TITLE: The Fox and Dana Affair (1/1) AUTHOR: Audrey L. Zwingli CLASSIFICATION: BadFic, ParodyFic, MSR-this year seems to be the Year of Angst, just a little mindless entertainment here. RATING: R, NC-17 for vague sex and general dirty mindedness. DISTRIBUTION: Anywhere, just keep my name attached-.or not. Just be sure to tell me where it's going so I can check out your website. FEEDBACK: Send all compliments, complaints, or money to: yersinia@mindspring.com SUMMARY: Mulder and Scully go undercover-in more ways than one. AUTHOR'S NOTE: In the end. Once upon a time, there were two *Special* Agents of the FBI. Agents Mulder and Scully. Day after day, they ran after monsters and aliens and people that liked to turn into other people and people that smoked a lot. And other stuff like that. But even though they had each other, Mulder and Scully were lonely people. Sure, they were the bestest of friends, but who're we kidding? They were in love, like every other male/female co-working team should be, because males and females simply cannot coexist platonically. Any sane adult in this type of partnership would be crazy not to feel the attraction. Are they blind or something? Come on! I mean, look at Scully! I'd kill to have those abs. And Mulder? Hoo boy. One hot bastard, that man is. Sorry. Anyway, each night, when they weren't chasing monsters and other freaky shit, each would go to their respective homes-Scully to a nice warm bath and a good book, Mulder to a lukewarm meal and good porn. "Golly," sighed Mulder one night as he woke up face down on his leather couch, feeling bloated and with visions of Hawaiian Tropic girls dancing in his head, "I can't go on living like this!" Exasperated, Mulder trudged towards his phone, poised to dial Scully's number, even though it was 3:58 am, but he was always doing stuff like this to her, so she shouldn't mind. "Scully," he whistled through his beautiful nostrils. His heart immediately jumped in response to the name, as did his nether regions in support. Licking his lips, Mulder once again readied himself to dial Scully's phone number. Just as he touched his long, multi-talented fingers to the phone receiver, the phone cried shrilly. "Scully?" he answered, hopeful. "No," replied a gruff voice, "Mulder, you and Agent Scully are needed in my office in one hour." Mulder's heart sank to his knees as he hung up the phone. Skinner. Always knew the perfect times to call. *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ HOOVER FBI BUILDING April 5, 2000 5:00 AM "Agents, there have been strange happenings in Forestville, North Dakota. Apparently, a few of the locals there have been-" Skinner paused for a moment. "Abducted? Cloned? Found to be human/alien hybrids?" Mulder supplied helpfully. Scully shot him a warning look, and Mulder could not help but wonder what adorable bed head she must have had when he called her to come with him. "No," sighed Skinner, rubbing his temples thoughtfully, "there have been a series of what SEEM like vampire attacks." Mulder lit up visibly. "Seems, Agent Mulder. I'd like you two to get on this immediately." "Sir?" squeaked Scully. "What's so important about this that couldn't wait until later today?" Skinner looked up, and two pairs of questioning eyes met his gaze. "Well-" he began, "I need you to go undercover. As a newlywed couple on a honeymoon ski trip," he continued, speaking quickly. Skinner looked at his two agents again, Mulder grinning like a fool, and Scully with her head buried in her hands. "Your plane leaves at nine. Don't bother to pack; your luggage has already been prepared. I expect a report on my desk by next week." Mulder and Scully got up to leave. "Two rooms or one?" asked Mulder. Of course. "One," replied Skinner. "And I almost forgot-" The agents turned around. Skinner dropped two rings into Mulder's palm. *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ Snowy Peaks Resort, Colorado April 3, 2000 10:30 am Scully inserted the key into the doorknob. *Their* key, she thought. "Whoawhoawhoa wait Scully!!!" exclaimed Mulder. "Aren't I supposed to carry ya over the threshold, wifey?" he asked with a wag of his eyebrows. And with that, he took Scully in his arms in one magnificent swoop. "Oh Mulder! Stop!" she giggled. "Put me down!" Mulder stopped by the exquisitely large bed and Scully stilled in his arms. She brushed a strand of explosive-red hair from her hot face (because Mulder was holding her so close and she was blushing) and stared into his grey/green/brown/hazel eyes with sudden longing. Mulder's arms were shaking now, not because he was getting tired of carrying Scully around for so long, but because he really, really, really liked Scully and here she was looking at him like that. The moment dissolved however, when a pesky bellboy popped into their room unannounced with their luggage. The sudden sound of the door startled Mulder. "Eeeeeeeek!" squealed Mulder, as he jumped and Scully became airborne. "Here's your luggage!" chirped the bellboy. "I expect you'll want this," said Mulder, slipping a one-dollar bill into the young boy's hand. "Now where were we?" panted Mulder as he walked towards the bed. But Scully was no where to be found. "Scully," he called. "Scully-Wully-." She did not answer. For a little bit he was worried. But then she came out of the bathroom. "Sorry, Mulder," she said, affixing an earring to her delicate ear folds. They're so beautiful, I wish I could nibble on them, Mulder thought. "S'ok," replied Mulder. "I thought you were abducted again for a second there!" he laughed nervously. "Oh, Mulder!" Scully threw up her arms in defeat. "What'm I ever going to do with you?" "Join me for dinner?" Scully hesitated for a moment, but the deal was sealed when Mulder stuck one of his pouty, kissable lips out at her. *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ The Raucous Room Restaurant and Karaoke Bar, Colorado April 3, 200 8:23 pm "And then Marcus, who was the 12th grade love of my life, came to MY surprise birthday party with Brandi on his arm! Can you believe that?" said Scully. "Nuh-uh!!" said Mulder. "Uh-huh!" said Scully. Mulder watched Scully as she nibbled on a carrot. He sighed, and Scully must 've heard it because she looked up at him. Mulder let his eyes roam all over her tight little body. He noted the tight little tank top she wore with her Gap khaki shorts. He was glad that they had to dress up like married folk, because he'd never seen Scully so casual. She looked really pretty. He liked it a lot. Scully, on the other hand, noted the inspection she was undergoing, and secretly enjoyed it. She shifted a little and leaned forward, exposing a delicious amount of cleavage. The FBI can dress me, she thought, but they still can't keep that mysterious black bra away from me! At that moment, Mulder's eyes returned to the steady gaze of Scully's eyes. She pinned him down with her eyes, her gaze penetrating into Mulder's very soul. Not the way Mulder wanted to penetrate her, though. "Check, please," Mulder managed to croak when the waiter walked by. *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ Snowy Tops Hotel, North Dakota April 3, 2000 11:21 pm "Unnnnhhhh," cried Scully as Mulder continued his assault with his tongue. He knew his oral fixation would get him somewhere high-..or low. Scully had quite pleasurably suffered from 5 consecutive orgasms because Mulder was just so talented. He's good at everything he does, she thought. REALLY good. "You like that, Scully?" Mulder asked from between her creamy white thighs. "Uuuunnnnnnnhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!" shrieked Scully as she rode the waves of her sixth orgasm. Mulder was doing exactly what Scully liked, and he knew it. He was good. He grinned at the thought of making FBI's biggest ice queen literally melt at his fingertips. Mulder let Scully rest for a while, and as she thought she was going to fall asleep, Mulder nudged her beautiful legs open. Lazily, she opened her eyes and a smile drifted across her face. Mulder positioned himself and slowly stuck his purple stick of love into Scully's corresponding canal of hidden pleasures. "Uuunnnnnhhh," sighed Scully. "Well `uunnnhh' to you too, *Dana*," chuckled Mulder. "Unnh." Smiled Scully. Mulder thrust rhythmically into Scully. "Dana, you are my touchstone." "Uunnnnhhh!!!" "My one in five billion." "Unnnnhh!!" "You owe me everything." "Unnnh?" "Oops, I mean, I owe you everything." "Unnnnh." "And you owe me nothing." "Unnnnhhhhh!!!!" With that, Mulder thrust deeply into Scully and she came. Mulder continued to thrust relentlessly into Scully, and she came twice, three times before Mulder gave into his own pleasure. "Sorry, Dana baby, I've just come to love to see your face when you've lost control. You're beautiful, baby." Scully sighed and brought a hand up to Mulder's cheek. "I love you," she whispered, "you and your beautiful mind. You are mine, as I am yours, Mulder." Mulder chuckled. "I think you can call me Fox now," he said. "Fox," she sighed, before conking out. Mulder nuzzled his long nose into the fire capping Scully's head. He couldn' t believe that Scully was lying there next to him, naked as a female blue crab after its terminal molt, exhausted from his recent attack. He really couldn't! It was amazing! He rolled over and pulled Scully close. "Dana," he whispered, and Scully shifted closer to him. "Thank you. AD Skinner for assigning this case to us. Thank you indeed." And then he conked out as well. *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ Tunisia April 6, 2000 1:44 am "Yes, sleep, my children. You're welcome." Puffs of cigarette smoke filled the room where a 40-inch screen displayed an exhausted Agent Mulder and Agent Scully tangled amongst each other and the blankets. "BWA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!" End. AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is my first attempt at fanfic. I actually wanted to try something more serious, but----.