspect is right about where Guru-man wants 
us.  

I want this time with Scully, I really do.  I want to explore, to 
experiment and to learn.  I find the Tantra consciousness very 
fascinating, not to mention downright mind-blowingly exciting.  
What we have been learning, by the lessons provided in the 
seminars and by our own study and experimentation... amazing.  
Addictive - and I don't want to stop; can't stop.  I want more. 
But I can't deny I don't trust this Baet-mi guy, certainly not as 
a personal guru and guide.  If our Tantric master was Swami 
Saraswati, I would not have a problem at all, I feel.  I mean, I 
poked fun at his name, but overall I liked him and I trusted him. 
 But this yokel - shit, I wouldn't be at all surprised to 
discover he's some Mafia-wannabe from the 'old country'.  As much 
as a part of me desires to just let go and jump into the Naked 
Fire, the largest percentage of me wants to find the nearest icy 
lake and plunge in head-first... and clear all this damn smoke 
from my brain.  But until I know for sure what's going on; until 
I have something to show, some proof - I have to play along.  I 
know Scully... she's a "Prove-it-to-Me" kind of woman.

Later in the evening - and apparently the great man realizes we 
need to sleep, because he swiftly gathers up his army and heads 
into another room of the building, wishing us blessed sleep as we 
are dozing off in front of him; impolite as all get-out, but I 
don't care.  Tired... so tired.  More Tagara in the air tonight? 
 At this moment I don't care.  I just want to sleep with my 
woman... and then I want answers.


~~~~~~


CHAPTER 13


This place is not at all what I expected.  Not that I really had 
much in the way of expectations... but I never imagined it would 
be like this.  I guess I thought it would be more of the same 
kind of thing we experienced on Abaco.  But Abaco was the lap of 
luxury compared to Mohona.  There's no electricity, no running 
water, the only communication with the outside world is a 
short-wave radio that, we've been told, students are strictly 
prohibited from accessing.  There's no means of transportation 
off this isle without radioing for it.  Our guide, Manu, was kind 
enough to answer all our questions this morning while he showed 
us to our 'accommodations.'  Home.  Not much more than a thickly 
woven mat with a thatched roof above it, but after last night, 
I'm just glad to be out of that hut.  I don't have a clear 
recollection of exactly what happened, but Mulder tells me I 
tried to throw myself into the fire.  Was it the tea, or that 
sickly sweet smelling smoke wafting from the flames?  Whatever it 
was, I was completely gone last night.  Thank God Mulder had his 
wits about him. 

After our mini tour of the island, Manu brings us to the dining 
room.  Well, what passes for a dining room in this place.  A long 
wooden table covered with fresh fruit and breads, located about 
five hundred yards from the camp in a tea house style building. 
It's the only other structure on the island besides the ones we 
saw when we arrived last night.  There is a propane stove at one 
end of the room and someone, thank God, has made coffee.  There 
is no ceremony to dining apparently.  Everyone seems to be 
helping themselves and sitting quietly in pairs upon the platform 
floor.  I grab a cup of coffee and wait for Mulder as he peruses 
over the selected offerings and finally decides upon a custard 
fruit and a blueberry muffin.  Both of us look around the room 
deciding where to sit.  There is little interaction amongst the 
group.  In fact, the room is strangely silent.  Mulder and I 
exchange wordless glances, then find a spot in one corner of the 
room where we can observe the others.

The coffee is strong but surprisingly good.  As I sip, I study 
our fellow Tantrists, getting a good look for the first time at 
the faces of the people who live on this remote isle, and realize 
immediately that our case has been solved.  I lean over and 
confirm this with my partner.  "Do you know who these people 
are?"

"Uh huh."  He nods but doesn't look happy.  "Guess we should get 
a full head count and report back to Skinner."

Despite the quick resolution of this case, I can't help but feel 
disappointed.  "I suppose so.  Though I was hoping we would get 
to spend some time learning from Master Yidah."

"I'm not sure that's really a good idea.  There's still a few 
things bothering me about all this.  And we're in a seriously 
vulnerable position if the situation should suddenly turn bad."

"Just a few days... for me?"

Reluctantly, he agrees.  Mulder is such a soft touch when it 
comes to doe eyes and a pouty lip.  And I'm not above using 
everything in my feminine arsenal to persuade him to give us a 
little more time here.  It may not be a Club Med, but when I look 
around and see how absorbed in each other these couples appear to 
be, I can't help but want to seek the same thing for Mulder and 
me, regardless of the lack of creature comforts this place 
affords.  Since we've allowed ourselves to become intimately 
involved, I am determined to do whatever can be done to assure a 
successful relationship.  And I really believe Tantra can help us 
in that regard.  It's helped us already.  We wouldn't even be 
together if it wasn't for what we experienced on Abaco.  And it's 
helped me.  I've never felt so free before.  So in touch with 
myself, and my desires.  After thirty-six years trying to be 
Daddy's good little sailor, trying to toe the mark despite the 
rebel hiding in my heart, I've finally jumped ship... Forgive me, 
Ahab, but it's time Starbuck discovered who she really is.

~~~~~~ 

Earlier this morning, when the morning mist still hung over the 
surf, I sat in the sand in the beach, and thought about the 
missing couples.  Five couples still missing; at least I think 
it's five.  I counted thirteen pairs at breakfast this morning; I 
am sure of the identity of at least ten of them.  I tried to 
approach one couple but they appeared horrified when I began to 
talk to them, and a few of the Guru's goons (sorry, mystical 
assistants) intercepted me before I could offer more than a 
'hello' - apparently during the more intensive training phases 
there is little or no interaction between couples.  I don't 
remember anyone mentioning that little fact... I was gently but 
firmly led away, out of the eating complex and back into the main 
hut where Scully was waiting, a puzzled look on her face.  She 
didn't say anything, just raised an eyebrow; I shrugged with a 
grin, and gave her a quick smacking kiss on the back of her neck, 
raising goosebumps and a sweet giggle.

Now the woman Madhu is tending the fire, a Mona Lisa smile on her 
face as she carefully stokes the glowing coals.  Our mats have 
been tidied and extra pillows laid out for our comfort, and a 
simple earthen pot and small mugs sit on a woven straw-grass 
tray.  More funky tea... great.  I eye it warily as I take my 
place next to Scully, and feel her twine her fingers through 
mine. 

Madhu has the fire burning now, but there's still a lot of smoke. 
 Tagara.  It smells the same as that night when we first fed each 
other, and touched with such utter abandonment.  Shit.  As long 
as the drug flows freely in the air, we are subject to its 
effects and the last thing we need is to lose our 
self-preservational wits.  But I can't see a way to avoid it, 
without arousing Master Yoda's suspicions.  Well, I will have to 
do my best... because as I sit next to Scully, holding her hand, 
I see her raise her face to the spiraling smoke, and breath 
deeply as it wisps over her way.  Hell, she's already stoned, and 
it's not even nine o'clock in the morning.  And now she spots the 
tea and breaks into a delighted smile, as she pours a cup and 
sips, under the approving eye of Madhu, who then gives me a look 
as if to say, 'Well - what are you waiting for?'  I look her up 
and down with a lopsided grin, and murmur, "No thanks, I'm trying 
to cut back."  

Madhu offers a light frown, and gestures with a graceful hand, 
pointing to the pot.  "But, yes, you must drink, Saiid... the tea 
is most important to your spiritual nourishment.  It is vital to 
your tantric instruction to be relaxed, and free of the worldly 
woes which can affect the Yin and Yang of Erosha."  Her perfect 
face now sports a perfect little crease right down the middle of 
her perfect forehead - and suddenly I could give a rat's ass.  
But somehow, I sense a possible ally here.  I don't know why - 
maybe there's something in her eyes, deep down where she used to 
reside as a normal girl with normal dreams, once upon a time.  
Whatever it is, I catch a tiny glimpse of it, when I reply gently 
to her politely-veiled order.

"I don't think so, Madhu, thanks just the same.  The tea 
disagrees with my... territorial awareness..."  I nod my head in 
 Scully's direction, then my eyes flicker to the open doorway 
leading into the other room, where our Guru slept last night - 
and I see an answering light of comprehension in Madhu's eyes.  I 
see a tiny nod, and her soft, "As you wish, Saiid", tells me she 
understands.  And I breathe one shallow sigh of relief, careful 
not to suck in any air in the vicinity of the smoke... and sink 
down deeper into the pillows, and cradle Scully close to me.  
Close... cherished.  I cherish her - and I am not gonna let 
anything happen to her.  We sit, and wait for the Guru Master 
Baet-mi to appear, to begin our first series of lessons.  


~~~~~~


"...All these practices, if lightly performed, arouse desire and 
provoke sighs, which are born of pleasure caused by pain, 
especially when they take place in those parts of the body that 
are not very accessible... the most sensitive and excitable 
receptors of the sexual self."

Oh God... The voice of Master Yidah is the first thing I'm 
cognizant of, even before my eyes are opened, his deep voice 
penetrates the dark cocoon of intoxication that has enveloped me. 

"...More than just accepted, Fox.  It is encouraged.  In 
moderation, to excite and titillate, to open the Chakras.  Along 
with oral congress, these methods are quite successful in the 
Awakening process."

"Mmmm..." Finding myself cradled in Mulder's arms, my face buried 
against the warm skin of his neck, I can't help a purr of 
contentment.  I breathe in the familiar scent of his body, and 
fight my way out of the Tagara haze inside my head. 

"Speaking of awakening.  Morning again, Sunshine.  Or should I 
say afternoon?"

"I'm sorry," I yawn.  "Oh... boy, I must have dozed off."

"I think your little jaunt on the beach tired you out."

For a moment I can't remember, and then slowly, vague images, 
like distant memories, collect themselves in my thoughts.  The 
ocean... me running... Mulder chasing me.  Oh, God.  Me running 
naked on the beach... Oh, dear God!  I thought I was the wind.  I 
know that I'm literally blushing from head to toe because I can 
feel the heat washing over me.

"Dana, my child, you should not be troubled by your actions.  A 
state of transcendent consciousness is a part of the process of 
self discovery, allowing your passions to have free reign is how 
one attains the ecstasy of the inner being, and through this the 
Chakras blossom, the petals unfold, the secrets of the universe 
are revealed."

I nod at Master Yidah's lesson, but I'm still mortified by my 
shameful lack of modesty, and complete loss of inhibition.  And I 
note that Mulder has been using his body to shield me from any 
more of the intoxicating smoke of the ritual fire.  I feel guilty 
that he has to look after me, but grateful that I know I can 
count on him to protect me even from myself when the occasion 
arises.  

"I feel I must apologize, Master Yidah.  The Tagara... it affects 
me to the extreme."

"That means you are a good candidate for Aushadhi, the herbal 
Awakening.  We can explore this in future lessons, Dana."

Mulder's grip tightens a little at my waist.  I don't know what 
he fears in this man.  Master Yidah's blue eyes hold nothing but 
gentle peace as I look in them now, and he offers me a warm 
smile.  He's very disarming.  And I find myself caught up in his 
presence whenever he is near.  I don't know how much of it's due 
to mere physical attraction, the Guru is definitely handsome, but 
there's something else, something captivating about him, 
something almost entrancing.

~~~~~~


Aushadhi, my ass... not if I have anything to do about it.  We've 
only been here two days, and I am becoming more and more worried 
about Scully.  It was bad enough yesterday, when she tried to 
climb into the fire.  I have never been more frightened, when I 
looked up and saw her crawling on her hands and knees toward the 
flames as if they were a litter of playful kittens and she had 
the only ball of yarn.  I yanked her back mere inches from the 
licking flames - and broke out into the worst kind of panicked 
sweat, when I realized just how few inches it really was.  

This morning, however... Jesus.  If I'd stayed inside the hut one 
more minute, Scully would not be alive right now - of that I 
remain convinced.  

I should have known  - should have just followed her.  We'd gone 
into the main hut to prepare for our first session with Guru 
Yoda, finding the customary Tagara wafting across our noses and 
the ever-present tea.  I refused to drink it, but Scully had two 
cups of the greenish shit.  Not only that, she breathed in the 
Tagara like no tomorrow.  In the ten minutes it took for Yoda to 
appear, she had become so overwhelmingly wasted, so quickly... 
and at first I humored her, amused by her antics.  She had 
dropped her robe with a slightly shaky hand, and had begun to 
slink on her hands and knees toward me.  Thank God this time, she 
skirted around the fire instead of traipsing through it.  She 
came to me with a look which I can only describe as smoldering - 
 eyes half-shielded by her thick lashes, blackly dilated; cheeks 
so hotly flushed and lips wearing a half-smile of pure lust.  

I couldn't move, could barely breathe, as she got closer, and 
closer. .. and just as she got within reach, even as I grabbed 
hold of her, feeling how hot her skin had become - she suddenly 
laughed aloud, and slithered out of my grip, murmuring 
breathlessly, "Swimming... let's go swimming, Mulder - I want to 
fuck you, in the ocean..."  Then she was up on her feet and 
running out of the hut and down the beach, naked and wild and 
free... too free.  I sat there for a few minutes, still bemused 
by her abruptly bizarre behavior - until I remembered what 
happens to inebriated and incapacitated people who try to tackle 
swimming.  I was up on my feet and running after her, yelling her 
name... just in time to see her run straight into the surf, and 
disappear under a rolling breaker.  

My heart pounding in indescribable panic, I ran as hard as I 
could, managing to reach her before she could go under a second 
time.  I dragged her clear of the crashing surf and threw her 
over my shoulder, struggling up out of the wet, sucking sand and 
carrying her back to the main hut.  She giggled against my 
shoulder, all the way back - and after I had taken her back to 
the fire and had dried her off with her robe and she began to 
shudder with reaction; after she started crying and hiccuping in 
my arms -I rocked her and murmured to her softly; until, finally 
calming and then almost as if a light had been extinguished - she 
dozed off against my damp chest, about one minute before Guru 
Yoda made his grand appearance.  Amazingly, he didn't seem very 
perturbed by the little incident, even after I politely but 
firmly asked him what the hell he'd been thinking of, to combine 
Tagara with that damn tea.  Of course, the Guru only smiled 
benignly and apologized for unconsciously overdoing the 
atmosphere, not knowing (of course) that Scully was so 
susceptible.   

Right.

Now Scully curls herself within my embrace, so trustingly; 
trusting in me to help her; to keep her from becoming so affected 
by whatever these stupid herbs do to her; natural or not they are 
still potentially-dangerous drugs.  What worries me the most is 
her decreasing concern, every time she comes into contact with 
one of them.  I see her willingness to experiment, to inhale and 
imbue, a little bit more each day... and it's scaring the shit 
out of me.  It's also becoming increasingly difficult for me to 
stay out of the path of the shit, without raising undue 
suspicion.  I mean, I can only depend upon Madhu to cover for me 
as long as it doesn't endanger her position here on the island.  
I would like to find out more about her position, as well - I 
know she is the great Yoda's mate, but I wonder just how much she 
may know, how much she gets to observe beyond having to watch the 
man she loves interact with a harem of lovely women.  Maybe I'll 
find a way to speak to her, later on.

And I am pissed off at myself, for feeling hurt - actually hurt, 
at my logical and irrefutable conclusion that Swami Saraswati had 
to be in on this whole mess from the very beginning - he threw up 
quite an impressive smoke screen on Abaco.  He had me fooled - I 
was feeling sorry for the man, wondering how he'd handle his 
little Tantric world coming down around his ears when he 
discovered the truth about the couples' disappearance.  Now, a 
logical and sane voice yells at me to get real, and accept the 
Swami's implication in this scam.  How could he not be involved? 
 He's one of the Guru's most trusted disciples; Yoda-man told us 
that himself.  Shit.

So, in the meantime I have to figure a way to achieve some sort 
of balance - keep myself clear, try to keep Scully as clear as I 
can as well - and keep Guru Master Baet-mi (the name never ceases 
to make me want to hurl) from suspecting that we are anything 
other than what we appear to be - and what we have actually 
become.

And, I swear- if he endangers her in any way with those damn 
drugs... I am going to make sure he regrets ever draping himself 
in goofy robes and baggy diapers, and calling himself a god.

~~~~~~

CHAPTER 14


After Scully's beach adventure neither of us feels much like a 
lesson; and even though I'm sure the Guru thinks I am 
overreacting, he agrees to let us have the rest of the day to 
ourselves, instructing us to meet him at the main hut in the 
morning to begin in earnest.  Scully's protests being 
non-existent, we leave his "exalted" presence and return to our 
small hut.  By now Scully is dry and warm, and still 
embarrassed... and a little shaky at what just happened to her.  
I sit on our bed-mat with her on my lap, and try to explain what 
happened.

"Scully, you had a major buzz off that damn green tea shit, not 
to mention the Tagara... again.  Jesus, you had your nose 
straight up in the air, inhaling like crazy!  And it took you all 
of seven minutes to become stoked, rip off your robe and take off 
running down the beach, calling to me to come fuck you in the 
surf.  Now I appreciate the offer, believe me -"  I pause and 
give her a series of sweet kisses up and down her neck, enjoying 
her salty skin - " but under safer circumstances!  You had so 
much shit in your system that your capacity for swimming in a 
strong surf would have been non-existent!  Hell, MY capacity 
would have been worthless as well - the surf in this side of the 
island is powerful."  I push her away a little, enough to be able 
to stare into her now worried blue eyes.  I want her to 
understand, past the lingering fog in her brain, just how 
dangerous this is.

"Please, Scully... you have to help me a little.  What if I can't 
be with you in a situation where you soak in that crap, and 
you're alone?  What if we find we can't trust the Guru Yoda, at 
all!  I've already decided I can't trust the little hedonist any 
further than I can toss him - and we are in the middle of an 
investigation, regardless of our new relationship, in spite of 
our need and desire to embrace the Tantra way of life.  You know 
the Guru has to be involved in the disappearance of those 
couples... I counted ten people missing, and then when I really 
got to thinking about it, I realized I had already found five of 
them.  Those women, Scully -"  Her head, resting on my shoulder, 
jerks up at the mention of the women, and she gives me a narrowed 
stare.

"What women, Mulder?  The ones which comprise the Guru's harem?  
Are you trying to tell me those women are the other half of the 
missing couples?  I don't believe that - where are their mates?  
If they were married or committed to a relationship, they'd be 
here with their mates.  You have to be mistaken..."  I'm shaking 
my head vigorously even before she finishes speaking.

"No, Scully.  I may not have my laptop, but I'm NOT mistaken.  I 
remember most of the faces.  I've seen those women before.  Maybe 
my mind has been somewhat fuddled by the damn smoke, and maybe 
I've only seen their faces in partial shadow - but I'm telling 
you, they ARE the missing women.  And we're going to find out 
what happened to their men.  We have a free day - and Manu told 
us we can explore the island as we choose.  I say we choose to 
explore a little, get the smell of that Tagara out of our heads, 
and maybe go play.  Manu mentioned a lagoon - whatcha say, Agent 
Baby?  Wanna go play in the lagoon?"  I'm desperate to get us 
into some kind of normalcy - well, as normal as we can be, 
sitting on a grass mat in the middle of an uncharted island 
wearing bathrobes and eating papaya while a Guru, of some sort, 
plots the course of our love life... Jesus, help us do the right 
thing...  I'm brought out of my little dip in despair by Scully, 
who sighs against my shoulder, and then reaches up a soft mouth 
to kiss me, and whisper in my ear.

"OK, Mulder, you win.  Let's play hooky."  I give her a huge 
squeeze, before rising and pulling her up beside me.

"Last one in has to be a 'slave for a day'..."  She snorts at 
this inane remark, grabbing at my hand and tugging me outside in 
the bright sun.

"Mulder, I'm already there - trust me."


~~~~~~
  
Mulder just can't resist playing G-Man, even though it's obvious 
this case is no case at all.  He's still puzzling over trying to 
ID each of the other couples.  Of course, without his laptop, 
that's virtually impossible... especially as we are not permitted 
free visitation with the other students.  Manu politely explained 
that to us only after Mulder violated the rule and caused quite a 
commotion the other day.  But now he's ever more determined to 
prove his theory that all is not well here on Mohana.  'It's the 
math, Scully, it doesn't add up.' That's what he keeps telling 
me.  And he's relentless about pursuing the point.  He's also 
troubled by the fact that Swami Saraswati apparently lied to the 
authorities when they asked him if he knew the whereabouts of the 
missing couples.  I tried to tell him that the man was probably 
just attempting to protect the privacy of the members of his 
church... God knows he has good cause to fear when you consider 
our government's heavy hand where religious cults are concerned. 
 Not that I'm defending his failure to cooperate in a criminal 
investigation.  He was wrong to do that.  I just think it's easy 
to understand why he may have felt it necessary to lie.  As 
usual, Mulder will not accept the simplest explanation.  I'll 
have no peace, or be able to convince him to trust Master Yidah, 
until he sees that everyone is accounted for.  So tonight I've 
agreed to put aside my studies and humor my partner.  We're going 
to poke around and see if we can find any sort of record keeping 
that would indicate who all these people are.

Waiting until everyone appears to be soundly asleep for the 
night, Mulder and I quietly slip out of our bed... mat... 
whatever... and sneak over to the main hut.  We're assuming that 
the tiny room we saw when we first arrived which contains the 
radio equipment, might be an office of sorts and possibly house 
files on the church membership.  I feel very uneasy about doing 
this.  I don't want to offend Master Yidah should we be 
discovered snooping around.  Unfortunately, Mulder was determined 
to go through with it whether I went along or not, and it IS my 
job to watch his back and keep him out of trouble.  So here we 
are, tiptoeing around in the darkness outside the main hut... 

As we approach, we hear sounds coming from inside. The door is 
slightly ajar and we're able to see into the main room as we did 
when we watched the fire rite the day of our arrival.  Oh my God! 
 My first reaction is to quickly move away, but Mulder is right 
behind me, trapping me where I stand.  And the longer I watch 
what's happening inside the hut, the less inclined I am to want 
to get away.

Master Yidah and his consorts are doing their own version of the 
naked pretzel.  In the glowing light of the fire, one man and 
five women perform the Tantric act of Samghataka, group sex, the 
bull and his herd.  My cheeks flush hot as I watch Master Yidah 
penetrating one woman while he fulfills another with 
Auparishtaka, the act of cunnilingus; and the other women 
alternately kiss and lick him, running their hands in worship 
over his stunningly muscular body.  They are not shy with each 
other either.  With complete abandon they give and take one to 
the next, hedonism in its purest form.  It's quite an erotic 
sight to behold... very arousing.  

"Holy shit," Mulder mutters against my ear.  And I can tell by 
the hardness suddenly pressing into my back that Mulder is as 
affected by this display as I am.  

"We should go," I whisper over my shoulder to him, unable to tear 
my eyes from the goings-on in the Tagara haze.  Leaning back 
against him, I attempt to encourage Mulder away, but he wraps 
both his arms around my middle and holds me firmly in place.  One 
of the women inside cries out, overcome with an orgasm; and I 
gasp as Mulder's hand slips inside my robe to fondle my breasts. 
 Captive and captivated, I find myself lost in the sensuality of 
voyeurism... watching as Master Yidah pleasures each woman in 
turn, watching their oiled and tropical tanned bodies sliding 
over one another in a tangle of heated passion, watching the 
powerful way in which the Guru conquers each... all the while 
Mulder's hand continues to knead my breasts, his fingers rolling 
and pinching my hardened nipples until I swear I'm about to come.

I reach back and take his cock in my hand, slowly running my 
thumb up and down along the length of his shaft.  He groans 
softly and buries his face in my neck, nibbling, nipping, 
kissing... but always continuing to watch the rapturous scene 
before us.  Mulder's other hand soon finds its way beneath my 
robe and wanders down in between my legs, cupping and gently 
massaging the curly mound of damp heat he finds there, causing me 
to squirm and shudder against him.  We shouldn't be here.  We 
shouldn't be doing this.  But there's no way in hell I'm going to 
stop us now.


~~~~~~

Jesus... I'm on fire.  I can't stop, can't move, am almost afraid 
to breathe.  The display of Naked Fire Ritual we watched last 
night is innocence personified, compared to what Scully and I are 
seeing at the moment.  True, we stumbled upon the sight purely by 
chance... true, we should not be lingering here, watching.  

Just as true that I can't, won't stop - not as long as I am 
buried in Scully, so deep the place where my fingers are curling, 
so slick and deep.  She presses into me, her little bottom 
sliding on the silk of her robe; the slippery friction compounded 
by the feel of her hand tugging and stroking at me.  Driving me 
mad... pulling at me, at the fine edge of control, of sanity I 
hang onto, as we stare unblinkingly into the scene unfolding 
before our stunned eyes.

We never meant to actually go back into the main section of the 
hut at this late hour - I knew the Guru sleeps with his 
assistants watching over him. That first night I had awoken very 
early in the morning, before sunrise; had opened my eyes and 
gazed groggily into the face of one of the assistants standing in 
front of the makeshift door to the Guru's private domain.  He had 
inclined his head in polite deference, and then continued to 
stare out into the shadowed room, focused on nothing in 
particular.  I'd shrugged and gone back to sleep.  So the Guru 
needs his goons to sleep safely at night... whatever tickles his 
turban.

We just wanted to check out the tiny room which we suspect holds 
the records, and radio - accessible from the outside without 
having to disturb the main rooms, we figured it was an easy go.  
We never expected the fire room to be occupied... and we never 
expected quite this level of occupation.  We were caught in its 
lure same as a deer gets caught in the headlights of a Mack 
truck:  dazed, shocked, immovable, and doomed.

Yes, we are doomed, so... we watch.  Watch as Guru Superstud 
Yidah slithers his way over his five slave-women; his five 
captive slave-women - trapped in the haze of Tagara and probably 
high as kites on tea as well, I concede they have no choice in 
the matter.  A humming sound, coming from a shadowed corner of 
the room; I squint hard, and am able to make out the form of 
Madhu, sitting in a lotus position in the corner, head bowed and 
hands in an attitude of prayer, humming some sort of chant.  I 
stare at her just long enough to see her raise her head, maybe 
some prickling of awareness in her consciousness has alerted her 
to our presence; but she doesn't move, save raising her head and 
staring into the fire, long enough for me to see the glisten of 
tears tracking down her cheeks.  And a tiny section of my 
still-functioning brain tells me to find a way to talk to her, 
very soon - even as the blitzed majority of cranium cells scream 
at me to pay attention to the show.

The show... God help us.  Five women, pleasuring the Guru in ways 
I have never even read about... he has moved to stand in front of 
a woman on her knees, hands fisted in her hair as she engulfs him 
in her mouth and begins the ritual of Auparishtaka, or fellatio. 
 I have never seen it performed in quite this way, however - even 
from this short distance I can see that she has somehow managed 
to swallow not only his entire cock, but his balls as well.  The 
length of him, deep in her throat and his balls rolling around 
the inside of her cheeks...  I'm panting, I can hear myself - and 
Scully grips me harder, now pumping her hand upon me with 
increased speed.  I want to prolong this forever; want to see 
everything, feel everything - so I gently remove her hand from my 
cock and twine my fingers with hers, bringing our joined hands to 
her dripping center, and slip one of her fingers and one of mine 
inside her.  She sucks in a shocked breath, as she adjusts to 
having her fingers buried alongside of mine... and she melts back 
against me as we watch, and caress her clit in perfect matched 
rhythm.   

Now the Guru, still being pleasured by the Amazing Deep Throat 
woman, is joined by another of the women; in her hands she holds 
a double-headed dildo.  I have seen these before, although I will 
never admit it to Scully; this one is long and wickedly-curved, 
glistening on one end with oil of some kind.  She approaches 
Stud-boy from behind with the oiled end towards him, and presses 
it up against his cheeks, murmuring a chant over and over; he 
takes a small step to the side to open his stance a bit as she 
slides the appendage home.  Once it's in place, she raises 
herself up on her toes, wraps her arms about his shoulders as if 
she's going for a piggy-back ride... and the other end of the 
dildo slips into her.  And as she begins to wriggle against him, 
hung there upon his back, I hear Scully  whimpering, "Oh, Jesus, 
Mulder...", as both Guru and slave push and thrust; as his hands 
tighten in the hair of the woman going way down on him, and as 
the other three women form a triangle of seeking hands and mouths 
and bodies, all around his feet.  

He's still standing... but Scully and I have slid to the floor 
outside the doorway; both of us struggling to maintain intimate 
contact without screaming like banshees into the air above us.  
On our knees, still watching... my cock pressed against her sweet 
cheeks and an arm braced on the floor.  Without conscious 
thought, I find myself in one of my favorite positions - yes, I 
am a dominant oink when it comes to sex, but I can't help that, 
any more than I can help the hard shudder which overtakes me as I 
suddenly position myself behind Scully, bend her forward until 
her forehead almost kisses the floor... and then plunge the 
largest, hardest and most throbbing boner of my entire life, deep 
into her; my ramming thrust forcing a huge gasping breath from 
her throat as her head jerks up against my shoulder, neck arched. 
 She braces her free hand against the floor, somehow managing to 
keep her balance contained, as well as the scream which I know 
has to be bubbling up in her lungs - but she doesn't stop 
pressing back into me, trying to take in more of me. She feels so 
fucking amazing, in this position - I can thrust hard without 
fear of hurting her for she is absolutely dripping, over both our 
hands which are still playing with frenzied glee over the tight 
bud of her clit.

With the tiny section of my brain which isn't on major sensory 
overload, I wonder if she's still watching.  I want her to watch, 
to take it all in just as she takes all of me inside.  I want her 
to feel what those women must be feeling, coiled around and 
through each other, as they lay in a heap of slick flesh all 
around their master.  

I can tell she hasn't been taken in this position very much, if 
at all; her movements are unschooled and erratic, which only 
feeds my excitement all the more - because I know I am one of the 
first to take her like this.  And as we push at each other, back 
and forth, as I butt my face into her neck and gasp every shudder 
into her skin, she starts to moan - and I have to shut her up in 
a hurry.   I don't want the Guru to know what's going on just a 
few yards from his little orgy - I don't want to share.  So I 
press my face tight against her ear, and growl into her as I push 
myself even deeper, as deep as I can go.

"Better be quiet, Scully.  You don't want them to hear us, do 
you?  Never know how they may react... Jesus, right there, don't 
move... I can imagine what they might do, Mmmm... can you?  They 
might force us to join them... Ohh, shit, hold still... Tangled 
up with all those hot, oiled bodies, hands, tongues, all over 
you..."  She's whimpering, raw and low in her throat, as I 
continue to paint the images and brand both of us with them.  I 
speed up the force of my thrusts as I continue.

"No, Scully, keep your mouth shut... or else Guru Yodel will find 
something to stuff it with - and I don't wanna share you, baby, I 
don't... Don't turn away!" - for she's trying to duck her head, 
moaning almost constantly under her breath, as I force her to 
watch, force her to touch and rub at herself while I plunder her, 
an unseen force behind her while the display before her dances in 
our eyes like some wet-dream ballet.  I don't let up on her; I 
can feel how close she is, how close we both are, and I want her 
to come her brains out, as I know I'm going to do - soon, so 
soon.

"Keep watching, baby, look at him, with those women - he doesn't 
mess around when he fucks a woman.  What if he forces me to share 
you - what if he makes me take you while he's got that pretty 
mouth of yours all busied up... could you imagine it, baby?  Both 
of us, inside you, filling you..."  And with those words, I let 
go of her hand, still pressed into her clit, and grasp her hips 
with hard fingers as I pull her sharply up, into my exploding 
cock; she hitches a sobbing breath into the air, gearing up to be 
the granddaddy of all come-screams... I manage to muffle her with 
a hand against her mouth... Jesus, so good... such a turn-on, to 
know I have to forcefully gag her -

And I have a feeling the Guru knows just what's going on outside 
his door; have a feeling he set us up... then I can't spare one 
extra blood cell to think of anything else besides the fact that 
I am coming that geyser I often dream about. 

~~~~~~

CHAPTER 15


I have no idea what time it is, but there is not yet even a hint 
of dawn on the horizon and the moon is hidden behind clouds, 
making for a pitch dark night as I awaken in Mulder's embrace, on 
the grass mat of our island shelter.  He's wrapped around me, my 
head pillowed on his arm, in a wonderful bearhug of protection 
and love.  This man who has delivered me from my life of denial, 
from a lonely prescribed existence of failed obedience and 
ambitious   pretense.  Mulder released me from my self-imposed 
hell, taught me to trust myself, to accept the most extreme 
possibility of all... that I could stop running away from who I 
really am without fear of judgment or rejection.  I've shown him 
who I am, the real me hidden beneath the practiced, polished, 
disciplined conformity, and... he loves me.  Such a wonder.  To 
think that for years I sought to be what I thought he wanted me 
to be, only to discover that who I am... really am, is what he's 
been looking for all along. 

My hidden desires can now be expressed and fulfilled.  I feel as 
though my life has finally just begun.  And what a wonderful 
beginning, cradled in the arms of the man who has given me this 
life, this rebirth.

The shocking performance we witnessed in the Guru's hut tonight 
would have sent the old Dana Scully running for cover, hiding 
behind a mask of no nonsense propriety and feigned composure... 
denying even to herself the arousal she felt at seeing that kind 
of wanton sexual display.  She would have fled from herself just 
as quickly as she fled from the scene, refusing to admit that it 
touched her in ways that provoked her own forbidden fantasies.  
She would never have allowed herself the indulgence of watching, 
let alone the outrageous behavior of giving in to her passions 
and letting her partner fuck the living daylights out of her 
right then and there.

It was incredible.  So completely spontaneous and reckless, 
submitting to our basest instinctual behaviors, letting ourselves 
be guided by lust and ruled by the heat of the moment.  Mulder's 
aggressiveness once again had me aroused beyond sanity.  When he 
bent me forward and pierced me with that rod of hot iron... God! 
 I've never trusted another man enough to let him take me that 
way.  To allow myself to be put into a position of vulnerability, 
where I could not see the face of the man taking me.  

The men I've been with in the past, the experiences I've had, 
they were all quite boring and normal.  Jack wasn't the first but 
he was the most significant.  He wasn't much of a lover.  He was 
too self-absorbed, he never attempted to get to know me and my 
needs.  Or maybe I wouldn't let him know me.  That's not what we 
were about, Jack and I.  He would have been shocked if he saw the 
way I behaved tonight, stunned that Mulder's menacing words would 
incite me to such a state of frenzied eroticism.  Jack would 
never have approved of my hidden need for dominance.  Or any of 
my dark fantasies that Mulder so graciously indulges.  That's why 
I chose him.  He was the man I was supposed to want, the 
achiever, the straight-laced do-gooder, the man my father would 
have accepted as a suitable husband for his over-achiever 
daughter, the man all of my friends expected me to marry.  

We dated for close to six months before we even did it.  God, it 
was awful.  I'd fake it for him, and I hated myself for not 
having the courage to tell him that in our entire fifteen month 
relationship I never once had an orgasm.  Until that night, when 
I just couldn't take it anymore.  Our sex had become routine, 
every Friday and Saturday night, never during the work week, 
never anywhere but in the dark of his bedroom or mine.  I could 
watch the clock, and I did, always the same, seven minutes... and 
right on cue I would moan, put on a little performance that led 
him to believe I had climaxed, and that would push him over the 
edge and the whole miserable thing would be done with.  But one 
night I couldn't play the game anymore.  He got really frustrated 
and blamed me for not trying hard enough, said some very hurtful 
things to me.  So I told him the truth.  He called me frigid.  I 
wonder if Mulder knows where the nickname Ice Queen really came 
from?  Jack was kind enough to spread nasty rumors after our 
break up.  And I forgave him because I knew I'd bruised his ego 
and, at the time, I wasn't entirely sure that the things he was 
saying about me, while cruel, were necessarily untrue.

I dated a little, after Jack, mostly before I met Mulder.  There 
was one or two that I gave in and slept with... and I did have 
orgasms; I found I was capable when the man was motivated.  But 
none of those men could do to me what Mulder does.  None of them 
could bring me to the point of screaming ecstasy.  Just thinking 
of what he does to me has me suddenly wet and needing him again. 
 I shift a little in his arms and he mumbles something in his 
sleep.  Careful not to wake him, I slip my hand beneath his robe 
and find the rigid length of his erection waiting for me.  Can't 
help but smile at my good fortune.  He must be dreaming, maybe 
revisiting the scene in Master Yidah's hut.    

~~~~~~

Early morning on the beach - and I am sore and tired and so, so 
alive.  I stand at the edge of our shelter, taking in the 
mistiness of the sunrise and the sure knowledge that whatever 
else happens to Scully and me, we have had this time together.  
Behind me on our bed-mat Scully sleeps like one of the dead, a 
delicate sprawl of rosy skin and golden freckles and flaming 
hair.  She woke me in the middle of the night; really surprised 
me since I didn't think she'd had anything left.  Boy, was I 
wrong...  I awoke in the inky darkness with Scully sitting on my 
cock like such a proper little lady... and I was buried to the 
hilt.  In the thick black she was invisible; I could only feel 
her, tight and hot all around me; could smell her and taste her 
as she rode me as easily as a child rides a rocking horse, soft 
and slow and sexy as hell.  Her fingers tangled themselves in our 
combined hair as she moved; one hand toying with my balls while 
the other frolicked along her reddish curls.  Damn... what a way 
to wake up!

Recalling the endless, slow-burn orgasm she had just a few hours 
ago - I let her sleep, knowing she will need all the rest she can 
get; besides, as I spot a lone figure sitting on the sand, in 
graceful meditation... I know here is my chance to finally speak 
to Madhu, before anyone else is up and around - and interfering. 
 Tossing a quick glance to the seemingly deserted main hut, I 
trot down to the beach, prepared to get those answers one way or 
another.

"Good morning, Madhu - did you sleep well?"  Oh, shit - what a 
thing to say!  Of course she didn't, you asshole - she probably 
slept alone all night long, crying into one of those damn grass 
mats that we all try to convince ourselves are really not all 
that uncomfortable.  After what she'd had to endure, last night - 
I can only imagine what she must be feeling, must feel every time 
her jerkwad Guru Masterbaetmi pulls an orgy on her. 

But Madhu has a smile to spare for me, as I sit in the sand next 
to her; eyes smiling as well, despite the dark circles beneath 
them.  A little pale, cold hands, slight tremble of the bottom 
lip.  This morning she has her sarong wrapped at breast level 
instead of its customary placement at her waist.  I can't help 
but wonder if it's an unconscious plea for control, over some 
tiny slice of her non-existent life.

"Saiid Hale... Good morning to you.  Are you finding the 
fulfillment for which you have been searching, here on Mohona?  I 
sincerely hope you have..."  Madhu smiles at me, affording me a 
sweet glimpse of the beauty we saw that first day we arrived.  
She breaks my gaze, and her eyes seek the pounding morning surf, 
slender fingers worrying the fringed hem of her sarong - until I 
reach out one hand and still their erratic movements.  I clasp 
her cold fingers, and she lets me hold them, but won't turn to 
meet my curious gaze.  I get the odd feeling that if I am allowed 
to really look, deep into her eyes... I'll see a very old, very 
defeated woman, looking back at me, although this woman is 
younger than me; younger than Scully.

"Madhu," I say her name softly, non-threateningly, just loud 
enough to get her attention.  She sighs and turns from her 
contemplation of the aqua water, and her eyes finally meet mine - 
and the weariness I see there pulls at me.  "Madhu, leave him... 
just go.  Get off this island and find a life for yourself; a 
life you deserve.  Please, before it's too late and you find 
yourself too dependent upon him..." Her sad smile halts my rushed 
plea, and she squeezes my hand once before she tugs hers free.

"I have no place to go, Saiid, and no one to go to.  My family 
are all dead; I was an orphan, living in Pakistan, when the 
Master found me.  He saved me from a life of starvation, a life 
on the streets... I owe him much.  I embraced his religion, his 
way of life, as a debt of gratitude for giving me back my life." 
 She rests her little chin on her bent knees, and stares out once 
more at the boiling surf, longingly.  I get the distinct feeling 
that at the moment she'd like nothing better than to toss herself 
on those rolling waves, and end it all.  The feeling is so strong 
that I actually grab at her arm; she emits one short, bitter 
tinkling laugh, and gently pulls her arm free.  "Saiid... I 
promise you I would not do away with myself; I am not that brave. 
 If I were a brave person I would have left this life, though you 
will never hear me admit it again."

"But, let me ask you something - why do you and your lady stay, 
when it is apparent to me that you do not wish to be here?  I 
believe you are sincere in your desire to embrace the Tantric 
dynamic... as sincere as your wish for the teacher of your souls 
to be anyone except my husband."  My rueful smile slips out 
before I can control my shocked reaction to her words - and I 
know she's spotted the surprise as well.  Her next words confirm 
it.

"Oh, I know... I know what you think.  And I also know you are 
worried about your lovely wife.  And I will tell you this, though 
I will deny it should the words ever return to haunt me - you 
have reason to worry.  The master my husband has never possessed 
a woman with red hair; it has been a fantasy of his, to have such 
as she in his harem.  I am not a blind woman, nor am I stupid.  
Foolish, yes - because I stay.  But stupid?  Oh, no."  With those 
words, she rises to her feet, as graceful as a swan; holds out 
her hand to me and presses her palm to mine, before touching her 
forehead, and then her breast, with two fingers.  But before she 
can turn to leave, I spring to my feet and grab at her hand; tug 
on it sharply.  She turns to face me, and suddenly we are 
standing very close, almost nose to nose, and I speak in urgent 
whispers to her, my eyes never leaving her face.

 "Madhu... come with us when we leave.  I have to get Dana off 
this island before anything... disturbing... can happen to her.  
Please, Madhu!  Come with us...  You can have a normal life; we 
can help you.  Please!  Think about it - we need your help, and I 
believe you need ours.  Will you just think about it?"  Madhu's 
shoulders, stiffened at first, have gradually softened as I speak 
to her, plead with her.  Until she softens completely, and taking 
one step forward she leans in to press her soft cheek against 
both of mine, in a gesture as European as it is sweet, and a 
little sad.   As she turns away toward the surf, her reply drifts 
back to me.

"I will think about it, Saiid - I promise you I will think about 
it."

~~~~~

When I awoke this morning I was alone.  I thought that perhaps 
Mulder had decided to go for a run on the beach, or maybe a swim 
in the lagoon, but I didn't have to search very far or very long 
before I saw him, sitting there with Madhu on the beach... 
holding hands.  I tried not to let my petty jealousies get the 
better of me, but then she stood to leave and he pulled her 
back... pulled her so close to him that their bodies were 
practically touching... and she kissed him on the cheek, on both 
cheeks.  That was enough for me.  

Old habits die hard, I suppose.  Running away, denying my 
feelings, burying my pain deep in a place where I don't have to 
deal with it... much.  I went with the familiar path in time of 
crisis.  An inward retreat.  The strangest thing though, I found 
myself at the main hut.  Rather than seeking my morning coffee, I 
felt the need to imbibe in a cup of the Guru's special tea.  
Something I have discovered flows freely on Mohona, one need only 
make the journey to the sacred fire, kneel in meditation, and the 
offering will be made by the one tending the flames.

Manu is the chosen caretaker this day, and as I enter the hut, 
his welcoming smile greets me, and I return the friendly gesture 
before joining several others already in meditation, a morning 
ritual that many find peace in.  I kneel at the fire, being 
careful to stay clear of the smoke.  I've learned the combination 
of Tagara and tea to be a bit more than I can handle.  

The tea is poured almost immediately, and I'm a little frightened 
by how much I suddenly need to taste it.  My hands are actually 
trembling as I bring the cup to my lips and drink.  I'm well 
aware of what this could mean.  However, this morning, in my 
apathy, I choose to ignore the obvious warning signs, and indulge 
in addiction.  Maybe it's not the wisest thing to do, but I seek 
the contentment of the herbal brew to ease my insecurities and 
soothe my troubled heart.  

Upon finishing my third cup, Manu approaches and hands me a small 
stack of teaching manuals.  "Master Yidah has asked that I give 
you these.  You and your husband should study them before this 
afternoon's lesson."

I nod and accept the booklets from him not even bothering to 
glance at the titles as I prepare myself to leave.

"The Master is very pleased with your progress thus far..." Manu 
continues as I stand and return my tea cup to the serving tray.  
"He is encouraged by the way YOU in particular, have embraced the 
teachings, Dana.  He thinks you would benefit from private 
instruction."

Some of the other church members look up at me at Manu's words.  
I can't read their expressions, but it seems as though I am 
suddenly a curiosity worthy of disturbing even transcendental 
reflection.

~~~~~~


CHAPTER 16


The sun is getting higher in the midday sky, and I haven't found 
anything significant yet.  I am working my way through a 
partially-cleared section of thick underbrush; looks as if 
someone may have cut down the heavy stuff maybe a month ago. An 
all-terrain vehicle could push its way through, I suppose... I 
look down at the ground closely, noting the faint marks in the 
fine sand which is interspersed with thin low grass.  Flattened, 
thin low grass - hmmm.  I get down on my knees, closer to the 
tracks; they appear to be treads.  I squint a bit; so bright out 
here... damn, I was right. An all-terrain vehicle.  Somewhere on 
this island is an all-terrain vehicle; a four-wheeler, I think.  
On an island where there isn't even running water; where there is 
no electricity or sewer system or even solid walls, there is 
gasoline and a four-wheeler.  If there is gasoline, maybe there's 
a generator... maybe a better radio system than what I'd first 
pictured.  I straighten up, wiping the back of my neck, and 
continue exploring.

Scully was upset when I told her I wanted to do some in-depth 
snooping; she'd brought a small stack of thin manuals into our 
sleep area, apparently borrowed from either Manu or the Big Guy 
himself.  She had wanted to read through them with me but I was 
restless, and not a little guilty, for I'd really let this 
investigation slip.  I'd let the need to embrace the Tantra 
override the main purpose of this time on Mohona.  Don't get me 
wrong, it's been amazing.  I have loved exploring the darker as 
well as the passionate side of our love, and in this discovery I 
have found what I have always needed, have always craved.  That I 
should find it with Scully makes it all the more miraculous.  But 
there is still danger here; there are still missing and/or 
presumed dead people, not to mention the fact that five women 
from the original student group seem to be missing their men.  We 
need to solve this; only then can we really have the freedom to 
continue our studies and pursue our own Tantra.  And I want that, 
I really do.

I smiled at Scully as she plopped herself down next to me on our 
mat, and held up the manuals; fascinating topics such as "Erosha 
and Erosflow in Erotic Massage",and "Asanas of Erotic Love" - fun 
stuff, but I had other things on my mind, for once.  I flipped 
through the little books, and regarded her quizzically, noting 
the high flush to her cheeks and the too-bright sparkle in her 
eyes.  Too bright... I couldn't help but wonder what she'd been 
inhaling.  What she'd possibly been drinking... only one sure way 
to find out.  I dumped the manuals on the floor, grabbed her and 
swung her underneath me, sniffing her neck and her hair for 
traces of Tagara smoke; making her giggle and squirm as she 
sputtered, "Mulder, what's gotten into you?  Let go!  We need to 
get these read before our next session -"  I ignored her 
protests, and fastened my mouth on hers, kissing her deeply - and 
tasting tea on her tongue.  And as abruptly as I'd begun with 
her, I stopped - and shoved her away - suddenly angry, worried 
and fed up.  With the drugs, and the manuals, the scratchy mats, 
the overabundance of fruit and the undersupply of meat; the humid 
air and Guru Yodel and all of it. 

Just fed up - and wanting more than ever to get out there and get 
this damn case solved so Scully and I could get back to 
civilization, and our normal FBI lives.  God, I can't believe I 
could actually find myself at a point in my existence when Fed 
life could seem more appealing than an island paradise!  Go 
figure.  Time to get back to as normal as we could; more than 
time enough, I thought, as I grabbed Scully's arms and turned her 
to face me.

"Scully... the investigation, remember?  The reason we came here 
in the first place?  We need to do some investigating, you and I. 
 We've put so much of it aside these past few days, and it's been 
the best thing that has ever happened to me... but we have to 
continue the case, so that we can get this solved and get back to 
DC and the real world!"  I stared hard into her eyes as I spoke, 
seeing with a sinking despair the dark dilation there; realizing 
that in the days since we have been on Mohona her eyes have been 
dilated almost constantly.  And I suddenly couldn't take it 
anymore; I want the Tantra but no more goddamn drugs.  There has 
to be a midway point... there has to be an area of agreement for 
us. I held Scully's gaze, and shook her lightly by the shoulders, 
to emphasize my point.  She looked puzzled, her smile fading as 
she absorbed my words.

"Mulder, you know the case has been solved... we saw the couples, 
in the gathering hut, that first morning we spent here!  You said 
yourself you recognized them - they're studying here, of their 
own free will, same as we are.  The case is solved, Mulder - all 
we have to do is radio for Skinner and let him know, maybe get 
hold of some paper and write up our final report, send it out.  
Then we can concentrate fully on our lessons, and solidify our 
commitment to the Tantra and to each other."  Sincerity in her 
voice... sincerity in her eyes.  Shit.  I didn't know what to 
do... so torn.  I finally took a deep breath, and set her aside 
gently; stood up and glanced down at her curled up on the mat 
with her manuals.  

"Scully, I'm going to go out and get started.  I'm going to 
search every inch of this island, and I would like it if you 
would help me... I really would.  But I am not gonna force you.  
If you want me you know where to find me..."

~~~~~~

He sent for me.  Master Yidah.  I have been called to his 
quarters by Manu, and though I told Mulder I was going to spend 
the rest of the morning meditating and reading, how could I 
refuse his invitation?  Besides, Mulder will be gone for hours, 
he's determined to investigate every last inch of this island, 
and that's just fine with me.  Our Guru was right about Mulder 
when he expressed concerns about his restlessness.  As much as my 
partner tries to embrace the Tantric ways, a part of him still 
can't let go of what we left back in DC.  That troubles me.  I 
want this for us, because after all we've been through, after all 
the horrors both of us have suffered over the years, it's a 
chance to heal, to forgive ourselves, to find inner peace, and a 
closeness beyond anything we've ever imagined.  I'm ready for 
that now.  I want it more than I've ever wanted anything in my 
life.  Mulder and I have a chance to create the perfect 
relationship, based on love and respect, on trust and faith, on a 
friendship that's taken years to build.   

As I enter Master Yidah's hut, Madhu greets me at the door.  I'm 
beginning to think this woman took a vow of nudity as part of her 
Tantric conversion.  A one piece bikini and a collection of 
silver chains worn around her neck and waist is deemed adequate 
for receiving company, apparently.  "Welcome, Dana."  She takes 
my hand and her soft fingers gently caress mine as she speaks.  I 
can't help but note again the sadness this beautiful young woman 
projects.  Is that what Mulder sees in her?  Is his overriding 
need to comfort troubled souls what's drawing him to her?  Or is 
it something less altruistic... something to do with the fact 
that Madhu has the kind of body and face men would willingly die 
for.  

"My husband is waiting to receive you.  Please... follow me."  
Without another word, she leads me into the back part of the hut, 
into the Guru's private quarters.  

The windowless room is dimly lit with candles and smells strongly 
of sandalwood.  Madhu's husband meditates on a featherbed of 
pillows in the center of the room, his courtesans faithfully 
kneeling in a semicircle around him.  When he hears us enter, his 
eyes slowly open.  "Leave us," he orders, and a few moments later 
the door is closed and only Master Yidah and I remain in the 
room.

"Sit with me."  It's a gentle command given as he gestures to the 
pillows directly in front of him.  Those damn eyes of his draw me 
in, and before I even realize what I've done, I'm kneeling only 
an arms length away from him on the soft cushions.

"Your dedication does not go unnoticed, Dana.  In just these few 
days I have seen amazing spiritual growth in you.  You have 
embraced the teachings and are ready to fully immerse yourself in 
the ways of Tantra.  As your Guru, I can give you Awakening, but 
it will only be after years of study that you will you find 
yourself capable of holding on to such enlightenment.  Are you 
willing to devote yourself to attaining this goal?"

"Yes," I tell him honestly.  I've never seen eyes so crystalline 
blue.  Their translucence draws me in, further and further into 
bottomless depths of bright color. 

"That's very good."  The Guru's voice is quiet and soothing.  
"You have already taken the first steps, but it is a long road 
ahead.  Are you prepared to make the journey?"

"I believe so, Master Yidah."  It's as much a battle as I have 
ever fought to tear myself away from his bewitching gaze.

"You must of course prove your devotion.  Give up all your 
worldly possessions.  Abandon materialism.  The spiritual self 
does not require such distractions.  There is no longer any need 
for these things in your life.  The Church will see to all your 
necessities.  Everything which you require on your journey will 
be provided for you.  You need only arrange a donation, a small 
price for spiritual riches beyond imagining."


~~~~~~

Tantric (Episode 3)

Chapter 17


I have been digging around for almost two hours, with not much to 
show for it, save a few tracks in the sand and a suspicion or 
two.  On the opposite side of the island now, and the sun is high 
and there are no clouds. An idyllic day - the sort of day which 
screams for fun and frolic, instead of tromping with sweaty 
purpose through dense underbrush and smelly vegetation.  
Smelly... hmmm.  Unless something died here very recently, 
nothing in a forest, even a rain forest, should smell that funky. 
 As I move through the tangle of palmetto fronds, fern and 
assorted squishy moss, searching for any sort of footpath, I keep 
my nose to the small breeze stirring the sparse grasses; 
following the path of the smell. Getting stronger - and worse - 
as I finally stumble upon a rough path and trace it back around a 
jutting rock.  Huge rock; almost a cave.  I wonder if it is a 
cave... As I round the side of the massive slab, I am hit with 
something so surreal and unexpected - yet I tell myself as I gaze 
at it that I should have seen this one coming... an altar, made 
of stone; rudimentary in shape but definitely an altar.  

Earthen bowls, eight of them ringing the stone; empty but a few 
with a residual powdery substance coating the inside; I bring one 
to my face and sniff, not detecting anything specific.  I drop 
the bowl and look up; look up, and up - at the column of rock 
behind the altar which from the back had the appearance of a 
cave, but now begins to resemble something else.  I have to step 
back eight or nine paces to be able to see the whole thing, 
but... now I can see it's not a cave.  An enormous face, 
elongated and fiercely frowning - a Tiki.  That's what I am 
seeing.  In some cultures a benevolent spirit; in others, evil 
incarnate... and as I look up into the face of this one, I wonder 
just what culture this one represents - because although the 
altar and surrounding area is clean as a whistle, except for a 
few powdery bowls, the stench in the air is powerful here - 
enough to knock a buzzard off a shit wagon.  I turn and take off 
in the opposite direction, toward the huts on the other side of 
the island.

Don't understand why suddenly I should feel that Scully is in 
danger of some kind... but I do.

~~~~~~

"What's this?" I ask the Guru who is offering me a small chalice, 
intricately carved and filled with a dark, but sweet smelling 
liquid.

"It is part of the Awakening process.  Aushadhi can bring 
enlightenment, but it is something that must be carefully 
administered.  This is a potion I have created especially for 
you."

Exactly what Mulder warned me against, and he's not even here to 
protect me this time.  And I know that he's right.  I can feel 
the panic rising up inside me, and I balk at the offering.  
"Master Yidah, I'm not entirely comfortable with this.  Maybe it 
would be better to wait until..."

"You have so little trust in me, Dana?  If I do not enjoy your 
confidence, then it will be impossible for me to give you 
instruction.  You may go." 

Oh God.  Now I've insulted him.  That's the last thing I wanted 
to do.  And he's completely right to take offense.  I have to 
learn to follow this man if I am to look to him as a spiritual 
guide.  "No, Master Yidah, I trust you.  I'm just concerned as to 
what my reaction might be to..."

"You have nothing to fear.  I will let no harm come to you.  
Accept each lesson as it is given, with and open mind and heart. 
 It is the only way to find what you are seeking." 

Against my better judgment, and before I can convince myself not 
to, I hastily drink down the muddy concoction.  Master Yidah 
takes my chin in his hand and smiles approvingly, almost 
paternally, at my compliance.  Already, I can feel a tingling in 
my mouth as the sweet elixir absorbs instantly into the 
bloodstream.  This is not good.  I've put myself into a 
potentially dangerous situation, taken into my body what is, most 
likely, mind altaring substances, at the behest of a man I know 
very little about... put myself into a position from which I may 
soon have little or no ability to control what happens to me, or 
offer any kind of resistance should it become necessary... and 
Mulder is no where near should I need him to play the role of 
knight in shining armor again.  But I have taken a leap of faith. 
 Something that is required if I am to attain my goal and find 
the truth of my inner self.  I have to stop letting Mulder's 
paranoia become my own and distort the situation.  This is a 
peaceful island paradise, and Master Yidah is a benevolent 
teacher who has shown me nothing but kindness since my arrival.  

Besides, there's no going back now.

"Students must be willing to follow, without hesitation, all 
instruction of the Guru Master.  Do not question the teachings or 
the methods with which they are given, just accept them.  Can you 
do this?"

I think I consented, but I'm slipping away much too quickly to be 
sure.  There is a feeling of weightlessness coming over me, and 
the candles... the strangest thing about the candles... God, it's 
beautiful!  The lights from the candles streak like lines of fire 
across the room... bending and twisting in the most interesting 
patterns... forming an aurora of red, gold and orange that dances 
and shifts with each turn of my head.  

Master Yidah is chanting, and I feel his hands pushing me slowly 
back onto the bed of pillows.  Somewhere in the back of my mind I 
register apprehension but it is quelled by the greater sense of 
peace and well being that covers me like a blanket, warm and 
safe.

"And now, my lovely Goddess, Lord Shiva will awaken the Chakras 
of your inner self."  The deep resonance of his voice fills the 
room, surrounding me, seemingly coming from everywhere at once.  
I feel my robe being opened, my naked flesh exposed.

"AUM chamunde hulu hulu chulu vashamanaya amukhim svaha..."  He 
chants the mantra over and over as he christens my skin with 
perfumed oils, marks my forehead with sacred ash. My head rolls 
side to side on the feathery pillows as the musical song of his 
words pushes me deeper into a trance state of detachment.

"AUM Kamaru Kamachcha... Repeat the Mantra, Dana," he instructs.

"AUM Kamaru Kamachcha," I cannot resist him, echoing the words he 
has given me.  

"Do not stop.  Continue."  And as I obey his command, softly 
reciting the chant, his hands begin rubbing the oils over my 
body, massaging, arousing... I find myself caught in the words as 
I speak them, losing the last bits of conscious awareness of what 
is happening to me...

~~~~~~

She's not in our sleeping area; I stand over the mat, winded from 
running so hard halfway across the island, my eyes adjusting to 
the dimness within the netted cloth surrounding our mat.  Looking 
down, I notice the manuals scattered across the braided reeds on 
the floor, a cup on its side next to the thickest manual.  Heart 
suddenly pounding against my ribs, I bend to retrieve the cup, 
sniffing at it although I already know what I will find.  
Godammit - green fucking tea!  The fury which overtakes me in a 
flash spurs a string of biting curses pouring from my mouth as I 
fling the earthen cup as far as I can.  I whirl on my heels and 
stride from our area, moving as quickly as I can without 
attracting too much attention to myself.  Christ knows, everyone 
on this damn island moves like a slow fart - luckily, there are 
only a few people moving about and nobody pays me any mind.  
Guess I'm moving slowly enough to suit them, I think inanely to 
myself as I head over to the main hut.  

No goons today, thankfully - the Guru must have given them time 
off to go terrorize some monkeys, or something.  I slip through 
the front entrance and move quietly around the center fire-pit 
toward the back room.  Without stopping to wonder why I would be 
so sure Scully is in there, I creep up silently to the door which 
has been opened about three inches, presumably to help 
re-circulate the inner air which escapes to waft about my head in 
a fragrant profusion of sandlewood, Tagara and something vaguely 
pungent and oily-smelling.  Oils... something about that 
particular smell has me very worried - but before I can step 
closer to the door, a small hand grabs at me and pulls me away 
from the door, drags me across the main room and outside into the 
hot sun.  I look down, temporarily blinded, taken by surprise...

Madhu has hold of my arm, a worried frown on her lovely face and 
one finger to her lips as she pulls the door partially closed.  I 
tug on my arm, but she is strong for such a delicate thing, and 
she won't let go.  "Come on, Madhu - let go.  Dana's in there and 
I'm worried about her..."  

"Saiid, please... do not disturb the ritual.  The Master will be 
very displeased if you upset the balance of the Awakening - 
please, you should not be here.  The Awakening must be 
accomplished one on one.  You will see, when your time comes, 
Saiid..."  I shake my head and gently remove her hand.  One on 
one... Jesus, I don't like the sound of that!
I turn to Madhu again, forcing my eyes away from the door, and 
stare into her sad brown orbs.  She has those dark circles 
happening again, and her pale face contrasts sharply with the 
natural dusk of her skin.   She is so sweet - and so unhappy.  
Dangerous combination, sometimes.  

"Madhu, Dana is my entire world.  I would do anything to make her 
happy - anything but compromise my security in the quality of our 
love.  If that goes against the Tantra and its teachings of 
openness and oneness, then tough shit.  I am sorry, but I'm going 
in there and breaking up the session - if I see anything 
objectionable to me, I'm breaking it up.  Can you honestly tell 
me it's completely innocent, what's happening in there?  Come on, 
I know better!  And so do you -"  I reach out a finger and trace 
the dark circle under one of her eyes - "Otherwise I wouldn't be 
seeing these under the eyes of one so young and lovely.  Now, let 
me go, Madhu... let me go to my wife, and later Dana and I will 
meet you, and I promise we will help you... please..."  

Madhu sighs, and whispers, "As you wish, Saiid Fox - I will try 
to find you, later.  Perhaps we can help each other..." She gives 
my arm a gentle squeeze and lets me go; I immediately turn to the 
door, and open it another crack, steeling myself for a scene 
which I am sure will raise the green monster within my soul...

I hear the chanting first; Scully's soft voice chanting, although 
it really doesn't sound quite like Scully.  More like a robot on 
auto-erotica overdrive; soft and deep and somehow fierce...

"AUM Kamaru Kamachcha, AUM Kamaru Kamachcha..." Over and over I 
hear it, matching the voice of the Guru as he chants to her.

"AUM chamunde hulu hulu chulu vashamanaya amukhim svaha..."  
Repeating those words, which sound vaguely familiar - didn't I 
read about that chant, in one of the manuals provided on Abaco?  
I know I did - and as suddenly as I remember reading about the 
chant, I remember what the chant is supposed to do - and I am 
beyond furious, beyond hostile and beyond the saner, more 
sensible side of my own personal yin and yang... as I recall the 
chant as part of a bewitchment ritual.  I grasp the door and 
throw it wide, stepping though the opening and allowing the 
afternoon light to flood the inner sanctum, pouring across the 
vision of Scully and the Guru...

Holy SHIT!  Scully?  Laid out on a pile of pillows, on her back 
with arms and legs flung to the four corners of the earth; robe 
undone and bare body glistening with oil... the same oil which 
drips from the hands of Master Baet-mi, the guru-stud.  He's 
crouched over her like a starving man about to feast after a long 
famine; eyes afire with whatever shit he's been snorting or 
drinking.  And Scully... she's so far gone I would bet she's just 
about catatonic.  Her half-closed eyes are black with dilation; 
skin rosy pink, as if she is running a fever.  And I swear I can 
see the imprint of his hands upon her flesh...  what little 
sanity I have left amplifying the vision until I am certain I 
could truly shoot this man dead by the strength of the hostility 
in just one of my eyes.  I gulp in a huge breath and stride over 
to the pillows, grasping him around the throat with one hand and 
flipping Scully's robe shut with the other, before it too joins 
the hand squeezing the hell out of him.

"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING WITH MY WIFE??!!"

I am shaking him like a terrier with a rat; that's exactly what 
he is: a predatory, filthy rat.  I don't give a flying shit how 
many degrees he has or how many couples he's helped; at the 
moment he's a dead man and that's all that matters to me.  I can 
see his face starting to darken red from lack of air; 
superimposed over that is the sight of Madhu's face, dripping 
with tears, the way she looked the night of the orgy.  I am 
beside myself with anger, jealousy and the red mist of violence, 
all directed at this asshole. I manage to spit out words, 
scathing virulence in every syllable.

"You son of a bitch... you can pretend all over the Goddamn place 
that this is just part of the Tantric experience, but you may as 
well know just how dead you've become.  What the fuck gives you 
the right to think you can touch my wife this way?  Huh?  Answer 
me, you sick prick!!"  I shake him again, and this time he 
manages to get a hand close enough to pry at my fingers; I won't 
let go, regardless of how much his fingers digging into my hand 
really hurts.  His voice comes out in a series of gobbling gasps, 
as I continue to deprive him of oxygen.

"Fox, you misunderstand... I was not behaving in an inappropriate 
manner with Dana... please, you are hurting me... she is ready 
for the Awakening.  Aushadhi has aroused her Kundalini and she 
now requires direction... I must perform the ritual, please... 
let go and I will explain..."  I ease up on his neck, thinking 
very hard.  This man is not suspicious of us, not yet.  So far he 
believes me to be nothing more than a jealous husband.  I am in 
serious danger of blowing our cover, but I could kill him on the 
spot, right now - because as I hold him still, by the throat... I 
can see his mouth is glistening with oil.  The same oil which 
coats his hands - the same oil which rings Scully's exposed 
breasts, arrows down the center of her body and pools into the 
dip of her navel, disappearing into her little red curls.  

The bastard had his mouth on Scully... my Scully.  My woman.  I 
don't dare try to guess where on her body that mouth may have 
been - Jesus, no! That bit of analysis would surely send me over 
the edge, and reduce me to the very killer that I spend my life 
tracking down and locking up.  My fury is now so white-hot that I 
can barely force the heaving breaths out through my bared teeth. 
 I pull at Guru Asshole, until his face is within inches of mine; 
he is a strong, muscular man but he's no match for me when the 
adrenaline is pumping through me this wildly.

"You. Had. Your. Mouth. On. My. Wife.  Your goddamn mouth... I 
could kill you for that alone.  At this moment I don't give a 
shit about your teachings, your  rituals, your manuals, 
positions, green tea, Tagara or anything else connected with 
Tantra.  Nobody, but nobody ever said a word about fucking 
wife-swapping.  And nobody, under any circumstances, puts a hand 
wrong where Dana is concerned.  We trusted you... trusted you to 
teach us the Tantra ways, for US to use on each other... not for 
you to pull on my wife because you need some kind of cheap ego 
boost."  With those words, I give his throat one last hard press, 
and fling him away from me in utter disgust, turning back to 
Scully, who hasn't awoken; hasn't even moved.  I can see how 
thoroughly stoned she is; I can almost smell it emanating from 
her pores.  I drop to my knees before her, tenderly brushing the 
tangled hair from her cheeks, and whisper to her urgently.

"Baby, wake up now... Dana, sweetheart, come on - wake up..."  
Not even a flicker of an eyelash; she's totally out of it.  I tie 
her robe together, and slide my arms underneath her, lifting her 
and holding her tightly against my chest... turning to face Guru 
Asshole, still half-kneeling on the mound of pillows and rubbing 
at his throat.  Without another word I turn toward the door, but 
apparently this particular Guru is an idiot as well as being an 
asshole, because he jumps up and in front of the open door, 
blocking it with his body and speaking to me in a low, almost 
singsong voice.  And I stare at him in utter amazement; the prick 
is actually trying to mesmerize me with his voice; trying to keep 
me from leaving with Scully.  Un-shitting-believable...

"Fox, wait... listen to me.  You cannot take Dana from the 
Awakening once the ritual has begun.  You risk doing irreparable 
damage to her delicate inner balance... you must let me fulfill 
her Vashikarana; to interrupt and disturb the ritual at this 
point could do her great harm..."  His voice has been gaining in 
strength and whatever weird conviction he follows, and he's 
reaching out both hands in my direction, preparing to take Scully 
from my arms.  I am totally not believing this.  How stupid can 
one man be?  If I wasn't so much on the fine edge of popping his 
throat open with my bare hands... I'd be laughing my ass off 
right about now.  I ask myself again - how fucking egotistical 
can one man be?  Something of what I am thinking, contemplating, 
must be showing big-time in my eyes, because his persuasive voice 
peters out as I stare him down, the absolute and irrefutable 
disbelief in my eyes causing his confidence as a mesmerizer to 
falter. The sharp snort of laughter which erupts from me makes 
him take one tiny step back.  And I take one tiny step forward, 
my arms tightening even more around my precious burden.

"You have got to be fucking with me, Yodel - because there's no 
way you can be that monumentally stupid.  Yessir, you are 
definitely out there - I think you've been inhaling too much of 
your own shit, not to mention believing it.  Let me put this in 
words which even you will understand, shall I?"

"It's over.  Done.  Through.  Finis.  As a true Tantric guru you 
suck canal water; as a mesmerizer your methods leave a hell of a 
lot to be desired; your little schtick depends less on actual 
talent, caring and devotion than it does on just needing to feel 
like a big man and having to use goddamn drugs to accomplish your 
goal.  I read through a hell of a lot of books and I know one 
thing for certain: you cannot bewitch somebody into going against 
her true nature, unless you lie to her first and then drug the 
living shit out of her.  I can attest to the level of drugging 
going on; unfortunately, I had no control over whether or not 
Dana believed your lies."  With each word I speak to him, he 
seems to shrink just a little bit; and by the time I finish, I'm 
feeling a lot better.  I turn to the door again, throwing a few 
last remarks over my shoulder.

"I think it would be best if we leave, Master Yidah... as soon as 
possible.  I doubt this understanding of the Tantra will be 
successful for us.  I would appreciate it if you would arrange to 
have a boat pick us up.  Let's just call this quits; obviously we 
were not meant to embrace Tantra quite this... intricately."  I 
don't give him an opportunity to protest or persuade any further; 
I have got to try to get out of there before I plop Scully down 
on the first available pillow, turn back to him and pull his 
large intestines out through his nostrils.  I have got to hold 
onto my temper; keep it together; stay somewhat cool.  I walk out 
the door and into the bright, cleansing sunlight; hearing behind 
me his softly spoken reply.

"As you wish, Mr. Hale..."

I manage to hold the outwardly-calm persona about as long as it 
takes me to get past the hut and onto the path leading through 
the lush vegetation beyond the beach.  By the time I hit the path 
I'm shaking all over; clutching Scully harder, I struggle to 
reach a small clearing between a thick copse of palmettos.  Then 
I can't take another step; I sink down onto the mossy ground, and 
bury my suddenly wet face into Scully's soft neck.  She's still 
out of it, sleeping off the heavy drugs she has imbibed.  I can't 
even imagine what the hell he gave her; I push the thought away, 
knowing if I start dwelling on it I'll go off my onion.  I am 
also trying to push away any visuals of that bastard touching 
Scully, Jesus... touching would be bad enough.  But I know the 
contact he had with her went far beyond his hands... 

Oh, Christ, I don't want to see this, here behind my closed lids. 
I press both hands to my eyes, hard; it hurts but I welcome the 
pain; anything to get my vivid mind off the waking nightmare of 
him, hovering over her defenseless body, nude and vulnerable; his 
hands slick with that oil, sliding his fingers over and around 
each of her sweet breasts - GODDAMNIT! - my breasts, they're mine 
and nobody else's; she gave them to me for safe-keeping, for my 
endless devotion and protection, just as she gave me her tender 
backside, her cute little rounded belly, and those 
perfectly-curved and shapely legs.  She gave me those gorgeous 
blue eyes and every single strand of her glorious silky hair, her 
pouty rosebud lips and that tongue from Heaven; gave me her 
pretty red curls and the tiny treasure they cover and shield... 
it's all mine.  Mine... and I want to tear, rip and destroy; 
gouge and decimate; I want to scream until I have no voice left! 
 

I don't want to see or imagine anything else he may have done to 
her; can't think about those blunt fingers shoving themselves 
inside her body, inside where I gladly worship; wondering with 
intense agony if she felt anything when her inner walls were 
touched and probed; did she think it was me?  Would she wanted it 
to have been my fingers... or was she so far gone, into the 
Tagara and whatever other drugs were introduced into her system, 
that she wouldn't care?  Could he tell her, whisper to her, that 
he was the one she really wanted, him in my place... and would 
she have listened to him, believed him?  His mouth, ringed in 
oil...

Oh, fuck me...  his mouth.  No, I can't even begin to go there!  
If I go there I really will jump off the deep end; if I go there 
I will no doubt find myself bouncing like a lunatic all over this 
goddamned island, gouging out great mountains of mossy earth and 
flinging them into the boiling ocean; tearing down palm trees 
with nothing more than my teeth and using them to thrash every 
last hut and shelter on this fucking island... 

I find myself so far beyond sanity at this point that I can't 
stay down any longer; my eyes are two burning lumps in my head as 
I lay Scully down on the moss and leap to my feet and pound my 
fists into the nearest palm trunk until the knuckles split and 
bleed; the words forcing their way up from my shattered soul 
through my aching lungs and spewing out into the silent open air 
-

"OH FUCKSHITFUCKGODDAMMITALLTOHELL�!!!!!!!"

~~~~~~

Chapter 18


The threatening rumble of thunder somewhere in the distance 
awakens me from languorous sleep.  Once startled from its 
hypnotic state, my brain begins processing again what my eyes can 
see.  I find myself looking straight up at the feathery branches 
of a grove of coconut palms.  For just a minute or two, I lie 
there and contemplate the ruffled leaves swaying in the urgent 
wind, featured against a background of ominous storm clouds.  The 
air is thick, and any minute I expect to feel the first drops of 
rain hitting my skin.  

And just like that it occurs to me.  I have no idea where in the 
hell I am, or how I came to be here.  Think, Dana, think.  What's 
the last thing you remember?  ...Oh no!

"Mulder?!"  Trying to sit up too quickly causes me to become 
lightheaded, and I must look as though I'm about to pass out 
again because Mulder is at my side in an instant, worried frown, 
and furrows creasing his tanned brow.

"Easy, Scully.  Just take it easy."  He helps me lean back 
against one of the trees.  Maybe it's better if I ease myself out 
of this mystic abstraction a little at a time.  Whatever Master 
Yidah gave me to drink in that potion, it hit me hard, and I'm 
still a bit unsteady.

"Mulder, where are we?"

"I had to get you out of there, away from him."  His voice is 
hoarse and shaky.

"What are you talking about?  What happened?"

"That fucking bastard, Guru-man... I found you in his bed!"  His 
eyes flash with rage, and just as quickly he calms himself again, 
bringing a gentle hand to my face, rubbing his thumb tenderly 
across my cheek.  "Do you remember any of it, Scully?  We're you 
aware of what was happening?  What he did to you?"

Oh boy.  I don't.  That's just the problem.  And by the color in 
Mulder's face and the fire blazing in his eyes, I have a terrible 
sinking feeling it's not something I'm going to enjoy finding out 
about.  "No," I tell him quietly, shaking my head for emphasis.

He inhales deeply and huffs out a cleansing breath.  I'm not sure 
if he's relieved that I know so little of what happened, or upset 
by that knowledge.  "Doesn't matter.  The important thing is 
you're safe now.  And soon we'll be going home.  We're taking the 
next boat back to Abaco, hopping the first available flight to 
Miami, and then it's back to DC, G-woman.  I've had about all the 
paradise I can stand."

"NO!"  I sit up quickly again, but this time the dizziness is 
manageable.  "Mulder, I'm not going back.  I've made a pledge to 
continue my training with Master Yidah for the full course of 
study.  As proof of my commitment, I've already signed over all 
my material possessions to the church." 

"You did WHAT?!"  

Taking his hand in mine, I try to let him see just how important 
this is to me.  It was a big step, I know; but how could spending 
the next twelve years of our lives growing closer, learning the 
ways of Tantra, and discovering ourselves, be the wrong thing to 
do?  My choice is already made.  Now I just have to persuade 
Mulder to walk with me down this new path.  "I want you to do the 
same.  Master Yidah is a wonderful teacher.  And I want this for 
us.  I want it so much."

"Jesus, Scully, have you lost your mind?  What has he done to 
you?"

"I made this decision of my own free will."

"That 'free will' didn't happen to be helped along by a little 
Tagara, did it?  Or maybe some of that green shit tea you've 
taken an unhealthy liking to?  Was it before or after the Groping 
Guru drugged you to the gills?"

"Mulder, I don't know what you think happened, but I can assure 
you..."

"Wait a second," he cuts me off.  "Wait just a second.  You 
signed legal documents?"

I nod.

"But, Scully, we're undercover.  Tell me you didn't sign your 
real name."

"Of course I did.  The case has been solved, Mulder.  There's no 
wrong doing here.  I came clean with Master Yidah about our true 
identities.  And he was very understanding about the..."

"SHIT!"  Mulder jumps up and begins a tirade of pacing and 
cursing.  "Shitshitshit!  GODDAMN IT, SCULLY!  YOU BLEW OUR 
COVER... WHAT IN THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING!  FUCKING 
UNBELIEVABLE!"  As if the sky itself has absorbed Mulder's rage, 
a loud boom issues from the clouds above causing us both to 
startle.  I'm not sure which storm is more threatening, the 
tropical squall blowing in from somewhere out over the ocean, or 
the typhoon of fury swirling in Mulder's eyes.

It's a bit of a struggle but I manage to get to my feet as well. 
 "I don't understand what you're so angry about, Mulder.  The 
case is over, done!  We've been through this already!  It's time 
to let it go.  Do you understand me?  No more!  We're here for us 
now.  To study with Master Yidah.  To grow together, Mulder, me 
and you.  To find spiritual oneness.  To practice the Tantra and 
Awaken our Chakras.  To find the truth of our inner selves."

"Christ!  Will you listen to yourself!"  He comes close to me 
again, and takes my face in his hands, staring hard into my eyes 
as if he's trying to force me to understand him.  "He's weakened 
your mind with drugs, Scully.  He's gotten inside your head and 
distorted your view of what's really happening here.  A few hours 
ago I found you lying naked in the man's bed.  He was performing 
a bewitchment ritual on you, not that I believe that phony sack 
of shit is capable of anything paranormal... but he was all over 
you.  His hands, his mouth... touching you in places and ways 
that..." he breaks off suddenly overcome with sentiment, and I 
watch as he fights back a wave of overwhelming emotion before he 
can continue.  "...in ways that only I'm supposed to."

"Oh, Mulder.  You must be misinterpreting what you saw."

"How would you know what I saw?  You were in la la land, Scully. 
 He drugged you."

I shake my head adamantly.  "I was a willing participant.  And it 
was an herbal potion that I drank.  Aushadhi is a legitimate 
means by which Samadhi is attained.  Master Yidah was only 
guiding me to my Awakening."

"You LET him do that to you?!!!"  He steps back from me a few 
steps and looks at me in stunned disbelief.  "What are you, his 
fucking little groupie?!!!"

"Mulder..."  I'm trying very hard not to lose my own temper.  
He's letting his jealousy run away with him.  The wind has picked 
up quite a bit, the forest around us stirred into a frenzy by the 
approaching storm.  I reach out to my partner hoping to quell the 
emotional rage howling within him, but he turns a cold shoulder 
to my attempt at reconciliation.  

"We came here to conduct an investigation, Agent Scully.  You've 
completely lost your focus, and in doing so, jeopardized this 
case and put us in a potentially dangerous situation.  As Senior 
Agent, I'm hereby relieving you of duty until such time as you 
can undergo a complete psychological evaluation and are deemed 
mentally competent and fit to return to work."

"I'm not GOING back.  I told you.  Please, Mulder, don't be like 
this."  But he is beyond reasoning with at this point.  I can see 
that.  His body is stiff and he's closed himself off to me.  For 
whatever reason, he's already deemed Master Yidah guilty... of 
what, I'm not really clear.  There is more thunder, and the rain 
finally begins to fall, large drops of water showering both of us 
from above.  "What do you have against him?  So far you haven't 
shown me one piece of solid evidence that indicates any sort of 
wrong doing here, or implicates Master Yidah in anything devious. 
 Where's the case, Mulder?"

"When I was searching the island today for any clues as to what 
might have happened to the five men who are STILL missing... the 
husbands of your Guru-man's harem, I found a large stone altar on 
the other side of the island, a ceremonial place where religious 
rites are performed.  There is a stench... like death, 
surrounding the place."

"Did you search the area?  Were there bodies?  Blood?"

"I searched, but couldn't find the source of the smell.  There 
are traces of some sort of powder in several bowls I found at the 
site.  I was planning to go back and investigate further after I 
located you.  I wanted you to see it too."

"Mulder, how do you know this isn't an artifact, that you haven't 
inadvertently stumbled upon the remains of an earlier 
civilization?"

"It may likely be a relic, but I'm certain it's still in use.  I 
found tire tracks, evidence that a motorized vehicle had been in 
the area."

"What does that prove?"  I'm tired of this.  Tired of his 
stubborn refusal to accept the facts.  He's let his suspicious 
and imaginative mind go too far this time.  "My God, you're 
paranoid, Mulder!  There's nothing going on here!  Why can't you 
see that?"

"There is, Scully, and I'm going to prove it to you.  And when I 
do, you're going to come back with me to DC.  I'm not about to 
stay in this Godforsaken place one day longer than I absolutely 
have to.  And there's no way in Hell I'm leaving you behind when 
I go."

~~~~~~


The warm rain hits my face as I head for the main hut - I have to 
find Madhu and talk to her, have to find out whatever I can about 
the signing away of material possessions.  I am moving fast, feet 
pounding the ground, my heart keeping beat with each step.  And 
as I move farther away from where Scully still sits, there 
underneath the swaying palmettos... I feel as if I am losing her 
already to the Tantra, and the insidious evil I know I have 
found.  And my heart is splintering into a thousand pieces as the 
weight of what I have learned proves almost too much for me to 
bear.  The sudden anguish I feel causes me to actually double 
over, and I sink to the ground just inside the dense undergrowth, 
yards away from the clearing.  

I can't even begin to assimilate all I have learned, since Scully 
came to and revealed to me her involuntary duplicity.  What 
frightens me the most is her inability to even see the truth when 
she's sober  - after the drugs wear off - as if the effects of 
the shit stamp their poison permanently in her mind, not only 
altering her perception but her basic personality.  The Scully I 
knew on Abaco would never have let another man touch her in such 
a way, then reduce the knowledge of it to nothing more than a 
willingness to absorb some spiritual mumbo-jumbo.  This Scully 
can't, won't see the truth... this Scully is somebody I don't 
know.  And if I don't save her now, she will be as lost as those 
five women who stumble after Guru Asshole on their hands and 
knees, drugged to their eyeballs and so far gone from their true 
selves that an army of rescuers couldn't return them to their 
comfort zone.  If I don't get her the hell out of here, I will 
lose her.  I refuse to admit to myself that in some vital way I 
have already lost her... the words we threw in each other's faces 
ping around my aching head as I find myself curling into a 
self-protective ball, rain still drenching me:

"...there's no way in Hell I'm leaving you behind when I go."  
She just looked at me as if I'd lost my mind; shook off my hand 
as if she found the touch of me repugnant.  Looking hard into my 
face, Scully must have figured a different approach would fare 
her better, for she tried to smile reassuringly at me; took a 
step closer and peered up into my face.

"Mulder... listen to me.  I am not going back.  I've made a 
decision, a commitment, to this way of life and I intend to honor 
it.  Material possessions mean nothing to me now - if I had to 
wear one of those damn G-woman suits for one more day I would 
suffocate!  For the first time in my life I feel really free - 
for the first time I know exactly what I want and how to go about 
getting it."

"Mulder, what you thought you saw, between me and Guru Yidah - 
you had to be mistaken.  He is my mentor, my teacher - he would 
never harm me or take advantage of me!  That is not his way; 
besides why would he need me in that way when he has five 
beautiful women to satisfy his needs, plus a stunning wife..."  
My hand over her mouth stopped her words - honest to God if I had 
to listen to one more of that bastard's lies coming from her lips 
I could not be held accountable for my actions.  Her eyes got big 
and round as I held her, gagged; I could feel the fury whipping 
up inside me again, a storm to overtake the real one brewing all 
around us.  I'd had it, quite literally.  I couldn't prove it to 
her with words, obviously... maybe she'd hear me if I showed her. 
 I grasped her around the waist with my free hand and jerked her 
to me so hard she choked on her own breath.  

"Shut the fuck up, Scully... shut up or, so help me Christ, I'm 
gonna hurt you.  I am telling you for the last time - YOU WERE 
DRUGGED!  Out of your mind comatose-stoned-zombie-drugged.  He 
could have fucked you with the Washington Monument between those 
pale thighs of yours, and you would not have felt a thing.  You 
were so limp I thought you were dead; so deep into it you were 
barely breathing.  You call that Tantra business-as-usual?  I 
don't think so!  You want a little demonstration of what I'd 
stake my life he was doing?  Fine, I'd be happy to oblige!"  

I was out of control at that moment, far worse than I'd been up 
to that point, and I knew I was scaring her... but I had to make 
her see.  I was fighting for not only her life, but mine as well. 
I yanked at her robe, throwing the sash to the ground, flicked 
the silky material open and without any warning thrust two 
fingers into her, growling against her ear, "He had oil on his 
fingers, dripping off his arms... if a man other than me shoved 
his hands into you like this, what would you do, hmmm?"  She 
squirmed, trying to loosen my grip, but I hung on.  I bent her 
upper body backwards until her little nipples were pointing to 
the clouds, and covered one with my mouth, teeth nipping and 
tongue stabbing at the creamy skin.  She moaned and gasped as I 
ground out against her breast, "What about this, Scully?  Think 
you could stand to have someone else's mouth on you, teeth biting 
you... now that your breasts have felt my touch?"  I could hear 
her crying but I ignored her tears, her shock, as I nipped and 
licked a trail of fire down her smooth body to the juncture of 
her thighs; my knees hit the dirt as I pulled her hips flush 
against my face and  buried my lips deep into her curls, laving 
her wet silk with my tongue for several minutes before I lifted 
my head and my eyes burned up into her tear-streaked face.

"What about this, huh?  Does it feel like love to you - or does 
it feel like rape?  Tell me, baby... in a drugged state of no 
return, how could you tell the difference?  What constitutes 
awakening of the spirit, versus just plain old molestation?  
Because that's what that bastard did to you, Scully - he molested 
you, raped you.  He raped you of your right to choose whether or 
not you really wanted that level of his rotten little lessons... 
he took away your right to say 'no'.  It's a great word, Scully - 
and the ability to choose to say it represents the difference 
between sex, and forcible rape.  Say it, Scully- say 'no' to 
me... make me stop doing this to you.  Tell me you don't want to 
be taken this way, with anger instead of tenderness; with me 
bending you to my will instead of our mutually seeking the Tantra 
for ourselves with no drugs and nothing more than our desire to 
learn.  Go ahead, say it!  See what happens when you do..."  And 
I buried my mouth again, pushing my tongue inside, treating her 
roughly, my stubbled cheeks braising her delicate skin, until she 
shuddered and pushed at my face and cried out to me.

"NO!  NO, MULDER, PLEASE!  No..." She was sobbing in my arms and 
I held her tenderly, for as soon as I heard that first 'No', I 
stopped.  I held her a moment longer, pressing soft soothing 
kisses over her wet face, before I let her go; stepped back, away 
from her, and spoke in a thick, tear-roughened voice.

"You think about it, Scully... think long and hard about what you 
just felt.  'Cause I am telling you that's what went down just a 
few hours ago in the Guru's little harem-room... I'm telling you 
the truth.  I'm going to go find Madhu now, and see if there's 
anything she can tell me about those missing men.  You think 
about this..."  And I turned back to the clearing.


A little later, Madhu finds me, there on the ground, slumped 
against the trunk of a withered palmetto; a fitting spot for me 
to lean, I suppose... I'm feeling pretty withered myself.  I'm 
staring at the ground, yet seeing nothing except the images 
within my mind; picturing the shattered look on Scully's face 
after I had pushed her away from me... after I humiliated and 
debased her, yet again.  Jesus - will I never learn?  I could 
have found a more gentle way to convince her.  But then, if I had 
- I probably would have had no success at getting through to her. 
 Not that my little performance made much of an impression, other 
than scaring the shit out of her...

A gentle hand on my shoulder shakes me from my despairing 
reverie, and I look up through blurry eyes, to see Madhu staring 
down at me, a look of concern in her soft eyes.  A half-smile 
forms on my lips, and I grasp her hand and pull her down  next to 
me on the mossy sand, then stare out at the rolling surf.  I have 
to ask Madhu for help; the sort of help which could put her into 
possible danger should her bastard husband find out.  But I must 
get Scully off this goddamn island before she becomes so deeply 
influenced by the drugs and the guru's line of bullshit that she 
never surfaces.  I turn to Madhu and lock her gaze with mine.

"Madhu, you know the truth about your husband's practices, don't 
you?  You know what he does to the women who receive his 
'special' attention; women like the ones in his harem."  Madhu 
lowers her head, letting her black hair slip over her face, 
hiding from me.  Uh-uh, Madhu - I don't think so.  I slip my hand 
underneath  her chin and force her to meet my gaze;  I hate 
having to do this to her but I have no choice.

"Madhu, please... help us.  I have got to get Dana off this 
island; you and I both know what's gonna happen if I don't.  Dana 
will end up a virtual slave of your husband, kept permanently 
drugged and used by him until there's nothing left - until she's 
all used up.  You can't deny that's how he gets his harem, now 
can you?  I'm not blind; I've been watching closely while I've 
pretended to study the Tantra.  You know how he operates, and 
there has to be a way to catch him out, some sort of proof.  
There are five men missing; the mates of those women your husband 
keeps drugged and at his side constantly.  I don't want Dana to 
become the sixth..."

"Please, Madhu - is there anything you can tell me, show me?  
Anything at all..."  Taking both her hands in mine, I plead with 
her, almost on my knees before her; I know she's probably the 
only sympathetic ear I will find on this fucking island.

She's silent for the longest time, eyes fastened unseeingly upon 
the horizon, a glaze of tears shimmering in them; until they fill 
to overflowing and slip down her pale cheeks like chips of glass. 
 She doesn't bother to wipe them away, and I refuse to let go of 
her hands, anyhow.  Finally she turns to me, the silent tears 
still falling.  She meets my intense stare head-on, and manages 
the tiniest of smiles, aimed right at my sore heart.  "Saiid 
Fox... years ago I believed that someday I would meet a man such 
as you, and he would sweep me off my feet and carry me away to a 
happy life.  Young and gullible as I was, I truly believed Yidah 
to be my savior, my true soul-mate.  And for years after we 
married I told myself he was - even though I knew early on the 
sort of man I had married."

"Your depth of love for Dana warms me, even as it humbles me, and 
it also makes me fiercely envious - for I know I shall never find 
that measure of love as long as I am with the man I married.  
More and more lately, I have been wondering just how much I can 
continue to endure, of this way of life.  I now answer my 
questions with a very firm, 'No more'... so, Saiid Fox, yes - I 
will help you... I will.  Tell me what you need me to do, and I 
will do it."  

The immense relief I feel as she agrees to help me breaks me out 
in the looniest of smiles, as I tug on her hands until she is 
pressed against me, and I give her an enormous hug, whispering 
into her hair, "Thank you, Madhu - from my heart.  You will be 
coming with us, won't you?  Please, we want to help you.  A new 
start - we can give that to you.  Please, let us repay you..."  
Madhu nods against my chest, and raises her head, wiping the last 
vestiges of tears.  

"I will go with you - and I think I know of something you can use 
against my husband - something which can be of great help to you. 
I can bring it to you, but not now - not until later, when my 
husband is otherwise... occupied."  The sudden flare of anger and 
pain her words invoke sweeps across my face and she blanches and 
shakes her head vigorously, laying a restraining hand upon my 
tense arm.  "No, No... not that!  It will not be that, I promise 
you... he has a session with three other couples.  Please, do not 
worry!  I must go now; he will be wondering where I am.  I will 
meet you at the lagoon later tonight when it gets dark.  Tonight, 
Saiid - please try not to worry."  She rises gracefully, and 
touches her fingers to her head and heart, then turns and moves 
toward the main hut.  And I find myself childishly crossing my 
fingers... worried and hopeful all at once.  

I lean against the tree, watching Madhu disappear into the main 
hut.  I wonder just how strong this delicate, gentle woman really 
is.  Sheltered, to be sure; yet faced with the harsh side of life 
at an early age - obviously educated, and intelligent - but 
charmingly naive.  Taken advantage of from a young age, to be 
sure - and I can only hope that the resentment and hurt she has 
been feeling, the continuous betrayal and humiliation experienced 
at the hands of her husband will be enough to sustain her when it 
comes time to leave.  I flip the wet hair out of my eyes and head 
toward our shelter, for the first time noticing the rain has 
turned chilly. Guess I was too preoccupied to feel the cold 
earlier.  Little wonder - my anger and worry could have set off 
fireworks at fifty paces.  

I reach the shelter and sink down upon our sleep-mat, finding a 
semi-clean towel to dry off my hair.  Cleanliness is not a big 
issue on the island, I had discovered; with no running water 
bathing had been rather inconvenient.  Behind the main hut is a 
long shelter blocked off with cloth curtains; broken into five 
cubicles, each housing a metal tub and a small portable commode. 
 To have a bath requires  toting the water from the lagoon and 
filling the tubs.  We discovered that towels are hand-washed once 
a week, and couples are expected to share their towels with each 
other... luckily Scully and I aren't squeamish about that sort of 
thing.  We've even gotten to the point where one of us can be 
bathing in a cubicle while the other, well... does other 
things... in the same cubicle, if necessary.  Love does that to 
you, I guess - at least, love did that to Scully and me.  

I drop the towel into a rattan basket at the edge of our mat, and 
sit staring out at the drizzling rain.  Love has done a lot of 
miraculous things to us - things I never in my wildest dreams 
thought would happen to me. Having now achieved it, I refuse to 
let it slip from my grasp.  The crushing guilt I try not to feel 
is suddenly overwhelming me, and I feel myself sinking into yet 
another spiral of despair.  I can't help but blame myself for the 
predicament in which I find ourselves; maybe if I hadn't agreed 
to this case in the first place... I mean, I could have refused 
it; as Senior Agent I always have a choice.  But no, I was 
fascinated and intrigued by it, just had to dive right in; seeing 
it as a chance to get closer to Scully; to have some time away, 
even though we were investigating.  And now, look at the mess 
we're in.  I don't even know if I can get Scully back; bring her 
aground from whatever drug-soaked cloud she's floating upon; 
seems like I make matters worse every time I come near her.  God, 
if I don't watch out I'll end up pushing her away forever - 
straight into the arms of a true predator. 

So I sit, and wait for Scully to return - wanting to go find her 
but afraid of what I'll find if I do.  I have got to be careful; 
have got to remember that from now on most of what comes out of 
her mouth will be drug-induced... and all of what I say to her 
could very likely be repeated to Yidah.  Jesus, I just realized - 
I can't say a word to her about my inheritance!  I was going to 
tell her, even though I still have not been able to completely 
reconcile myself to being that unbelievingly rich.  I was looking 
forward to sharing the news with her... but not now, no way.  Not 
as long as she's under the influence; not as long as I can't 
trust her to be discreet.  

Ah shit, it's breaking me apart - the fact that I can't trust 
her.  The pain of just that is bursting inside of me, and I find 
myself rolling into a ball of agony, trying to make myself so 
small that the pain won't be able to find me... moaning aloud 
when it does, with unerring precision.

Scully, please... make it stop... make it stop hurting.  
Please...

~~~~~~

CHAPTER 19


It's dark before I find the courage to venture back to camp.  
There's a steady rain falling now, but the winds have died back 
considerably.  I'm drenched to the skin, but couldn't care less. 
 After spending the last few hours sitting in the forest 
reflecting on the fight Mulder and I had, I'm fairly certain 
we've made a terrible mistake in ever giving in to our passions 
and believing we stood a chance at finding happiness together.  I 
wanted him so badly that I convinced myself it was possible.  But 
I knew better.  I did.  That's why I resisted it for so long.  
The tears I thought had finally subsided, begin spilling over my 
cheeks again as I walk back passed the main hut.  Master Yidah is 
meditating by the front door.  I don't see him, but he calls to 
me as I pass.

"Dana?"  When I turn around, he gets to his feet and comes over 
to me, leaving the dry overhang of the thatch roof to stand with 
me in the pouring rain.  "My dear, I've been worried about you."

It's difficult to face him after the day's events, even though I 
have no idea what actually occurred.  "I'm fine, Master Yidah."

"Oh, I am afraid far from it.  The light is dim, but I am certain 
it is more than just rain wetting your lovely face."

"I... I had a fight with Mulder."

"No doubt.  The man was out of control this afternoon when he 
interrupted the Awakening ritual and accused me of impropriety." 
 It's said without malice, an observation rather than a judgment.

How could Mulder see this man as anything but good?  "I apologize 
for his behavior."

"Please... there is no need.  I understand completely why a man 
would have jealousy in his heart when his woman is one as 
beautiful as you.  I only wish I had been able to explain to him 
that things were not as he believed."  He puts his hand on my 
shoulder, looking into my eyes and assuring me of his intentions. 
 "I would never take advantage of my position as your mentor, 
Dana.  I was merely performing the ritual as the Kama Sutra 
prescribes.  It disturbs me deeply that you were taken from me 
before the Awakening could be achieved.  I warned Mr. Mulder that 
interrupting the process put you at considerable risk, but that 
didn't seem to concern him." 

"I'm all right, really."

"Please, come inside, there are things we must discuss."  He 
extends a hand to me, and after a brief consideration, the 
thought of going inside the main hut, the peacefulness I have 
always found there, the tea that I'm certain will be offered, 
Master Yidah's comforting words to soothe me... I take his hand 
and let him lead me inside.

The fire room is attended only by Manu, who, as expected, is 
ready with the tea the moment we sit down... Guru Yidah in his 
chair, I, his devoted student, kneeling comfortably at his feet. 
 For several minutes we do not speak, Master Yidah prefers to 
regard me silently as I greedily consume the lukewarm beverage.  
Manu graciously refilling my cup each time it is empty.  The 
Tagara smoke is thick tonight, the windows having been covered to 
keep out the driving rain.  I think I am finally gaining a 
tolerance for the intoxicating combination of smoke and tea, for 
I am able to remained focused as Master Yidah begins, at last, to 
speak.

"I am troubled, Dana," he tells me with a heavy sigh.    
"Concerned that your spiritual partner is not ready for the 
Tantra.  You have made the commitment, but I do not see him as 
being prepared to do the same."  I feel my heart sinking at his 
words, my own worst fears confirmed by someone whose life's 
calling is understanding the intricacies of personal 
relationships.  "In fact, I question his commitment to YOU as 
well.  My wife tells me he has propositioned her, and I have seen 
for myself the way he looks upon Madhu with the eyes of a 
would-be lover.  Perhaps he is so suspicious of my intent because 
his own heart is less than pure."

Suddenly I wish I was still under the influence of Master Yidah's 
powerful Awakening potion, blissfully ignorant of everything 
around me.  I had suspicions that Mulder's interest in the Guru's 
wife went beyond his normal flirtatiousness.  Yet I never allowed 
myself to go so far as to imagine he would actually have the gall 
to proposition her.  Would he betray me so casually, after only 
such a brief time as we have been lovers?  It hurts too much to 
think that he is capable of something so callous where I am 
concerned.  Perhaps Madhu misunderstood his playful nature.  I 
will let myself believe that because I cannot bear the thought of 
Mulder's disloyalty.  "Your wife is a very attractive woman, but 
I'm sure she's faithful to you."

"Oh, I have no doubt of my Madhu's fidelity.  And the only reason 
I mention it to you at all is because love is a crucial element 
in Tantric practices.  Are you certain that what you seek is 
offered by the man you have chosen to couple with?  If Krishna 
takes you only as a possession, and not as his Goddess Radah, you 
will not be able to attain Nirvana.  Samadhi cannot be found 
within a spiritual union that lacks love.  You cannot unite with 
the universe if your energies do not flow together.  I see his 
jealousy as a destructive force in your relationship.  He perhaps 
fears his own worthiness as your lover, this leads to anger and 
resentment.  Causes him to feel the need to take other women as 
an assurance of his sexual prowess.  Such negativity as this 
cannot bring about the Awakening."

My desperation is suffocating me.  And this man who sits before 
me speaking with fatherly concern is the only one I can turn to 
for assistance now.  He's the only one I can really trust 
anymore.  "Please help me, Master Yidah.  Tell me what I can do 
to change things.  I'm afraid I've made a terrible mistake, but 
the thought of losing him... I just don't know what I'd do 
without Mulder."

The Guru nods in sympathy.  "You must be certain that he is 
convinced of your love, Dana.  And he must prove his commitment 
to you.  If he agrees to join you in your journey to 
enlightenment, giving up his possessions as a pledge and covenant 
testifying to his love for you... this will bring you the oneness 
which you seek.  This is the only thing that can solidify the 
bond between your psychic consciousness and his.  You must 
persuade him, Dana, or you must let him go."

The thought that all is not yet lost, that there is some action I 
can take to prevent my world from crashing to an end, lifts me 
from the depths of my sadness and encourages me to seek out 
Mulder and do everything I can to persuade him that this place, 
this life, is what we both need.  "Thank you, Master Yidah.  I 
will find a way to make Mulder see the truth.  You are very kind 
to council us after what happened today." 

A warm smile is given by this very wise and understanding man.  I 
don't know what exactly happened when Mulder confronted him, but 
I'm fairly certain that the marks on Guru Yidah's neck would 
match the hand prints of my hot tempered partner.

There is no further conversation between us, and I leave the hut 
hoping that I will find Mulder back at our shelter.  The rain has 
let up somewhat, or perhaps I'm just not as aware of it's 
presence as I make my way purposefully toward the tiny lean to 
that has become our home.  Mulder is there.  He sees me 
approaching but makes no attempt to meet me, busying himself with 
one of the tie downs on the grass mat blinds that offer 
protection from the elements and a modicum of privacy from the 
others living on the island.  His body language suggests he is 
still angry with me, but I know that this conversation can't 
wait.  

It is not until I am standing just inches from him that he 
acknowledges me in a cool and measured tone.  "Finally decide to 
come back, did you?"  He turns and looks into my face, something 
he finds there displeases him and I see him struggling with his 
anger once again.  "I see you recreated a bit before you found 
your way home."

"I was seeking advice from Master Yidah," I tell him honestly.

A laugh of disbelief and a plea skyward is the reaction I 
receive.  "Jesus!  Didn't I get through to you at all today?  
After what the son of a bitch did to you, you'd go running back 
to him for advice?"  He grabs both my arms and grips them hard, 
his fingers digging into me.  "I want you to stay away from him, 
Scully, do you hear me?  He fills your head with lies!  I don't 
want him anywhere near you!" 

"Mulder, please... you're hurting me."  He looks down at his 
hands as if he doesn't even realize what he's doing, then relaxes 
his hold and gently massages away his brutality.

"I'm sorry.  I didn't mean to... Sorry."

"It's okay."  I wrap my arms around his waist, resting my head 
against his chest, listening to his rapidly beating heart.  After 
the briefest hesitation, he welcomes me, enfolding me in his 
embrace and kissing the top of my head.  "You know I love you, 
don't you, Mulder?"

"Yeah," he whispers into my hair.  I can feel his body starting 
to relax.  A fraction of the day's tension slipping away as I 
hold him close.

"And I believe that you really love me.  I do... But believing 
and knowing are two different things."

He tries to push back from me, but I refuse to let go.  "What the 
hell does that mean?  You want me to prove myself to you?"

"A covenant.  A commitment, Mulder.  That's what I'm asking."

Looking up at him I can see the confusion shadowing his handsome 
face.  "Are you talking about marriage, Scully?  If that's what 
you want..."

"No."  I cut him off quickly, afraid to hear what he was about to 
say.  "I'm sorry.  I'm not being very clear, am I?"

"I'll do anything to prove my love to you."

Oh, I hope so.  I really do.  "Then take the path to 
enlightenment with me.  Commit yourself completely to the Tantra. 
 Give up your material possessions and explore the spiritual 
realm with me.  We will find our Nirvana, Mulder... together, me 
and you."

He winces.  "Scully... baby, that's not you talking.  Christ, 
it's frightening what he's done to you.  How quickly he's taken 
over your mind.  It's scaring the shit out of me, seeing you like 
this.  I've got to get you away from here, away from HIM, before 
it's too late."

"You won't stay with me?  You won't make the commitment I've 
asked of you?"

There is pain cutting into the outline of his face, even the soft 
glow of torchlight can't disguise it.  "I can't."

The quickness of his denial is disheartening, but my 
determination is resolute.  "Please, Mulder... for me?"  And as I 
plead with him, my hands slip beneath his robe and I run my 
fingers over his lean hips, feeling the muscles twitch in his 
thighs as I gently tease him, bringing my hands near, but never 
touching the erection that's been announcing itself quite 
prominently against my belly since he first took me into his 
arms.

"Oh, God..."  He hisses, shuddering at the contact.

"I promise you, if you stay here with me... if you make the 
commitment as I have, you won't regret for one minute your 
decision.  I'll make it worth it, Mulder.  I swear to  you."  And 
then I slowly sink to my knees, opening his robe as I go down, 
coming to worship him as the Kama Sutra instructs.  My hands 
slide together around the Lingam of my Lord Shiva and I take him 
into my mouth, a Goddess offering pleasure to her God, performing 
the rite of Auparishtaka... determined to give Mulder a blow job 
so fucking incredible, he won't even remember how to say no.

~~~~~~   

My hands are twisted in her hair and hanging on for dear life.  
Every muscle in my body is tight, as if someone has strung me on 
a rack and just keeps cranking the wheel... I throw my head back 
and fight for every gasping breath...

Jesus, it's my dream all over again - the dream that turned out 
to be reality; only this time I'm awake and Scully is kneeling in 
front of me, her small hands holding my ass tightly and her 
mouth... God, what her mouth is doing to me has to be against the 
law in at least twenty states.  I'm in so deep, deeper than she 
has ever taken me - deeper than anyone has ever taken me.  I 
don't understand how she can take me so...

Oh, Christ!

Is she... yeah, she is, God help me...  she's swallowing my 
burning length inch by slow inch; I don't fucking believe this.  
I can feel her throat working as I slide in; can hear her 
breathing carefully through her nose, easing me down past her 
teeth, past her tonsils.  I am all the way in; all ten inches and 
she's still swallowing me down; there's nothing left of me to 
take in except for my -

Oh. My. Freakin'. Christ.

My balls... they're in her mouth.  I can't comprehend this; it's 
not possible.  I stare down at her bright head in utter shock, 
unable to breathe; can't move; frozen in time and place as she 
gently rolls my balls around in her cheeks.  There is no blood 
left in my head; all of it has flown south for the duration of 
the most astounding blow job I have ever received in this life 
and any past lives.  And I remember the orgy we witnessed just a 
few days ago; how one of Yidah's women did this to him, as we 
watched; how we both got so hot watching it happen, how I 
couldn't help wondering how something like that would feel.  And 
now I know...

Now I know.  Jesus, I know.  Her throat ripples up and down the 
length of my cock, and her tongue strokes along the sensitive 
underside as she works me.  My balls are on absolute fire; I 
can't possibly  hold on for much longer; nothing I have ever felt 
could have prepared me for the searing good of this; nothing 
could ever feel better than this...

...Until I feel her slip an index finger inside me, crook it just 
a little, and begin to rub at me.  And that tiny move does it for 
me; that small wiggle does me in, as my knees lock and my 
breathing stops and my entire body clenches tight and my eyes 
once again roll back in my head... and my cock bursts into living 
flame inside her dainty throat.  She won't release me; she holds 
me tightly within her wet warmth as I gasp and groan and shudder 
my cry of release into the damp air; as she finally lets me slip 
from her mouth, I sink to my knees before her in a heap of 
rubbery arms and legs.  I lay there, dazed and just about 
unconscious; unable to do any more than take in huge gulps of 
oxygen. After a minute, I feel her curl against me, and I raise a 
still-swimming head up enough to see her looking at me with 
heavy-lidded eyes, lips impossibly swollen and ruby red, still 
glistening - stunning... she looks stunning.  And she smiles at 
me, and presses small wet kisses over my chest, and whispers to 
me softly - and as her words register in my fuddled brain, I 
realize two things simultaneously:

Scully hasn't given up the ghost, not one bit - and I've been 
very thoroughly had...


"All for you, Mulder... so much I can do for you, to you - all 
you have to do is promise me you'll stay here with me, and make a 
serious effort to learn from Master Yidah.  That's all, my 
love... that's not so hard to do, is it?  When the rewards are so 
great?"  She holds my shocked stare with hers, eyes pleading, 
dark with residual passion - dilated with residual tea.  "Mulder, 
please... stay here with me. Stay with me and Master Yidah..."  

Oh, God.  I somehow find the strength to wiggle out from under 
her, to scramble away from this sensuous, seductive stranger with 
Scully's hair and Scully's beautiful body... but not her eyes, 
Jesus save me... and not her voice.  Not her... not my Scully.  I 
don't know this woman -

I am beginning to wonder if I ever did.



"Where did you learn how to do that, Scully?  Better yet... who 
taught you?"  I'm falling into a deep abyss, I can feel it - but 
I hang onto just enough of my sanity to ask questions to which 
the answers may very well kill me.  Several feet away from where 
I am sitting, Scully is still on her knees on the mat, rounded 
eyes registering the impact of my words, mouth still swollen from 
her little 'workout'.  It's taking every ounce of strength left 
in my body not to go to her, wind myself around her and vow never 
to leave again - but I can't.  I won't - this isn't the woman I 
love beyond all reason.  She's in there somewhere, hiding behind 
the Tagara and the tea and Guru Asshole's latest poisoning 
session... and she's screaming to get out, I swear I can hear 
her.  I have got to break through even if it means I break 
Scully's heart first.  I steel myself to do just that as I ask 
the question again.  "Tell me, goddammit!  Where did you learn 
that little swallowing trick!"

"Does it matter?"  That soft, reasonable little voice - it slices 
along my nerve endings and makes a beeline for my heart.  Shit.  
I look at her - and suddenly all I see is the woman who ceased to 
be identifiable as Scully, ever since we hit this damn island - 
and who is now just "Dana". And I am beside myself; beyond the 
pale and sane, as I stare at her.

"Hell yes, it matters!!  I want to know, 'Dana' - I want to know 
just how far this groupie routine has taken you - I want to know 
just how deep that asshole has his claws into you.  I want to 
know if there's anything left in there, of the Scully who told me 
she loved me beyond life itself, just ten short days ago, on 
Abaco.  That Scully - the one who wasn't stoned out of her gills 
on green shit tea and stoked to the max on fucking Tagara smoke. 
The one who held me and kissed me and told me she'd never let 
anyone or anything come between us... who took me places I've 
never dreamed of going and who re-affirmed her commitment to me 
with every moan she sent into my heart when I was deep inside 
her, deep in the night.

"I want to see her, Dana - I want to see Scully.  Why don't you 
let her come out and play?  Let Scully come out and face me and 
tell me everything's 'fine'?  That all she wants is for me to 
remain on this damned island and sign away all my earthly 
possessions and drink lots of tea and let Guru Jerkwad do 
anything to us he damn well pleases!"  I find myself crawling on 
my hands and knees as I speak; crawling toward this familiar 
stranger - and her eyes are huge now, and she's the one 
scrambling away from me, body skittering across the mat, unable 
to get a decent foothold as I catch one of her feet and tug hard 
on it, pulling her to me.  "Scully, baby, you in there?  It's 
Mulder... you know, Mulder; the one you 'Goddamn-to-hell' love... 
you better get out here, Dana's about to put an end to your 
existence as we both know it - all she needs is one more sip of 
shit tea and another 'hands-on' oil session with Guru 'Fuck-me'!" 
 As those words leave my mouth, she lets out a howl of rage, and 
kicks at my hand until I let go of her foot; her little hand 
flies up and slaps my face, hard.  I feel my head snap back as 
the pain of her palm connects with more than my cheek; and I rock 
back on my heels, hurt and stunned, as she hisses at me.

"THAT'S ENOUGH, MULDER!  How DARE you!  Who do you think you're 
talking to?  Whatever you may be thinking about this situation, I 
don't deserve this from you!  We made promises to each other; I 
remember them well!  Deep in that 'night' as you put it... I 
remember!  We promised to explore our feelings and embrace the 
Tantra that night; we promised to open up our hearts and our 
minds to extreme possibilities - maybe we didn't exactly say the 
words to each other but that's what our bodies were saying... you 
promised to try; hell, I knew you were skeptical!  But you 
promised... and as far as I am concerned you broke it big-time.  
You've resisted Master Yidah from Day one; calling him 'Yoda' and 
'Yodel'; not taking the lessons seriously; not taking anything 
seriously!  Dammit, Mulder, this is our future I'm talking about 
- and all you can worry about is how many times the Master has 
touched me; how he might have put a hand in an inappropriate spot 
on my body."

"Well, let me tell you something, 'Baby'... at this point I think 
I'd rather feel his tender touch than your condemnation and 
derision!  Your utter disregard for my need to take our 
relationship to another plane has me convinced that this was 
doomed from the start.  I wanted us to find Nirvana together, 
Mulder - and if you take me only as a possession, and not as your 
Goddess Radah, we will not be able to attain Nirvana.  Samadhi 
cannot be found within a spiritual union that lacks love.  We 
cannot unite with the universe if our energies do not flow 
together..."

My God.  The words I am hearing - she's channeling that bastard! 
 I cannot believe this.  I scramble to my feet while she's still 
yammering on about jealousy and oneness and Awakening; her voice 
peters out as she finally notices that I'm standing over her with 
blazing eyes and clenched fists. She shrinks back a bit; this 
Scully is scared.  Good.  She ought to be.

"I've HAD it, 'Dana' - I'm outta here.  If I stay one more second 
and hear one more word out of your mouth that I know came 
straight from your goddamn guru, I won't be able to control 
myself.  I am NOT taking this shit any further - and I am NOT 
signing over a damned thing.  Get that straight in your head now 
- report it back to your 'teacher' as well, if you feel the 
need."

"I'm going to meet with Madhu and find out what she has for me." 
 And at the mention of Madhu's name, Dana's momentary 
fright-paralysis dissipates and she's on her feet facing me - and 
through her flaming anger and snapping blue eyes I see my Scully 
begging to come out and it almost weakens me and sends me to my 
knees in front of her... almost.  But the words she spits at me 
reek of tea... and that cements my feet to the ground and keeps 
my legs from buckling under me.

"Madhu, huh?  I knew it!  No surprise there, I guess - master 
Yidah was right!  Yes, you go on, Mulder - go to your precious 
Madhu!  Now that I've taken the edge off your lust, go ahead and 
go to her!  I'm sure she can handle what little I've left 
behind... I'm sure she'll like it JUST FINE!!"  She screams the 
last few words into my face, then turns and runs off in the 
direction of the wet beach. And I am too weary, and heartsick, to 
wonder at this moment why this Scully is suddenly so jealous of 
Madhu - or to wonder who got her that way.  I yank on my robe and 
pull the sash tight, then go over to the main hut to demand some 
of my clothes, before I head to the lagoon, to meet Madhu in the 
darkening dusk.

If I have to wear this robe one more day, I'm gonna lose it even 
more than I have already.

~~~~~~


CHAPTER 20


Wind once more driving the rain, the temperature having cooled 
considerably.  My soaked robe is plastered to my body, clinging 
like a second skin as I fight to take each step, chilled and 
shivering, wandering aimlessly along the sands in the face of the 
tropical storm.   

Alone...

I am completely alone.  On the beach, just as in life, with no 
one to ease the pain that's threatening to swallow me up just 
like the surging tide.  I've been walking the shoreline for what 
must be the better part of an hour, barely able to see through 
the darkness of this tempestuous night.  Contemplating the 
thought of flinging myself into the raging surf, ending this 
endless waking nightmare that I call my life.  But it's an 
exercise in futility.  I couldn't... wouldn't ever do such a 
selfish thing.  Mulder would be devastated to find my body washed 
up limp and lifeless on the sand, or if I went missing, he'd be 
left to wonder for the rest of his life... I couldn't do that to 
him, I couldn't... no matter how cruelly he's treated me.  But in 
this moment of self-pity, I allow myself to wallow in the belief 
that there's a way out of it all.  An escape from the pain that 
is tearing at my heart.  I fantasize my end, looking into the 
black and foamy ocean, wondering at the peacefulness just below 
the surface.  Picturing myself sinking deep into the comforting 
bosom of the sea, never to return.

I've lost him.

I am as sure of that as I have ever been of anything in my sad, 
pathetic excuse for a life.  The way he looked at me, with such 
complete and utter disdain.  Like he was sickened by the sight of 
me.  It's as Master Yidah said, Mulder's jealousy has destroyed 
the bond that once existed between us.  He has turned from me, to 
the arms of another woman, to prove himself.  He cannot accept my 
love because he cannot return it.  Having possessed me, he is all 
too soon ready to cast me aside.  

Master Yidah said I had to let him go if I couldn't win a 
commitment from him.  And Mulder made it abundantly clear that he 
has no intention of continuing on this path with me.  He stated, 
in no uncertain terms, that he would not sign away his material 
life for a spiritual one with me.  My choices are few if not 
simple.  I can leave Mohona, return to... to nothing... no money, 
no possessions, no career most likely after Agent Mulder turns me 
in for a psych evaluation... a lonely life without my best friend 
and partner at my side.  Or I can stay here, where my needs are 
tended to, where my only responsibility is to seek the truth 
within myself, where I will be guided and nurtured by a wise and 
kindhearted guru to achieve Awakening with the universe and find 
my inner peace... where I can hide from everyone and everything, 
including myself.  Either way, Mulder won't be a part of my life 
anymore.  I have accepted that.  It's really not much of a 
decision.  Mohona is all I have left.

And so I put my back to the bitter wind, determined to return and 
face the cold reality of Mulder's rejection and my new life as 
one of the disciples of Master Yidah.  


Just as I come back into the warm light of our makeshift village, 
I see Mulder exiting the main hut.  He's no longer wearing the 
clothing given to us by the church.  He's wearing his own jeans 
and button front shirt, looking like a tourist in a foreign land. 
 He spots me immediately and rushes over to me, breathing hard, 
an anxious frown worrying his face.

"Jesus, Scully, there you are!  I was looking all over for you." 
 He tries to embrace me, but I put out a hand to stop him.  
"Scully, let's get you into some dry clothes, then we need to 
talk.  We've got trouble."

"What?"  The apathy with which I ask the question is plainly 
clear to both of us.  

He pulls me out of the rain, over by one of the storage huts.  
"Scully, Madhu never showed.  She was supposed to meet me by the 
lagoon tonight.  Jesus, you're freezing..."  He brushes away the 
wet strands of hair that cling to my cheeks, a tender gesture 
that at one time would have touched me deeply, but now only fills 
me with sorrow.

"I'm sorry your girlfriend stood you up, Mulder.  But I don't see 
as that's my problem, so if you don't mind... "  I pull away from 
him, intending to go to the main hut and meditate by the warmth 
of the fire, drink a little tea, lose myself in the Tagara for a 
while.  But he has a vice grip on my arm.

"Scully!  She's gone!  Don't you understand?"  He stops himself 
and then continues in hushed urgency.  "She was supposed to meet 
me and give me information that would implicate Masterbaetmi in 
the disappearances of the five remaining cult members.  And now 
she's gone.  I checked all over the camp, as much as I could 
around the lagoon... as soon as the damn storm lets up I'm going 
to search the rest of the island.  I think your Guru-man may have 
done something to her."

"ENOUGH!!!  I'M NOT GOING TO LISTEN TO ANOTHER WORD OF THIS!" I 
scream at him, covering my ears like a child.

"Damn it, Scully, I need you with me on this.  I need you, 
Scully... please."

"Leave me alone, Mulder!  If you want to leave Mohona, then go!  
I'm not stopping you!  Just leave me alone!  I'm no longer a part 
of your 'investigation'.   You dropped me from the case if you 
recall.  But since we're here, let's take this one step further, 
shall we?  Agent Mulder, you can consider this my resignation 
from the Bureau.  As of this moment, I am no longer an employee 
of the FBI.  Our partnership is over, Agent Mulder.  You'll have 
to find someone else to live in your shadow!"  And with those 
cutting words, I break free of his hold on me and make a run for 
the main hut.

He calls after me, "If it's the last thing I do, Scully, I'm 
going to prove to you that I'm right on this one!"


~~~~~~


I can't ever remember hurting this much - not when I lost 
Samantha, and not when my mother died.  Watching Scully turn her 
back on me and take off for that damned hut was the worst.  I 
could have gotten past all the harsh words and the fury; the 
disbelief and mistrust on both our sides - but something about 
the set of her shoulders in that drenched robe... the stiff lock 
of them, and the hunch of defeat I can't help but see - this 
shreds me from deep inside.  I stand in the driving rain with my 
now-wet shirt clinging to me like an icy second skin and my jeans 
growing heavy with rain - and the cold of the storm isn't even 
close to the frost I carry within.  My eyes lock on her small 
figure as she rounds the corner of the main hut and disappears 
through the door - and even with the wind howling around my ears 
I swear I can hear his voice, the Guru-bastard's voice, oozing 
over her, telling her more lies - I can hear it in my head, in a 
place where I can't erase it.  And the strength which had kept my 
body upright through that last awful confrontation with Scully - 
that strength ebbs right out of my legs and I go down, down into 
the wet sand, on my knees.  Cold and in despair, there on an 
island somewhere in the fathomless ocean, which should have been 
our own slice of paradise... but has instead become our personal 
Hell.  

I can't - I WON'T - think of her leaving me, quitting - I won't. 
 The drugs are talking, not Scully.  Guru Anti-Christ is talking 
through her mouth - not Scully.  Somehow I am going to prove it 
to her, and break the insidious hold he has, over her - I will.  

Slowly I get to my feet; shaky fingers brush the clumps of sand 
from my knees.  I decide to go back to our shelter and wait out 
the storm.  I pray that by morning Madhu will have shown up, and 
I can ease my guilty conscience about putting her at risk by 
asking for her help with this case.



After tossing and turning all alone for half the night, worried 
sick about Scully and deeply concerned for Madhu's safety, the 
storm finally lets up enough that there are breaks in the clouds 
and the moon and stars are offering some light to search the 
island by, and I'm gone.  It's the perfect chance to snoop 
around, with everyone asleep.  I head to the lagoon again to see 
if I can find Madhu.  I'm hoping she was only hiding from her 
rotten husband.  Or maybe he was holding her in the back room of 
the main hut, the only place I really couldn't search.  Manu just 
told me that she wasn't there... she wasn't anywhere around that 
camp, that's for damn sure.  I hope to God I can find her before 
it's too late, too late for her... too late for Scully.  I need 
whatever proof Madhu promised me, to make Scully see the truth 
about that phony ass deviant she is so taken in by.  I pray that 
nothing has happened to Madhu; that this awful sinking feeling is 
something other than blind panic. I have to find her, she's the 
only hope I have left.


The lagoon is bloated with rainwater when I get there, the tall 
spiky reeds and grasses surrounding it bent over almost double 
with the weight of the drops.  The wind has died down quite a 
bit, and I am not as cold, as I look all around for Madhu.  It's 
fairly open here, but I know Madhu will prefer to stay out of 
sight - so I  circle the lagoon carefully, looking into 
underbrush and eyeing the palmettos and giant ferns scattered 
over the uneven mossy ground.  Anything could have happened to 
her.  They could be detaining her: those goon assistants of her 
idiot husband, not to mention Idiot himself.  I'm not so stupid 
or na�ve to think he's not suspicious of me.  I only hope he's 
not suspicious of Scully as well, or she will be in even more 
danger than she is at the moment - hell, I can't think of that 
right now!  Find Madhu first, I tell myself - find her, and then 
worry about the rest.

It's getting darker again, the broken moonlight having been 
completely obscured by a patch of heavy clouds; I skirt back 
around the lagoon, in the opposite direction from the huts; this 
path will take me by the altar, but I have to make sure.  I'm 
trying not going to let that damned sinking feeling overtake me - 
everything feels so very wrong - even worse than it felt before. 
 Suddenly I'm in a panic to get to the altar, knowing by some odd 
quirk of intuition that Madhu is there, maybe in some serious 
trouble.  The rain has stopped, but the night is black - and I 
find myself running, slipping on the wet slimy moss, fighting to 
keep my feet.  I reach the tiki rock; it looms in the night, 
barely distinguishable through the now-foggy gloom.  I have to 
feel my way as a cloud passes over the small smattering of stars 
in the sky and I suddenly cannot see a thing.  I feel the sharp 
edge of the altar pedestal; my feet knock over a bowl and it 
rolls down the side of the platform and clanks against a tree.  I 
continue to feel my way, along the smoother altar slab; along the 
wetness of rain-drenched stone...

Into the sticky wetness of something thicker than water - I bring 
my fingers up to my face and squint into the gloom, trying to see 
what I ran my hand through... Oh Christ.

Blood.

My fingers are black with it; thick and slightly gelled blood.  I 
utter a startled grunt and wipe my hand on my jeans, brushing 
over the tiny flashlight I had forgotten I have always carried in 
the coin pocket of my jeans.  It isn't much, but I reach in and 
grab it, flick it on -

And it isn't much, just a tiny penlight but it's enough to 
illuminate the source of that gelled blood, there upon the altar 
in front of a huge tiki in the middle of an island where I 
suddenly find myself uttering more than a strangled grunt...

Madhu.  I found her.  I found what's left of her.  I can't, Jesus 
save me... I can't believe what I'm seeing.  Nothing - in seven 
years of hunting every sort of demon, mutant, dredge of society 
and/or crime-ridden criminal, could have prepared me for what I'm 
seeing, there in the tiny watery beam of my flashlight.  My legs 
give out from underneath me and I hit the stone platform hard - I 
don't even feel the pain.  My body has gone way beyond pain.  Way 
beyond sanity.

She's spread on the altar, arms and legs pinned down in four 
directions, held in place by steel spikes which has been driven 
clear though her delicate palms and dainty ankles.  Driven 
through the flesh and down into the stone, God... how?  I don't 
want to know how; can't even begin to wonder.  Her lovely body is 
criss-crossed with slashes from what appears to be the serrated 
blade of a very big knife or dagger; ragged, gaping slashes.  Her 
breasts, oh hell... they are gone.  Just - gone.  My brain is 
screaming at me to turn away and stop this, stop looking for 
fuck's sake just STOP... but I can't.  I can't - I have to know, 
have to see what I am up against; have to know exactly the sort 
of monster I face.

The term 'monster' doesn't even begin to cover it... for I have 
found her face - and it's not where it should be.

Her beautiful face... I look up toward her head first, praying 
with every ounce of me that her eyes would be closed; that there 
would be some indication of her being unconscious of this agony - 
but although I see her head - there is no face.  Her face... has 
been... oh, dear God... sliced off. Like a mask, it has been 
carefully removed...

And placed between her spread legs.  Placed nose-down, into her 
wet curls, an obscene parody of perversity.  Oh, Jesus, Mary and 
Joseph, please please... tell me I'm not seeing this.  What 
little breath I have, gasping through my open mouth... it 
dissipates and I am gagging with the force of my shock and 
terror, gagging on my own bile, my own utter pain and despair.  I 
back away from this desecration; away from the sight of the 
innocent, sweet woman she was, reduced to some hideous sacrifice, 
all in the name of... what?  There isn't anything to reconcile 
it, nothing to hold back my sudden unbridled fury and madness as 
I look once more upon this grisly sight...  

And as I turn to stumble away, desperate to find Scully, got to 
find her save her from something like this happening to her to my 
beloved baby - the back of my head explodes from the blow of 
someone's hand, fist, perhaps a large stone... I don't know.  I 
see stars, pain envelopes me, and I crumple to the ground.

~~~~~~

CHAPTER 21


In my sleep I reach out for him - he's not there, and that's what 
wakes me from my dream.  Though my mind is so hazed from inhaling 
Tagara smoke all night, I'm not sure I would actually categorize 
myself as being awake.  He's not beside me, but I knew that.  I 
chose to sleep in the fire room of the main hut last night, 
rather than return to our shelter and listen to any more of 
Mulder's rantings against Master Yidah.  That nonsense last night 
about Madhu being in danger...  With Mulder the sky is always 
falling.  Let him go search for his proof.  He won't have any 
luck.  He's only continuing with this ridiculous pursuit to 
validate his territorial behavior.  This IS Mulder's life after 
all, my needs and desires are of little consequence to him.  
Hopefully, he'll tire of this game soon and offer a sincere 
apology to Guru Yidah for his disrespect.

Just as I sit up, the Master enters for his predawn meditations. 
 He smiles when he sees me, and takes a moment to nod in my 
direction.  It is his ritual not to speak before he's had his 
morning reflections, and is served the first cup of tea.  Today 
he breaks with tradition, however, and comes first to sit by me 
on the floor.  Speaking in a gentle voice, he catches my eyes 
with his, and locks me in his spell.  I can feel his power over 
me, but I'm not afraid.  I know he only means to teach me, to 
guide rather than to rule.  Mulder sees him as some sort of 
Svengali, but I have never felt him asserting his will over 
mine... merely leading me in the direction of the truth.

"Dana, I hate to start your day with disquieting news, but I'm 
afraid we have had to detain Mr. Mulder.  I know that you assured 
me that your investigation of our church had concluded upon your 
arrival here on Mohona, but it would seem your partner has other 
ideas.  And while we have nothing to fear or hide, his activities 
are most disruptive to the harmony of our island.  The other 
students are being disturbed by his behavior.  I asked him to 
leave... I hope you will understand why I had to do this... and 
why I had to have him forcibly restrain until the boat arrives 
from Abaco with our weekly supplies."

"He was looking for Madhu."

"I know.  But he will not find her.  She has gone to the far end 
of the island, for a period of solitary meditation... and I'm 
afraid, to avoid Mr. Mulder's continued harassment.  My wife 
feels dishonored by his forwardness and his aggressive sexual 
overtures."

"I understand.  I would like to see Mulder before he leaves, 
would that be all right?"

"Of course.  But I warn you, he will say anything to get you to 
release him.  You mustn't trust his words, his heart is filled 
with jealousy and other evil.  You may comfort him, try to 
reassure him, but under no condition should you set him free... I 
fear for Madhu's safety, as well as my own... and yours, Dana."

"Mulder would never hurt me."  But even as I say it I am 
recalling his angry words and rough treatment of me after he 
found me with Master Yidah, and when we fought about him staying 
on the island... he warned me then with a threat of violence 
towards me.

"Of course, you know him better than I.  But I ask you, can a man 
whose actions are motivated by negative energy, by jealousy and 
suspicion, can this man be trusted?"  Seeing the troubled look I 
am wearing, the Master puts a comforting hand on my cheek.  His 
touch is calming, it gives me peace to see the wisdom of what 
he's saying to me.  "It will be all right, Dana.  The journey to 
discover the true self is not always an easy one, but, as you 
will soon see, the rewards of attaining Awakening are well worth 
the trouble to get there."

"Thank you, Master Yidah."  

"You will know the truth soon.  I shall make a special effort 
where you are concerned.  I must admit to favoring you over my 
other students.  In so many ways you remind me of my dear Madhu. 
 Your beauty... the strength of your spirit... and your timidity 
when it comes to sharing the feelings held closest to your heart. 
 I have often teased my wife that if she were a man they would 
refer to her as the strong, silent type.  But as a woman, she is 
often mistaken for being closed off, lacking emotion, detached.  
As I understand her, I feel I understand you, Dana.  This will be 
a great help as I help you to attain Samadhi."  

"I appreciate your special guidance."

"We will talk more this afternoon, and tomorrow you will be 
tasked with tending the Naked Fire.  This is a duty of honor.  I 
would ask that you prepare yourself for service, meditating today 
upon the giving of yourself to others.  It is through such acts 
of selflessness and benevolence that the inner being is brought 
to light."  He smiles.  Lesson over.  "Now, let us both turn our 
thoughts inwardly.  There is already much to reflect upon at the 
start of this new day."


~~~~~~

When I finally come to, and try sitting up, I realize several 
things simultaneously:  I am in a very dark place, small and 
cramped and smelling of stale, dry grass; my hands and feet are 
bound tightly and I am gagged.  Lying on my side; feels like one 
of those damn lumpy mats.  The air in here is damp and chilly, I 
still have on all my clothes but since they are damp from the 
rain, I am uncomfortable way beyond the restraints.

I am thirsty as well.

As my eyes adjust to the darkness I can see a few small gaps of 
light between the uneven slats of the door.  I think I am in the 
storage hut; I remember seeing it behind the main hut; a tiny 
thing, hardly big enough for a man to stand in.  My head touches 
one wall and my feet almost touch the other; the width of the 
room just a little wider than my shoulders.  I lie very still and 
try not to panic; try not to think; to visualize.

Jesus... Madhu.  I am so sorry I couldn't help you, save you. 

I try so hard to forget what I saw, there at the tiki rock, but 
like a bad movie that I can't avoid, the images come back to 
scream against the gray matter in my aching brain.  Mutilated... 
desecrated... destroyed.  In such a horrible way my mind still 
can't get around it.

I am so afraid Scully may be next.  

I have to find a way to get her away from that insane bastard; 
have to see her somehow.  I know she's closeted in with him and 
his little bag of mixed nuts, there in the main hut.  All I can 
do is hope and pray she'll come to see me, for whatever reason; 
come in here, alone - and I can try again to talk to her, try 
again to convince her of Yidah's monstrous intentions - and the 
unspeakable agony he has already caused.

Before it's too late... before I become his next victim - his 
next casualty.

His next sacrifice.

~~~~~~


CHAPTER 22


In the afternoon, I finally feel that I am ready to face Mulder. 
 Manu takes me to where he's being held, one of the storage huts, 
the furthest from the center of camp.  As the door is opened I 
see him bound and gagged, laying upon the wood plank floor.  It's 
difficult to see him like this, but I understand why Master Yidah 
felt it necessary.  When I enter the shed alone, Mulder's face is 
a mixture of hope and relief.

"You never know when to quit, do you, Mulder?" I say with a sigh.

He mumbles something, I think something about the gag in his 
mouth, but before I unmuzzle him, I decide to take full advantage 
of his forced silence. 

"You had to keep up this ridiculous investigation, disrupting the 
lives of these harmless people, insulting Master Yidah, harassing 
Madhu..."  At the mention of the Guru's wife, Mulder's eyes widen 
and he starts emphatically trying to talk around the gag again.  
"Well, now you've outstayed your welcome.  And I can't say as I 
blame Master Yidah for incarcerating you in this manner.  For 
godsake, Mulder, you're terrorizing these people... and for what? 
 Because the numbers don't match up?  Maybe not everyone is cut 
out for this life... you're certainly not.  Maybe one or two of 
the followers decided to pursue their studies in another place, 
with another teacher.  There's nothing sinister here.  These 
people are as harmless as a bunch of children.  Evidenced by the 
way your hostile behavior has intimidated them."

He's banging his head in frustration against the support pole 
that he's tied to, leaving me no choice but to remove the binding 
around his mouth before he hurts himself.  The words explode out 
of him even before the strip of cloth is fully removed.  "Scully! 
 You've got to untie me!  We've got to get to the radio and call 
for help!"

"You'll be able to leave as soon as the supply boat arrives 
tomorrow.  Until then you're safest here, out of trouble."  

"She's dead, Scully!  That bastard murdered Madhu!  I found her 
body last night at the altar, the one I told you about!  The sick 
pervert mutilated her... It looked like some sort of ritualistic 
sacrifice had been performed."

"Mulder, stop this!"  I'm furious with him for making such 
outrageous accusations.

"NO, Scully!  Damn it!  Will you listen to me?"

"Master Yidah said Madhu went to the far end of the island.  
She's avoiding your continued and unwelcome sexual advances.  
Unlike you, Mulder, she chooses to remain faithful to her mate."

"What are you talking about?  What lies has that devil been 
telling you?"

"Not lies, Mulder, the truth... the truth I saw with my own 
eyes."

"Scully, you have to untie me.  We're in danger.  We have to get 
away from this place as fast as we can."

"I'm in no danger.  And you will get to leave in the morning."

He laughs. "I don't think so, baby.  Your Guru has no intention 
of letting me go.  Not with what I know of this place... not 
after what I saw last night."

"Of course he does.  There's nothing so horrible here as your own 
paranoid imagination."

"Is it my imagination that I was hit over the head, tied up, and 
taken prisoner?  Are these ropes imaginary?  Huh, Scully?"

"They're afraid of you.  And honestly, Mulder, I think I am too. 
 You've been out of control almost since the moment we set foot 
on this island.  It's no wonder to me that this is what's become 
of you."

"Scully, please!  Please, I'm begging you!  I know this bastard 
has done a number on you... I know your head is so clouded with 
drugs you can't think straight... but trust me, believe me!  
Madhu is dead!
She was viciously murdered.  And we're in danger.  YOU'RE in 
danger.  This man is not what you think he is.  He's been after 
you from the start.  And if you don't get me out of here, I'm 
going to end up as dead as the other men whose women this bogus 
Bhagwan took a liking to."

"I'm not going to listen to any more of your jealous lies!  
Master Yidah warned me that you would say anything to get me to 
release you.  I'm not falling for it.  The things you're saying 
can't be true.  Master Yidah is a brilliant and gentle man."

"He's a vicious, sadistic murdering bastard, Scully.  And he's 
manipulated you against me.  He's brilliant, I'll give you that 
much.  It's taken him less than a week to break one of the 
strongest persons I've ever known, to destroy your faith in me, 
to con you out of your life's savings, and distort your view of 
reality to the point where you see his beguiling lies as the 
gospel truth.  Scully... Dana... If you don't help me, I swear to 
you you're going to regret it."

"Lies... lies, nothing but lies!  And now you're trying to 
frighten me.  You're the manipulator, Mulder.  You used and 
deceived me.  You led me to believe that we had a future 
together... that you loved me..."

"Scully, I do!"

"Shut up!  I'm not listening to it anymore!  You broke my heart, 
goddamn you!  I believed your self-serving insincerity!  And I'm 
never going to believe you again!"

~~~~~~


After tossing for several hours on the lumpy mat, sore and 
exhausted - I finally manage to doze off a bit - in what has 
become my personal prison.  I stayed awake for the longest time, 
praying that Scully would come back - but after she delivered 
that last, painfully-cutting condemnation, and ran out of the 
hut... when minutes stretched into hours - I knew she'd left me; 
really left me.  In my utter despair and heartbreak I lay staring 
up at the thatched roof of the tiny storage hut - now a prison - 
and thought I'd just wait for death to take me.

I am not a stupid man.  I know Yidah has no intention of letting 
me live.  Why should he - I am the only thing which stands 
between him and the object of is desire:  Scully.  And, after our 
last, awful confrontation... I don't even know if she'd hold back 
anything because of me.  Somehow, I doubt it.

God, I was so happy to see her - I tried to tell her how sorry I 
was, how desperately I loved her, needed her.  Once she'd pulled 
the gag off, I burst forth with the news of Madhu's horrible 
death.

Scully wouldn't believe me.

She'd been so tanked up on the Tagara and tea, she'd probably 
never have believed me.  And that bastard keeps her stoked.  
She's so addicted now that she doesn't even wait to have the shit 
brought to her - she goes looking for it.  When she stood in 
front of me just hours ago, the smell of it was in her pores; 
actually coming out through her skin.  The knowledge of this 
addiction just kills me - that Scully could be manipulated like 
this - that I know it's all my fault.  I could have refused this 
case.  Skinner would have given me a hard time about refusing it 
-

But I could have refused.  I should have refused.

Now it's too late.

I'm abruptly awakened from my fitful doze by several pairs of 
rough hands.  My eyes, crusty with sleep, have trouble adjusting 
to the sudden torchlight shone in my face, as I am hauled to my 
feet.  I force my eyes wide open, and look around - at Yidah's 
goon-boys.  Four of them, surrounding me.  My hands are bound 
tighter, as are the cords around my ankles.  Two of them hold me 
up on my shaky legs while a third blindfolds me and the fourth 
keeps a gun poking into my cheek.  A gun...

Wait a minute.  I'd bet anything it's my gun.

Those bastards are holding me with my own gun, I'd lay money.  
I'd laugh at the irony of it, if I could force out anything from 
behind the tight gag around my mouth.  Bound hand and foot, and 
now blindfolded, and gagged again too; that prick sent one of his 
thugs to check on me after Scully left - 

Doomed.  For I can still smell - and I smell Death coming for me, 
in the form of one Master Baet-mi Yidah Guru Par Excellence.  
Right up into my face; the smell of Tagara and tea clinging to 
him like a foul blanket.

Don't ask me why, but I'd also bet money the son-of-a-bitch is 
smiling.  I hang between a couple of his goon's meaty fists, and 
wait for him to say something profound.  I figure a Guru would 
have something profound to say right about now...

Well, I am wrong - for Master Baet-mi Yidah monster 
woman-mutilator pats me on my cheek with one soft-palmed hand and 
inquires with much geniality, "YO, Mulder - how's it hanging?"

Huh?

Where are the cultured, dulcet tones of the Guru - the 
thoughtful, intelligent accent - the gentle, mesmerizing voice?

Judging by the voice I hear, this is not a Guru... this is Sonny 
Coreleone from "The Godfather", in a turban and a diaper...  My 
face, what can still be seen of it, I suppose - must be a 
priceless sight of shock to see, for Guru Coreleone snaps out a 
nasally-sharp bark of laughter, and elaborates, for my benefit.

"Yeah, this is the real 'Me', Asshole - sometimes I get tired of 
that gentle-soul-transcendental-self-righteous-Yin-Yang shit - 
and I just gotta be me."  He suddenly reaches out a hand and tugs 
off the gag and blindfold.  I blink at him, noting the 
incongruity of the outward holy man speaking with the voice of 
the common city street rat.  Yidah grins at the look of confusion 
he must be seeing on my face.

"Vinnie Pasco, at your service, Mr. Mulder - born and raised by 
Nina and Vincent Pasco, in the worst neighborhood of Shit 
Central, Ohio.  Pulled myself outta that hellhole and became 
someone to be reckoned with - but I guess you can never take the 
bad outta the boy, you know what I'm sayin'..." Big grin again; 
he leans in close, confidentially - a buddy of sorts, giving away 
secrets.

"Y'know, meant to tell you - that broad of yours... nice hot 
piece of ass.  I'm gonna love taking her sweet hole down a shot 
or so - yessir.  She's one mean babe - and I got her right where 
I want her.  Loose and full of shit - wide open for me to just 
slide right in, 'cause the water's sooo fine..."  I can feel the 
blaze of fury come up in my eyes, and his answering cocky grin 
refutes what he can see in my face.  I strain against my 
restraints; against the punishing grip of the men who hold me; 
never in my life have I wanted to kill another creature as much 
as I want to kill this animal standing in front of me.  Something 
in the hot murder of my unblinking stare must finally get through 
to him though - because he backs up a step or two and his grin 
slips just a little.  I manage to get enough traction against the 
muscle holding me back, and lean into his space just enough to 
make him take a small third step back.

"You had better not miss when you kill me, 'Vinnie' - because I 
swear to you right now that I will find a way to get you.  Leave 
an ounce of life in me, and I'll turn it into immortality, for 
the express reason of tracking you down and slicing you into so 
many pieces you'll have to be buried in margarine bowls.  I'd do 
it just for what you've done to Scully - for making her into the 
worst kind of addict. But for what you did to Madhu... for what 
you did to that innocent woman... you deserve to be buried alive, 
in acid.  I can't even come up with the kind of punishment you 
deserve - but give me a moment of creative thinking, you 
son-of-a-bitch - and I promise you I will."

That's the last thing I get to say, as Vinnie jerks his head at 
the nearest goon, who crams the gag back on my face.  After it's 
in place, Vinnie the Guru from Hades leans in close again, and 
smiles at me hugely.

"Well, Mr. Mulder... it's time.  Time for you to meet your 
destiny, here on the lovely island of Mohona - time to appease 
the gods of Tantra and of the Samadhi.  Time to spill a whole 
lotta blood all over my nifty tiki altar - and while my 
assistants prepare you for your most noble sacrifice... I do 
believe I may try out your woman - see if she's as tasty on the 
inside as she is on the outside.  Break in a new bottle of 
oil..."

My muffled screeches of horror, fear and fury are lost on the 
early-evening air, as he strolls unhurriedly out of the hut.

~~~~~~


CHAPTER 23


"Manu said you wanted to see me."  

"Come in, Dana."

I'm a little apprehensive about entering his private quarters 
this time.  Damn Mulder!  This is all his fault!  I remind myself 
that this man has shown me nothing but kindness since my arrival. 
 There's no reason I should be afraid.  And so, pushing my fears 
aside, I walk into the candlelit room and approach Master Yidah 
who is standing by a teak side table just inside the door.  
There's an elegant silver tea service and two china cups... 
decidedly out of place in this primitive hut.  He sees me eyeing 
the luxury, and comments. "A farewell gift from Swami Radda when 
I left the consulate in India."

"It's lovely."

"Will you join me?"  He offers a cup which I gladly accept.

"Thank you."  Even before the first sip, the aroma gives away the 
knowledge that this isn't the usual island brew.  I cautiously 
taste the steaming liquid.  Distinctively herbal... grassy, 
slightly bitter but not unpleasant.  I watch as he pours himself 
a cup now too.  And then he takes a seat on the floor and invites 
me to do likewise. 

"How did your visit go with Agent Mulder this afternoon?"

"Not well."  I sigh.

He nods as if he expected as much.  "It's time to move on, Dana. 
 He is in your past.  You must let him go."

"It's difficult."

"Yes."  The way he's watching me tonight makes me feel 
uncomfortable.  Maybe it's my imagination, but he seems to be 
staring at me as a hungry wolf looks upon a newborn lamb.  "I 
think that this is a good time for you to experience Awakening.  
It will bring clarity and focus as you struggle through this 
painful transition."
 
I've only had a few sips of this tea, but it's abruptly apparent 
that there's something powerful working it's way into my system. 
 I feel decidedly light headed, and a bit euphoric.  It's only 
after I try to speak, that I realize I have forgotten how... 
Trouble.  My mind tells me I'm in trouble, but my body won't 
respond.  Guru Yidah is standing over me now... the cup is gone 
from my hand... 

Mulder's words come to mind as a flood of anxiety washes over me 
- 

'He raped you of your right to choose whether or not you really 
wanted that level of his rotten little lessons... he took away 
your right to say 'no'.'

Try as I might, I am unable to utter a single word. THE word.  He 
has taken from me the ability to refuse his attentions.

Mulder was right.

Oh... God... Oh, please, no.  But my head is swimming, and it's 
impossible to do anything but sit with my jaw hung loose and feel 
my body slipping deeper and deeper into catatonia.  Master 
Yidah's hands are on me now; he checks my pulse... looks into my 
eyes as if he's a doctor giving an exam.

I'm staring, no longer retaining even the power to blink... 
starting to worry just how far under this drug will take me.  
Yidah is undressing me now... he removes my robe and then walks 
away; unnerving, because I can't turn my head to see what he's 
doing.  When he returns he's got a hypodermic... Oh, Jesus, no 
more drugs, please.

"Relax, now, Dana.  This will take you places you've never been 
before."  As he plunges the needle into my arm, I'm helpless to 
resist.  Inside my head I'm screaming for him to stop, but I 
manage to vocalize only a few weak moans of protest.  He's 
completely unconcerned, continuing about his business, leaving my 
sight again briefly, presumably to rid himself of the sharp 
needle.  When he returns to my field of vision, I see that he's 
also rid himself of his clothing.  He kneels in front of me and 
pushes me back onto the pillows...  

... and I'm falling... down... down... sinking into the soft 
cushions and beyond... far beyond...



When I come to I hurt.  I hurt all over.  My first thought is 
that I've been beaten up, but that's not what happened.  The 
sticky feeling between my legs tells me all I need to know... 
more than I want to know.  I've been raped.  That scheming 
bastard did just what Mulder said he would do.  He drugged me 
into submission and took what he wanted, what he's wanted all 
along.  Mulder was right.  And if he was right about this... OH 
GOD!  Then maybe it's all true!  MULDER!  I have to get away.  I 
have to get to Mulder and set him free before it's too late!  

Cautiously, I open my eyes and survey... I'm alone.  Thank God!  
Acting as quickly as my aching body will let me, I struggle to 
sit up... fighting back tears, I grab up my robe and slip it on. 
 Then quietly I find my way out of the hut, sneaking past the 
sleeping bodies in the fire room.  The Guru is not amongst his 
harem, making my need to get to Mulder all the more urgent.  
Please, God, don't let me be too late.

But when I get to the shed he's gone.  A surging tide of panic 
rising up within me, I grab a nearby torchlight to examine the 
darkened room... Mulder's clothes are in a rumpled heap, and 
there's something else... I lean closer, bringing the flame down 
to light the floor, seeing his rumpled tee shirt and the stains 
upon it... Blood!

And I'm running, running through the night as fast as my damnably 
short legs will carry me, chased by my own worst fears.  I have 
to find him.  I know, with a sickening sense of dread, exactly 
where I have to go... to the altar... the place Mulder described 
as permeated with the stench of death.  The altar is the logical 
place... if they took him to kill him.  If what Mulder said about 
Madhu is true... which I'm now certain it is, these are some very 
dangerous people, and we're in a hell of a lot of trouble.  

My heart's ready to explode from my chest, each breath I take 
comes as a painful gasp, but I can't slow down.  Mulder needs me 
and I have to find that altar.  So I push myself beyond all 
limits, ignoring the bruising rocks under my bare feet, and the 
stinging cuts I get as I race through the thick vegetation.  
  
There's an eerie glow in the trees up ahead, and I have to force 
myself to slow down, to approach cautiously.  It won't do a hell 
of a lot of good if we're both prisoners of that monster.  I hear 
voices... Mulder's - thank God! ... and someone else, someone I 
don't recognize, someone with a thick street-wise accent.  
Crouching low to the ground I crawl forward until I can see into 
the clearing.

I've found the altar, and Mulder is tied down to it, stark naked 
and raging mad.  The Guru is there, as are two of his 
assistants... and Manu too.  And that horrible stone tiki, just 
as Mulder described, presiding over the setting like an evil God. 
 The whole scene looks surreal in the wicked luminescence of the 
torchlights.  But the reality of it comes crashing to the 
forefront as I hear my partner's angry voice yelling at the Guru.

"You goddamn bastard!  If you hurt her..."

"What?  What will you do, limp dick?  Don't worry about your 
little FBI bitch, I took care of her.  She knows what a real 
man's cock feels like now.  I did her good and hard, and she just 
opened up those fine little legs of hers and let Vinnie boy put 
it right in.  Yessir, right in... all the way to the hilt... over 
and over and over."  

What the hell?  It's Master Yidah's body but the voice... 

"I'll tell you, Fed, that is one sweet piece of pussy.  Gonna be 
a damn shame when I hafta waste her."

Mulder lets out a scream of rage and frustration, struggling 
against his restraints, but Yidah only laughs in his face.

"My only regret here, Mulder, is that you ain't gonna be around 
to watch when I fuck her to death.  That's how she's gonna meet 
it, you know... and she ain't gonna be drugged out of her pretty 
little mind when I do her.  She's gonna be wide awake and beggin' 
for mercy."

"You sick prick, leave her alone!"

"I'm gonna take my time with her, not like Madhu.  That little 
cunt had it easy.  She didn't last more than a couple hours.  I 
plan on seeing to it that Dana gets the full treatment.  Hours, 
days of torture maybe, before I let her die.  I wanna hear her 
scream until she ain't got no more left in her."

"Please don't... please don't do that to her, Vinnie.  She's 
fallen for your act completely.  There's no reason to hurt her.  
She believes you.  She's no threat to you at all."  Mulder sounds 
utterly defeated as he begs that sadistic monster to spare my 
life.

Vinnie pats Mulder's cheek and gives him a patient smile.  
"Mulder, Mulder, Mulder... you just don't get it, do you, my man? 
 She may be the finest slice of prime pussy on the planet but 
she's still goddamned FBI.  Oh, I'm gonna have a lot of fun with 
her before I sacrifice her, Agent - better believe it.  Gonna dig 
myself a place deep inside of her and plant a tree, my own mighty 
oak way down deep in that pretty cunt - then when she can't take 
any more of me I'm gonna tell her all about how I made your last 
minutes on earth a living hell, as I fuck her to death - 
literally.  Every last detail, baby... she gets it whispered into 
her little ear.  By the time I get through with her she'll be 
beggin' for the knife..." 

"The hell I will," I mutter to myself as Vinnie goes on 
antagonizing Mulder.  I force myself to ignore the rest of the 
conversation.  If I'm going to help Mulder, I have to come up 
with a plan.  Damn, what I wouldn't give to have my Sig right 
now... and then I see it, a ceremonial chalice.  This twisted 
maniac is actually going to perform a ritual sacrifice.  And now 
I know a way I might be able to stop him...

~~~~~~


CHAPTER 24


I come to slowly - too slowly.  Hurt - all over.  First thing I 
become aware of is the cold stone beneath my bare back.

Bare...

The back of my head is throbbing again.  Same place as before - 
these goons have no imagination.  Try to raise a hand to rub at 
the ache - and discover my arms are strapped down.  I test the 
leather; it holds firm.  Likewise the restraints on my legs.  The 
words swim up out of my cracked lips before I can stop them.

"Leather, ooh, baby - you guys are so kinky..." The crack of a 
callused hand against the side of my head causes the stars to 
splinter behind my aching eyes, and I pass out.

I don't know how long I was out that time.  When I'm able to 
force my eyes open again, Manu is swimming in my line of vision, 
pouring water in my open mouth.  I sputter and choke on it and he 
slows the gush to a trickle, allowing me to gulp it down.  When I 
finish swallowing, I regard Manu with suspicious eyes.  "You 
wanna tell me why you felt it necessary to keep my throat 
un-parched?  Want to make sure I can deliver those full-bodied 
screams when Vinnie comes at me with the knife?"  Manu returns my 
gaze with solemn eyes, and looks about quickly; for the moment we 
appear to be by ourselves.  The other goons must be off gathering 
nuts and berries for when they hibernate in their caves, I 
suppose... Manu must be satisfied we are alone, for he leans over 
and speaks into my ear, so low I have to strain to hear it.

"Madhu and I... we were... Saiid Mulder, I will help you.  When 
the time comes - I will help..." 

That's about all he has time to say, before we hear the palmettos 
ringing the tiki rustle, indicating someone is coming.  I absorb 
Manu's words in silent shock, wondering when they would have had 
time to sneak off and be together - and hoping against hope that 
he did not see her in her final, tortuous agony.  I steal another 
peek at Manu, just as he raises his head and looks straight at me 
- and the raw despairing pain in his eyes tells me that if he 
didn't see her in death, he most certainly suspected what her 
death would have had to entail.  And I feel sorry for him, I 
really do - but for now I have other problems.  I can see the man 
of the hour, sauntering over to the altar, a big genial smile on 
his face.

Yeah, you just keep on smiling, Vinnie-boy - your minutes are 
numbered...  I promise you.

The next half hour or so pass in a sort of blur - since I mouthed 
off to Vinnie, calling him "Junior" - and earning me a ringing 
punch to my right cheek.  Guess I blacked out a bit, not as long 
as before.  Maybe I am developing a tolerance to being hit in the 
head.  As I come around again, I realize two things - the other 
goons are back, and the chanting has begun, with Vinnie pacing 
around and around the altar and my restrained body, chanting 
softly and occasionally throwing some sort of dried herbs on me 
as he passes my groin area.  Don't know how many times he's made 
the trip, but my wang has a nice little buildup of stinky brown 
herbs - and I am beginning to worry just a little.  Although the 
herbs are dry, they exude a tingling warmth over the places they 
touch, on me - a tingling that is slowly escalating into pain.  
The warmth of them is causing me to become erect - and the 
erection is slowly becoming pain.  I squirm around a little, 
trying to dislodge the stuff, but I can't move enough to shake it 
off.  Vinnie sees me wiggling around and stops chanting long 
enough to 'visit' with me.

"Hey, Fed - whatcha think?  Cool feeling, huh?  These are Mahomng 
leaves - grown here locally.  Harmless when green and fresh... 
but dried, they pack a punch, dontcha think?  The warmer they 
feel, the harder your dick gets.  The harder you get, the more 
pain you'll feel - mahomng acts on the male pheromones you can't 
help but release at a time like this.  Pretty cool huh?  My own 
invention - discovered by accident.  You like?"  He's grinning 
down on me as if we're buddies out on the town, trolling for 
babes.  At that moment, if I didn't already know the bastard was 
insane to the max, I sure do now.  Completely, endlessly insane. 
 Nuttier than a twenty-pound fruitcake - and he's got Scully 
under his thumb.  I could go insane myself just at the thought of 
it - but I've got to hold it together.  I've got to hope that 
Scully will figure it out - and come looking for me.  Got to hope 
that Manu has enough of a death-wish for Vinnie, to help me.

 A few minutes later, my hope is just about gone, along with a 
great deal of my sanity.  While the other goons and Manu have 
been continuing the chanting ritual, Vinnie has been leaning in 
with that same squirrely smile on his shit-face, telling me all 
about his latest 'session' with Scully... and I am breaking into 
pieces inside, at the thought of what he has done to her - and 
praying, for the first time, that she was too stoned to feel a 
thing.  His next words confirm this, and I can feel myself sag 
in relief as he brags about it, all the street rat accent back 
in his voice.

"...that's how she's gonna meet it, you know... and she ain't 
gonna be drugged out of her pretty little mind when I do her.  
She's gonna be wide awake and beggin' for mercy."

Oh, thank God, thank God, she never felt it - hopefully, she 
won't remember it - I'll never tell her, never - I feel the fury 
inside me smothering me and I can't hold it in -

"You sick prick, leave her alone!"

"I'm gonna take my time with her, not like Madhu.  That little 
cunt had it easy.  She didn't last more than a couple hours.  I 
plan on seeing to it that Dana gets the full treatment.  Hours, 
days of torture maybe, before I let her die.  I wanna hear her 
scream until she ain't got no more left in her."

Oh Jesus - he's baiting me, I know he is - wanting me to react, 
to explode so he's got a reason to pound me again, or worse - but 
I gotta hang onto it, can't let him get to me,  I know what he 
wants - wants me to beg, to break down and blubber like a pussy. 
 Fine, I can do that - I'll do it all goddamn night if I have to 
- if it'll keep him so occupied in taunting and torturing me that 
he doesn't notice that Manu has unsheathed his dagger... he sends 
the tiniest nod my way and I understand what to do - keep the 
sick bastard talking as long as possible, and pray that somehow 
Scully finds us.  Pray that Scully comes out of the drugged haze 
in which that asshole must have left her...

Mostly, just pray.

Scully... where are you?

Twenty minutes go by, along with more chanting; Jesus doesn't the 
guy ever get tired of throwing those damn brown crap leaves on me 
and mumbling all this weird shit?  I'm hoarse with pleading; my 
dick is killing me, and I've drawn on all my waning strength, and 
swallowed as much natural repugnance as possible; hate acting 
like such a wimp-ass but, that's what the bastard wants to see.  
His ego is so overblown now that, I swear, a bomb could drop on 
his head and he wouldn't feel it. I close my eyes in exhaustion, 
almost to the point of giving up, expecting to feel the knife any 
second now -

Then, some sixth sense forces my eyes open again, and I squint 
very hard and focus them beyond the immediate vicinity of where I 
lay bound upon the altar; did I hear something?  Oh, hell yeah... 
out of the corner of my eye, I see the sweetest sight in the 
world:  My Scully, creeping on her hands and knees toward the 
lower side of the altar, a drawstring bag in her teeth.  Scully, 
hair tangled in her eyes, wearing my bloodstained tee shirt; her 
burning eyes holding mine as she comes closer, and closer - 
reaching the ceremonial chalice, which has been placed on the 
ground a distance from the altar; I had caught just the edge of 
it with my peripheral vision, when I had first awoken.  Scully, 
now squatting down in front of the chalice, dumping the contents 
of the bag into the cup and mixing it quickly with a stick - 

Scully, my love, my savior - my life.  Smiling for me, just for 
me; the strength of that smile infusing me with boundless energy 
and pulsing life, as I continue to outwardly cower under 
VinnieRat's increasingly burgeoning ego.  I can bear anything now 
- I'd lick the bastard's big toes right about now, if I knew it 
would keep him talking.  Scully's here and I am suddenly very, 
very happy.

I can grovel now; I can plead and beg and act like the world's 
falling in around my head; and so I do - I put on quite a 
performance:

"Vinnie, listen to me - you have control right now, and I don't 
care what you do to me, really I don't.  But please, don't hurt 
Dana - please.  I talked her into coming on this case; she's a 
true innocent in all of this, please - you gotta believe that I 
was the one responsible for it all!  Please, Please..."  

God, what a pussy I am!  Shit, I don't care - Scully has 
retreated to the darkness of the palmettos and gives me the 'high 
sign' as I whimper and blubber a bit more.  Vinnie is eating it 
up, the bastard.  Not responding to me in words; he's too busy 
chanting.  But I know he's listening and that's all that matters. 
 And Manu, having seen what Scully did to the chalice, has 
continued to chant with him, eyes slitted just enough to track 
the action about to go down.  I know what's next; I read the damn 
books.  Vinnie reaches for the chalice, holding it high above him 
as he chants to the cloudy moon.

"GURUS SHAKSHAT PARAMBRAHMAN, TASMI SHRI GURUVE NAMAH!"  

He lowers the chalice and brings it to his mouth, drinking deep. 
 He passes it to Manu, who gives an impressive performance as he 
pretends to drink; he passed it to Goon number One, who takes a 
healthy chug.  By the time the cup has made it to Goon Number 
Two, and been downed greedily... Vinnie the Guru Master-Baet-Mi 
from Shit Central, Ohio... has collapsed in a paralyzed heap next 
to the altar, followed by the goon twins.  All three of them 
staring into space like zombies... and Scully is bending over me 
and kissing every inch of my face and neck that she can reach and 
Manu is cutting the leather straps.  The second my hands are 
free, I've got my arms tightly around my baby and we are both 
crying all over each other, wordless oaths of love pouring out of 
us, crying harder as we re-affirm our commitment.  I'm gentle 
with her; I know what she's been through but I won't say anything 
to her - not now.  Later, maybe - we will get this all out into 
the open and then we'll put it behind it and never need to think 
of it again.  

But for now - Scully kisses me one more time, a deep, purifying 
ScullyKiss which shoots straight to my soul and heals me from the 
inside out - then she squirms out of my arms and faces Manu and 
asks in a raw voice, "How long, Manu?  I used Huang root - how 
long do we have before they come out of it?"  Manu thinks a bit, 
then smiles at her as he reaches behind a rock and produces 
several lengths of rope.

"Doesn't matter how long, Missy - I will restrain them for you.  
They are awake and can feel, and can hear - but they cannot 
react.  They are helpless, for at least another twenty minutes or 
more."  So saying, he quickly ties the trio up, binds them hand 
and foot, then props them against the stone altar.  Scully 
directs him to put Vinnie in front; Manu props him up against the 
other two, using them to make a sort of Goon chair for the great 
man himself.  Then, as Scully moves to stand in front of Vinnie, 
she holds out one small hand to Manu - and with great ceremony he 
places the serrated-edged dagger into her hand.  Her small, 
delicate hand.  

Her suddenly-vengeful hand... Uh-oh.  

"Um... Scully?  What are you doing...?"  The smile she flashes my 
way is pure Scully - warm and strong and full of love.  Then, her 
eyes return to Vinnie, there on the hard altar, propped against 
his goons - and those gorgeous blue orbs grow dark with hate, and 
revengeful promise... and her whispered words do nothing to 
reassure me - but everything to arouse me:

"Oh, don't you worry your handsome head about it, baby... I've 
got a 'date' with Master Vinnie, here - and I want to make sure I 
get the good stuff outta the way, before he really wakes up.  I 
want him to see it, and feel it... and go insane with it..."  And 
she takes the dagger firmly in her hand and cuts Vinnie's 
ceremonial robe open right down the front.  Either by accident or 
on purpose, the tip of the wickedly-sharp blade paints a thin 
line of red along the path of his chest, dead-on center from the 
base of his neck to the beginning of his groin hair.  He stares 
ahead, just the tiniest moan slipping from his throat -

And from Scully, a softly-spoken, "Oops..."
~~~~~~


Hunching down in front of this cretin, I am suddenly filled with 
the desire to make him pay, for what he did to me, to those other 
women in his harem who are prisoners of his drugs and victims of 
his sexual abuse, and for Madhu... for that poor gentle woman who 
suffered and died at the hands of this sadistic animal she had 
the misfortune of being married to.

I lean in close and have a little fun with him first. "Yo, 
Vinnie.  Guess what?  Dana's onto your little game."  He makes a 
whining sound but continues to stare straight ahead.  I know 
where he is; I know that awful helpless feeling.  "What's the 
matter, Vinnie?  The knife making you nervous?  Relax.  I'm a 
trained doctor.  Would you like me to show you just how skilled I 
am with one of these babies? ...I'll take your non-answer to mean 
you consent.  Now this could smart a bit.  Be sure and tell me if 
you want me to stop!"  My hand is trembling as I lower the knife 
to his genitals.  There's a limit to what I can get away with 
here; I have to keep myself in check.  As much as I'd like to 
make dear Vinnie the first Guru eunuch from Ohio, or whack off 
his most prized toy and toss it into his Tagara pit - I don't 
want to see this man making the talk show circuit getting rich 
because his lawyers had a field day with an FBI agent out of 
control.  Of course, how can I really be held responsible for my 
actions in the drugged state this phony has kept me in for the 
last week?  Mulder, on the other hand, shouldn't be witness to 
what's about to go down here.  "Agent Mulder," I call over my 
shoulder, "why don't you and Manu go radio for backup.  I'll keep 
these boys entertained while you're gone."

"Scully..."  It's said as a warning.  Mulder has seen too much of 
my dark side lately, he probably has no idea what to expect from 
me anymore.

"Go, Mulder!  I'm fine."  And to be sure he understands, I let 
him see my eyes, sharing a moment of silent intercommunication 
that we've developed over the years - a skill so finely honed, it 
borders on telepathy.  The shining I get in return is his 
complicity, but nothing he could ever be held accountable for, 
except by me.

I wait until Mulder and Manu are well on their way, and Vinnie's 
had plenty of time to sweat it, before I begin to really take my 
revenge.

"Now then, where was I?  No wait!  Don't tell me, I remember now. 
 I was about to give you your first lesson in surgical 
techniques."  I lay the flat of the blade against his testicles. 
 "Steady hands are very important.  It's a damn shame mine are a 
bit shaky at the moment from all chemicals that you've been using 
to dominate me with.  I'll try not to slip; there's some vital 
nerves down in this region that I wouldn't want to sever... 
wouldn't want you to miss out on all the fun you're going to have 
with the other boys on the cell block.  Well, you wouldn't miss 
out on ALL the fun... but I'm sure you'd rather give than 
receive."  I slowly drag the blade down until the sharp point is 
pressing into his tender flesh, just enough to break the surface 
skin and cause a tiny bit of blood to flow.  Beads of sweat are 
beginning to form on his forehead, trickling down the sides of 
his temples. 

"Yeah, you'll be the belle of the ball in prison once the other 
inmates find out you're a sex guru.  Especially with a name like 
Master Baetmi.  Maybe you'll get lucky and one of the better 
looking ones will make you a part of his personal harem... one of 
his prize bitches, think how special you'll feel..."  I move the 
knife a little and give him an extra jab. "Oh, but I've wandered 
off the subject, haven't I?  My head's so foggy these days it's 
hard to concentrate.  You wanted a demonstration, didn't you?  
Let's see... Hmm... ya know, this would be a lot easier if you 
had an erection.  Where's that stuff... Mahomng, was that what 
you called it?"  Looking around, I spy the bowl containing the 
dried leaves that he was using to torture Mulder with, and hurry 
over to gather a handful, which I ceremoniously sprinkle on 
Vinnie's genitals.  When it starts to work its magic, I make a 
few delicate cuts with the knife... not enough to injure him 
seriously, just a few scratches really, but I'm sure that Mahomng 
is making it feel like so much more.  He's moaning, sweating like 
crazy now, and I feel a whole hell of a lot better.  "How's that 
for an Awakening, MASTER Yidah?"

~~~~~~

CHAPTER 25


Asleep, at last, curled up next to me in the First Class cabin.  
The flight attendants have, for the most part, left us alone.  
They caught on very quickly - about five minutes after we settled 
into our seats, and the first very pretty, very chirpy attendant 
bounced down the aisle toward us and tried to give us something 
alcoholic.  I swear, Scully actually growled at her.  The poor 
girl beat a hasty retreat.  Scully caught the look in my amused 
eyes about two seconds before she pressed her tired head into the 
hollow of my shoulder; a muttered, "Shut up, Mulder" into my 
grinning mouth was all she said, before she plopped her head down 
and promptly fell asleep, before the plane even took off.  

I let my head fall back on the padded headrest, and snuggle 
Scully closer, winding my arm tightly about her little body; 
feeling a damp "Mmmm" murmured into my neck.  I press a kiss into 
her sweet-smelling hair - hair that is finally free of the smell 
of Tagara - and look out the window at the inky black night 
outside the plane.  Going home; to an overall unsure future, I 
think.  Well, unsure of our jobs, Scully's present way of life in 
general, the immediate state of my poor fish - but very, very 
sure of the love we share, the commitment we have made and the 
sure knowledge that we have survived the worst.  

Of course, we have yet to face AD Skinner.  But at least we can 
give him the bad guy - alive.  Bruised, but alive.  Maimed a 
bit... but alive.

Okay, he's more than maimed.  He seems to have, ah... how to put 
this delicately - lost the ability to achieve and maintain an 
erection.  I blame the trauma of the loss of his way of life, 
there on Mohona.  That will be stated very clearly in my report. 
 He is being held in containment in another section of the plane, 
under the best and most dedicated of guards - Manu.  A handful of 
local authorities, four in all, picked up from the Grand Bahamas, 
assist Manu in his somber duty.  Our Vinnie made the mistake of 
trying to talk to us, perhaps thinking to reason with us, once... 
just once.  In the holding cell at the airport, five minutes 
before boarding; Scully had wanted to say good-bye to Manu, since 
they would embark through a different hatchway when the plane 
landed and she was afraid she would miss him.  She gave him a 
huge hug - which he returned, very gently - and kissed his cheek 
while I shook his hand.  Manu will make a wonderful cop - he will 
be going to the Academy of Officers of the Peace on Grand Bahama 
as soon as his escort duty is fulfilled.  

So we said good-bye - and Vinnie, in chains and held between the 
bulk of two beefy police, just had to open his mouth and say, 
"Agents Scully and Mulder... so nice to see you wearing... 
clothes..."  

This is a very stupid man.  I could not believe he would even 
look in Scully's direction, much less speak actual words to her. 
 Scully never flinched.  She walked over to him and smiled 
pleasantly into his face...

Right before she kneed him in his extremely sore and painful 
groin.  Guess I forgot to mention Scully left that Mahomng herb 
on his tender wang just an hour or so too long.  Well, upon 
contact of her knee and his wounded jewels... Vinnie made a noise 
that sounded like a cross between a boil being lanced, and an 
overripe casaba being stomped on with cleats - and fainted dead 
away.  The two officers holding his limp body gaped at her; she 
put a shocked hand to her mouth, and murmured, "Oh, dear - my 
trick knee must have slipped..."  I bit back the laughter long 
enough to grab her arm and drag her out of there and onto the 
plane before she got us in serious trouble.

The memory of it, created just a few hours ago, makes me smile 
again, as I cuddle Scully and close my eyes, hoping to catch a 
few Zs myself.  My baby... my Scully.  My precious girl - and I 
came so close to losing her; too close.   I came too close to 
seeing her forever bogged down in addiction - she will have a 
tough time ahead, with the conquering of that little demon.  The 
doctor who examined us at Abaco, our first stop after leaving 
Mohona - that doctor had shaken his head when I explained the 
possibly-lethal combination of drugs introduced in her system.

"It is a wonder she was coherent at all, Mr. Mulder - she was 
very lucky.  Tagara is actually quite poisonous when taken in 
large doses - and the tea is actually comprised of Mahomng as 
well as bitterroot, mint and a bit of chamomile.  Very 
intoxicating - very addictive.  She will not have an easy time of 
it."  Well, he was right - it's been tough on her.  We had a few 
days to relax on Abaco, while the Church of the Seven Chakras was 
disbanded, the members and students packed on planes and flown 
back to the states for processing.  Swami Saraswati had 
unfortunately flown the coop before we could manage to arrest 
him.  Scully slept a lot, twitched a bit and sweat profusely.  
She downed a ton of water to help flush her out, and I spent no 
small amount of time holding her shoulders while she hurled into 
the john every few hours.  But she's doing a lot better now.

She'll feel even better when I get my hands on her in several 
hundred different ways - as soon as we get home.  I've been 
patient - I've been understanding.  I've been goddamned horny, 
that's what I have been.  Tired, sore, exhausted, probably too 
whipped to do anything more than cop a feel or two - but still, 
my body wanted the option.  Soon - very soon.  We need to talk 
about what happened to us - to both of us - and we will talk 
about it.  But not now - not here.  In my apartment, in the 
candlelight and after several glasses of mellow wine.  Then, 
we'll talk.  And then, I'll show her - and tell her - all the 
things I've been storing up, just for her.  I smile again, 
against her hair.  She stirs a little, and her heavy-lidded eyes 
open and peer up at me in the gloom of the darkened cabin.

"What are you grinning about, G-Man?"

"You... 'Kick-Ass Scully' - it was all I could do not to reach 
out and beat the blood right outta that bastard - and you just 
walk up to him, cool as can be - and pop him a wiener-crunch.  
Jeez, Scully - it's a wonder we didn't get arrested right there 
for police brutality!"  I really love what she did - but I'm not 
telling her that.  She has to understand the possible 
ramifications of her actions...

"Bullshit, Mulder - I saw your face.  You were proud of me, admit 
it.  If I hadn't done it, you would have.  I had to do it, Mulder 
- you do understand, right?  I had to..."  That's all she will 
say, and I nod and draw her closer, finding her mouth in the 
gloom and kissing her, very deeply and very slowly.  When I let 
her go she is rosy pink and trying to stem the sudden tears in 
her crystalline eyes.  I wipe at the drops tenderly and she 
shudders out a shaky breath and mumbles, "Sorry - don't know 
what's wrong with me lately -  I am such a wuss..."  I kiss her 
once more and press her closer, whispering to her as the plane 
floats through the black clouds deep in the night.

"Scully, you are the least wussy person I know - and you know it. 
 You saved me and you saved yourself.  You got the bad guy and 
you made a definite difference in the life of a possible 
Guru-groupie; Manu has turned his entire life around because of 
you.  You are well on the way of getting that shit out of your 
system and on top of all that, you know how to swallow my entire 
package - by the way... just how did you learn how to do that, 
anyway?  Scully?  Baby?"

I can feel her tiny body shaking with repressed laughter.  Good, 
if nothing else, at least she's not crying anymore.  "Remember 
that case back in '95, down in Gibsontown, Florida?" she begins.

"The sideshow freaks... Lenny and his detachable Siamese twin.  
The Figi Mermaid that wasn't."  How could I forget?  That's the 
case where my dear partner shocked the hell out of me by eating 
that damn cricket.  Okay, she didn't REALLY eat it, but the 
pretense was enough to give me a serious case of the willies the 
rest of the day.  

"That's the one."

"You learned how to do THAT then?"  This ought to be interesting.

"Indirectly.  You know magic holds a fascination for me.  While 
we were conducting interviews with some of the residents of the 
trailer park, I had an interesting and quite informative 
conversation with the sword swallower, the Stupendous Gargola.  
He explained to me the techniques he employed when accomplishing 
his wondrous feats.  It's all a matter of relaxing the muscles in 
the throat, once you get around the gag reflex, there's nothing 
to it."  

Scully pushes the armrest that stands between us up and out of 
the way.  Then she nestles in beside me and in no time at all, 
she's soundly asleep - softly snoring the rest of the way home.  

Nothing to it, she says.  It's only one of the most 
unfuckingbelievable sexual experiences I've ever had in my life. 
 God, I love this woman!

~~~~~~


Getting ON a plane, not off one, is usually what gives me 
butterflies in my stomach.  But when we arrive in DC, the 
realization hits me - I have no place to go, no home.  Never have 
I been so lost as I am right now.  I don't know what I'm going to 
do, where I'm going to go, if I'm even going to have a job left 
when Skinner takes a look at our case report tomorrow morning.  

After we claim our luggage, we head outside into the rainy and 
cold spring night.  Mulder has our bags stowed away in the trunk 
of a cab and is ushering me inside before I even have time to 
think.  He gives the driver his address and then wraps his arm 
around my shoulders and encourages me to rest my head against 
him.

"Mulder, I still have my credit cards, I can get a motel..."

"Not an option, Scully.  You're exhausted, as am I; we have an 
early morning tomorrow, and I'd sleep better tonight if I had you 
beside me."

"Thanks."  I brush a quick kiss over his jaw, wrapping my arms 
around him and snuggling in close.  "Tomorrow, I'll make 
arrangements for a place to stay... not with Mom.  She's never 
going to understand any of this.  I'll get a motel, and when I 
get paid I'll see about finding a furnished apartment somewhere."

"Scully, don't worry about that right now.  You'll stay with me. 
 Let's just take this one step at a time.  First, we have to get 
you feeling better.  Okay?"

I nod, but can't help thinking, as the cabbie speeds and weaves 
through the early evening DC traffic, how AM I going to put my 
life back together?  Everything's gone.  Shit, I don't even have 
a car to drive to work in.  The only clothes I have are the 
things I took on the case with me, not exactly the makings of a 
professional wardrobe.  One suit, I have one goddamn suit... 


~~~~~~


CHAPTER 26


Sometimes I used to dread coming home to this apartment.  It's 
dark, and small - and it never had much warmth.  Hell, no warmth 
- let's get real here.  I would come home after a day of basking 
in the brightness of Dana Scully; home to a place which seemed 
drab no matter how many lamps I snapped on; or how colorful my 
throw pillows were against the dark of my leather sofa.  The 
bright spots in this place of mine centered around the areas 
where in my mind, I could recall Scully's presence - curled up on 
the floor in front of the coffee table, a slice of pizza in her 
hand and a glint in her eyes, as she refutes yet another of my 
theories.  Snooping in my fridge, bemoaning the lack of 
nourishing food - my kitchen and my living room  had a splash of 
Scully.  And now, so does my bedroom.

Scully stands in the center of my bedroom, suitcase in hand and 
such a lost look upon her face that it rips at me.  I drop my 
bags next to the bed and move to stand in front of her; lift up 
her chin with my hand so I can see into those cloudy blue eyes.  
Tearing up as I gaze into them... Ah, Scully.

"Scully... talk to me..."  Overflowing eyes, the wetness on her 
cheeks and falling on the thumb I rub against her mouth.  She 
sucks in a shudder-breath, and her lips purse softly in a kiss on 
my skin.  She leans into me and lets me slip my arms around her, 
cradling her close to me.  Her hands rest passively at my waist; 
her forehead pressed into the hollow of my throat as I run my 
hands over her back in a comforting gesture.  

She whispers to me, "I feel... displaced, I guess would be the 
best word.  I tell myself that I have to move forward somehow, 
Mulder - but I don't know if I can.  Every time I close my eyes I 
still feel the tea working in my system; I can still smell the 
Tagara smoke.  When I open them I expect to see his face in front 
of me; compelling me - pushing me down - and I feel so helpless, 
Mulder."  Her voice breaks and she sobs quietly in the circle of 
my arms.  I feel helpless as well, to offer her the sort of 
comfort she needs, even if she doesn't yet understand just what 
that might be - so I choose to remain silent... to let her talk 
it all out.  But she remains silent, still pressing into me, but 
silent.  It may be a long time before she'll tell me all of it - 
but I feel she'll confide in me, when she's ready.  

But in the meantime... I can give her some measure of peace - and 
a promise for the future.

"Scully... baby?  Look at me."  Slowly her eyes lift and she 
blinks up at me with wet spiky lashes, like a little girl.  My 
little girl.

"Everything I have is yours, Scully - you know that, don't you?  
I can take care of you - I want to.  Please, just let me do this 
- I love you so, Scully - I love you..."  Fresh tears spill from 
her lovely eyes as she nods, and her arms wind around my neck and 
hold on tightly as I lift her and carry her the half-dozen steps 
to my bed; sinking upon it with her still in my arms.  I help her 
to slip out of her jeans and blouse, and as she removes her bra I 
tug my tee shirt over my head and drop it over hers.  The warmth 
of me envelopes her and I hear her sigh into the pillows as I 
flick off the light and pull her close to me.

We need sleep - lots of sleep.  It's only seven o'clock in the 
evening, but we sleep - covered with warm blankets and each 
other's skin.  The in-depth conversation can wait, I think.  We 
have plenty of time.

All the time in the world.


~~~~~~


I never thought I'd be back here again.  But it's 7:00 AM and 
Skinner is expecting us in his office at 7:15 sharp.  Mulder and 
I haven't even been down to the basement yet.  We had planned to 
be here an hour ago, take some time to get caught up with the 
memos and mail that, no doubt, have been piling up in our 
absence, but I was feeling sick and couldn't fight my way out of 
the bathroom for a good hour after I woke up.  Nausea, shakiness, 
headache - classic signs of substance withdrawal.  I feel like 
hell, but this meeting with Skinner is important... and I didn't 
want Mulder to have to make excuses for me.  I owe him so much 
for what I've put him through this past week.   He's been so 
sweet to me considering everything that's happened... letting me 
move in with him... it's just until I can get back on my feet 
again financially, that's what I promised myself.  He says he 
wants to take care of me.  Normally, I would have resented him 
thinking I needed to be taken care of.  I'm a grown woman, after 
all, not a child.  But I'm not feeling all that secure right now, 
so I'm ashamed to say that I was all too willing to let Mulder 
shoulder the responsibilities for a while... to just put myself 
in his loving hands and trust that he will make things right 
again.  I am so grateful that I have him to get me through this.

So much of our time on Mohona is hazy to me, some is completely 
lost.  But I do have enough recollection to know that I was out 
of control, that I abandoned my partner and my duty as a Federal 
Agent, and worse, I betrayed Mulder and nearly cost him his life. 
 I'd like to blame it all on the drugs... I'd like to, but I 
can't.  Like the alcoholic who sips from the forbidden bottle and 
sets off on a week long drunk... as soon as I tasted spontaneity, 
I was off like the wind... the wind... God!  I made such an ass 
of myself.  It's a wonder Mulder wants anything to do with me at 
all.  Well, that woman, whoever she was, is gone forever... Agent 
Scully has once again donned her oh so proper G-Woman suit and, 
with her partner's guiding hand at the small of her back, she's 
making her way down the corridor of FBI central, all the usual 
looks and stares falling right into place as the Spookys pass by. 
 

Mulder seems especially happy this morning.  He's back in his 
element, I suppose; looking so fine in his navy, double breasted 
Armani, crisp white dress shirt, Sig Sauer strapped at his hip.  
The usual unreadable expression, however, is this morning a 
bright and cheery smile... a smile he greeted me with when I woke 
to find I was encased in my very own Mulder-cocoon, arms and legs 
protectively possessing me, a whispered 'good morning, Sunshine' 
tickling my ear.  If I hadn't needed to get up to puke my guts 
out, it would have been perfection.

We've almost made it to Skinner's office when we're stopped by 
Agents Roberts and Jaffries; they're always giving Mulder shit.  
Jaffries is the big mouth of the two; I can feel Mulder cringe as 
he approaches, his faithful side kick in tow.

"Hey, Spooky!"  He nods at me politely.  "Mrs. Spooky."  One of 
the few employees of this agency that has the balls to call me 
that to my face.  "The two of you are looking wonderfully tan.  
Rough assignment.  So tell me, how was the orgy?"  Roberts chokes 
back a laugh at his partner's audacious attempt at humor.

I have to hand it to Mulder, he remains remarkably cool, 
considering how sensitive the subject matter is for both of us.  
He laughs patiently and tries to usher me past the comedic duo.

Jaffries isn't finished though.  He grabs onto Mulder's sleeve, 
refusing to let us escape.  "Come on, Spook, give details..."  He 
pulls Mulder aside conspiratorially whispering, just loud enough 
for a few other nosy, gossipy, Bureau employees - suddenly and 
suspiciously standing nearby - to overhear.  "It was undercover, 
right?  What did you and the Mrs. have to, you know, do?  I've 
heard that Tantric shit is really out there..."  He laughs at his 
little joke, and checks with Roberts who is, at this point, 
snickering in the background.  "Word is, you two went so deep 
undercover, even Skinner didn't know where you were for a time.  
It must have been something else, all those kinky cult 
love-fests.  What kind of weird sexy stuff did you and the Mrs. 
have to participate in?  Shit! Two weeks..." he shakes his head, 
"you must be exhausted, man.  Hey, hey... tell me, are you going 
to list condoms on your expense report?"
  
Uh oh...    

The growing audience gathered in our general vicinity erupts into 
full-fledged laughter at that last comment.  Mulder is far from 
amused.  In fact, if I don't get him out of here I think he's 
going to take a swing at the moron... not that I wouldn't love to 
see it, but the last thing my partner needs is more trouble with 
the OPC.  Just as Mulder opens his mouth to say something which 
I'm sure will be inflammatory, I call out to him.  "Come on, Big 
Guy, boss is waiting."

Mulder's head snaps around at my chosen pet name - he questions 
me silently about my willingness to reveal that kind of 
familiarity to our colleagues.  What the hell, I'm tired of all 
the speculation and the rumors, let's give them something to 
really talk about.  "Sorry, Agents, Mulder doesn't have time to 
regale you with wild tales of our sexual exploits... you'll have 
to put your name on the list for a copy of the video."  Then I 
take my partner by the hand and we leave in our wake the stunned 
faces of Jaffries and Roberts, and several others, who I'm sure 
can't wait to go spread the news.

Skinner is actually waiting for us, even though we're ten minutes 
early for a change.  He's standing by his secretary's desk 
checking his watch as we round the corner hand in hand.  

"Agents."  There's no mistaking the fact that he immediately 
makes note of our interlaced fingers.  A flicker of surprise 
registers on his face, but he makes no mention of our unusual 
behavior.  "Good to see you both.  Come on inside, and we'll get 
started."

Once we're behind the closed door of his office, Skinner directs 
us to take a seat on the sofa.  Apparently we're going informal 
today.  I can see Mulder thinking the same thing, wondering, as I 
am, why it's not business as usual.  The preliminary case report 
we sent ahead is open on the coffee table.  As Skinner makes 
himself comfortable in a chair opposite us, he flips through a 
couple of pages before making any comment.  Then he clears his 
throat nervously and directs his first words at me.  "Agent 
Scully..."

God, here it comes.  I'm actually holding my breath.

"... I think it's commendable that you're here today considering 
all you've been through."

Huh?

"How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine, sir."  

He looks to Mulder for confirmation.  Out of the corner of my eye 
I see my partner nod his reply to our boss and Skinner seems to 
relax a little.  He adjusts his glasses and picks up one of the 
summary pages.  "Vincent Pasco, Jr. is being held on six counts 
of murder, also charged with assault on a Federal Agent, and two 
counts of sexual assault on a Federal Agent.  There is still some 
question as to whether he legally obtained the signatures from 
the cult members granting the Church of the Seven Chakras access 
to their possessions... Agent Scully, am I reading this 
correctly?  Is it your assertion that you signed these documents 
of your own free will?"

"Yes, sir."

Skinner struggles with it.  "Why?"

And thankfully, Mulder comes to my rescue, because I still have 
no idea why I did something so incredibly stupid.  "Agent Scully 
was in a weakened state from her nearly constant exposure to 
drugs.  And Vincent Pasco is one hell of a persuasive con-man.  
But I disagree with Agent Scully as far as her actions being of 
her own free will.  It's my contention that she was not of sound 
mind when she signed those documents, evidenced by her erratic 
and irresponsible behavior."  

"Thanks," I mumble under my breath, "I think."

Our AD sighs.  "Christ, I don't know.  We'll have to have Legal 
go over this one.  The Bureau will do everything it can to 
rectify this situation, Agent Scully, I assure you."

"Thank you, sir."  God, this is embarrassing.

"I do have some good news... as of this morning all of the bodies 
have been recovered.  Mr. Manu was very helpful in leading 
authorities to the unmarked grave sites.  We have a good solid 
case against Mr. Pasco.  And we took Dr. Jonas Mitchell into 
custody last night, though all we're holding him on at this point 
is impeding a Federal investigation.  Another excellent job, 
Agents.  Well done."

He closes up the file and looks at us a moment bemused, only the 
hint of a smirk tugging at the corners of his mouth.  "Now... 
were you two planning on returning those, or is there something I 
should know?"

Mulder and I exchange puzzled looks.

"Sir?" I ask for both of us.

"The rings, Agents, you're still wearing the wedding bands from 
your cover."  

I can feel the heat on my cheeks.  I hadn't even thought about it 
and I'm sure Mulder didn't either.  It's apparent Skinner is 
thoroughly enjoying our discomfort as we slip the gold bands off 
our fingers and drop them sheepishly onto the table next to the 
report.  Funny, I was so reluctant to play the role of Mulder's 
wife when we started this case, now I'm surprised to find myself 
melancholy as I look at the rings lying abandoned upon the wood 
veneer.  When Skinner gets up to answer an incoming call, I reach 
out absently and toy with the shiny circlet of gold, trying to 
reconcile my feelings of loss over something that never was 
really mine to begin with.  

That's when Mulder leans over and whispers in my ear, "We can 
afford better."


~~~~~~

The utter confusion on her face is adorable.  She gapes, and her 
mouth opens and shuts a few times; I can't resist teasing her.  
"Y'know, I got an angelfish in my tank that does that cute little 
mouth thing, too - usually I just dump some flakes on the water 
and it shuts right up.  Wonder if that would work for you?"  An 
indignant squawk is building in Scully's lungs; I can actually 
feel the vibrations.  Before Skinner can turn around and face us 
again, and before she can explode, I cut in with, "Nah... I got a 
sure-fire cure for gape-mouth -" and I pull her head close and 
drink in her open mouth, along with several teeth and all of her 
tongue.  Three seconds - new record for deep-throat kissing.  I 
release her just as Skinner hangs up the phone and moves over to 
the sofa; she falls back against the cushions in a limp heap, 
eyes glazed, as I settle into the sofa and act as if I have just 
satisfied a particularly vital itch.  Which is exactly what I 
have done, in effect. Skinner resumes his seat and taking note of 
Scully's 'condition,' addresses her in a concerned voice.

"Agent, are you able to continue this session, or would you 
rather postpone and take the rest of the day off... Agent 
Scully?"  She finally swings her head around a little, her eyes 
focus on Skinner's worried face, and she clears her throat twice 
before muttering her standard, "I'm fine, sir."  Skinner catches 
me shaking my head, and frowns as he reaches out a hand and lays 
the palm on her forehead.  

"Clammy... overly warm.  Go home, Agent, and take it easy for the 
rest of the week.  I think you're attempting to come back way too 
soon.  I think you both need a break - and there's nothing on the 
horizon except the upcoming Pasco trial.  And I know it's going 
to be tough on both of you - so go home, and stay there.  Another 
week, at least - go on, take off.  If I need you I'll call."  
Skinner stands and walks to the door, his usual 'We're done - get 
the hell out' stance.  

Scully starts to protest, "But, sir, really, I'm f-," before I 
gag her with one hand and push her out the door with the other.

A heartfelt "Thank you, sir" floating over my shoulder as I hurry 
past Skinner's gaping secretary and out the reception door.  As 
we walk down the corridor, Skinner calls my name; I glance back, 
to see him standing in the doorway, his secretary peeping around 
his wide shoulders.  His words bounce down the corridor at me, 
not to mention about ten other agents who have been unabashedly 
eavesdropping.

"Agent Mulder... call me when she answers in the affirmative, 
would you please?  A boss likes to know these things..."  A tiny 
moan slips out of Scully's mouth as I nod and keep us walking, 
too much in shock to do anything more.  I think my inner shock 
must mirror the outer shock I'm seeing on the faces of every 
agent who just minutes ago stood laughing their asses off.  
Jesus, is there anything that bastard doesn't overhear, or spot 
outta the corner of his eye?  Gotta love somebody that focused... 
yessir.

My own face breaks into the shit-eating grin of all time, as I 
escort my dumbfounded partner through the Hoover building, and 
out the double doors into the watery sunshine.  And I throw back 
my head, and laugh aloud, as I grab Scully in a huge suffocating 
hug, and swing her around, ignoring her breathless commands to 
let her go.


~~~~~~


EPILOGUE


Snuggled in the warmth of Mulder's thick terry bathrobe, 
surrounded by his familiar soothing scent, I sit curled up on the 
sofa and watch my husband stoke the fire that brings light and 
heat to our little mountain cabin.  Mulder's wedding gift to me, 
a perfect getaway retreat in the lovely Cascades of the Pacific 
Northwest.  At first, I thought he was crazy, such an 
extravagance on a G-Man's wages - even our combined wages don't 
invite something as frivolous as a vacation home; I held my 
tongue though, not wanting to hurt his feelings or be the one to 
start our first fight as a married couple.  But when he mentioned 
how much land came with this little purchase, I couldn't help 
myself, I had to ask him how in the hell he expected us to afford 
this place.  That's when he showed me the letter from his late 
mother's attorney.  

I've been sitting in stunned silence ever since, trying to 
comprehend what this kind of wealth actually means.  It's 
frightening, really.  To suddenly have the resources to retire 
and live out the rest of our lives doing as we please, to have 
houses and cars and jewelry and a huge portfolio of stocks, and 
more; more than I can bring myself to think about.  I suppose I 
should be ecstatic, I mean, who wouldn't be?  

...But I'm not.

As Mulder finishes tending the fire, he turns to find me in 
tears.  A moment later he's on the sofa next to me, taking me in 
his arms, wiping the wetness from my face and shaking his head at 
my emotional display.  "This changes nothing, Scully," he 
reassures me, somehow knowing exactly what's at the root of my 
unhappiness.  How well this man knows me, understands and 
predicts my thoughts even before I can think them.  

Still, I try to share with him what's in my heart for I know 
that's what Mulder values most.  "When I lost myself on Mohona it 
wasn't just because of the drugs, I'd abandoned the focus of my 
life -  the thing that keeps everything else in perspective.  Our 
life's work, Mulder... our quest for the Truth.  Without it, I 
have no direction, nothing to guide me."

He kisses me, slow and deep, promising physically, and then with 
words, that I have nothing to fear.  "I'm not planning on giving 
up the fight.  I want the same things you do, Scully.  We've come 
too far, sacrificed too much... it will all have been in vain, if 
we walk away now."  And with that vow, he puts an end to any 
further discussion, gently laying me back upon the overstuffed 
cushions and covering my body with his.  And by the light of the 
flickering fire, we make a silent and passionate pact... to 
remain partners for life... and to never stop searching for the 
Truth.  


~THE END~